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NEOMAIL INBOX - I have noticed something really odd about my Neomail inbox lately.
It's always full. It didn't use to be always full. In fact, for the first three
months I was playing Neopets I didn't get any Neomail at all. Then I discovered
that it was actually possible to send Neomail to yourself, so I would do
that just so I could see the "New Event" message pop up at the top of my screen.
Just as I was beginning to run out of things to write to myself, I inadvertently
did something that earned me Neomail from a total stranger. I got a caption
into the Caption Contest. Okay, it's true that the sender of the Neomail wanted
me to pass along a chain letter, but at least someone in all of Neopia noticed
that I was alive.
Since then I have done a whole bunch of things that have turned me into an
unintentional Neomail magnet. And if getting lots and lots of Neomail from people
you don't know sounds good to you, then you all you need to do is become quasi-famous.
Here are some ways to turn yourself into Neo-celebrity, so you can have people
begging for your friendship... and just about everything else you own too.
Trick #1: Win Every Trophy That Exists in Neopia
Okay, maybe you can't win every trophy in Neopia. I'm sure there must
be at least one obscure trophy out there that even solidus_snake doesn't
have. But the more of them you have, the more likely people will think you are
actually good at something. Of course, I only recommend this way if you only
sleep one hour a day and can live on crackers and water. That way you can spend
23 hours a day playing games to try to get these trophies.
Trick #2: Do the Write Thing
The best generators of fan mail seem to be the "creative" trophies. These
are the ones that you win without firing laser beams at something or have the
word "ball" in them. For example, the Poetry Contest, Storytelling Contest and
Caption Contest all require at least three or four minutes of brain-sweat.
I highly recommend entering the Caption Contest every time a new one pops
up. You don't even have to be particularly funny. You just have to be lucky
in order to get in. It's kind of like winning the Neopian Lottery. If you're
stuck for caption ideas, you can use one of the following because they seem
to appear in every Caption Contest no matter what the pic is:
What am I doing in this Caption Contest anyway?
What are YOU doing in this Caption Contest anyway?
Oh, great. I finally get into the Caption Contest and the "Word of the Day"
is...
Just wait. Next week this will be the Mystery Pic.
Unfortunately, the Storytelling Contest requires a small amount of actual
writing skill, so I would go for the Poetry Contest if I were you. Just write
ten Haikus about Jetsams and you're sure to win a spot.
If at first you don't succeed, just keep entering these contests until the
Neopets staff gets tired of seeing your user name and actually lets you in.
Even if it takes six months. Then you can tell all of your adoring fans, (both
of them), that "it was nothing at all really, just something I dashed off on
the spur of the moment."
Trick #3: Actually Do Something Halfway Creative
Since we are on the subject of "creative" trophies... sort of... another good
way to become famous is to enter something in the Beauty Contest or Art Gallery.
The drawback to this is that something actually has to be art. I highly recommend
drawing a picture of a Neopet not too many people have and that is fairly simple
to draw. The first pet that leaps to mind is a Kiko. All you have to do is draw
a basketball with a Band-Aid. If you're feeling really adventurous, draw a basketball
with feet and scratch off the Band-Aid. That's a Jubjub. Of course, the Beauty
Contest requires you to actually have a Kiko or a Jubjub if you are entering
the picture of one. But you can always just rent one until you get into the
contest. The place where you rent Neopets you don't plan to keep is called the
"Adoption Center". Once you get into Beauty Contest, you will get lots and lots
of Neomail. Usually from people who want you to vote for their Neopet.
Trick #4: Grab the Spotlight
This is a really hard way to become famous, but it's definitely worth the
effort. If you have at least a basic knowledge of HTML, you can spice up your
pet pages or shop and enter them in the Site Spotlight, Pet Spotlight, Petpet
Spotlight and Gallery Spotlight. If you want to win one of these things, I highly
recommend being exceptionally weird. This is especially true of the Gallery
Spotlight. Collect a whole bunch of things that are just elbows or have the
word "frog" in them and you have a good shot at winning.
For the Petpet Spotlight, try to get as bizarre a Petpet as humanly possible
and give it an incredibly stupid name. Then write a story about it that is even
more stupid than its name and submit it. Here is an example: "Snickerpoo the
Lampfish Goes to Mars".
If you are very good at web page designing, here is an important tip for you:
forget everything you know. A beautiful layout will not win you the Site Spotlight.
In order to win, you must design a page that takes at least ten minutes to load.
This is practically a requirement. Once you have won, this will generate lots
of Neomail for you. Of course, almost all of that Neomail will be from people
who want to know if they can copy your exact code and use it to win a Spotlight
too.
Trick #5: Wander Around the Neighborhoods
A really popular way to get Neomail is to start a guild. Once you have one,
everyone who joins will Neomail you begging to be on your council. So how do
you get these people to join? Well, my advice is to first think up a catchy
name for your guild like "Expensive Paint Brushes To the First 100 People Who
Join". You don't actually have to give away any paint brushes. All you have
to do is name your guild that.
Another way to get lots of Neomail is to join a guild and then send Neomail
to every username in Neopia asking them to join it. You'll get at least one
answer back for every 10,000 you send.
Trick #6: Even Hatemail Is Neomail
If you are really desperate for Neofriends and Neomail, then you can also
do things that will make people mad at you. If you get people mad enough, they
will write to you and then you will have that overflowing inbox that you have
always dreamed of.
A really good way to get angry Neomail is to say something very obnoxious
in your User Look-up like, "Have you ever noticed how really stupid-looking
all baby pets are?" But the absolute best way to generate nasty-grams is to
fill your shop with at least 50 polls that start with the sentence "You Are
A..."
Trick #7: Trap Them, Chat Them
My personal favorite way of getting Neomail is to enter the Multiplayer competitions
like Kacheekers, Geos and Armada. Neomail your opponent at least once a day
and ask if they are logged in and want to play. Once they answer you and the
both of you start playing the game, you have them trapped and at your mercy.
The trick is to open up a second window to your Neomail. Wait until it is your
turn and then Neomail them and say, "What's the point of a plushie Petpet? Can't
you just buy a plushie for your pet?" or "Isn't a Lenny ALREADY a conundrum?"
Nine times out of ten they will answer you, if only to say, "It's your move,
idiot!"
Trick #8: Shamelessly Advertise Yourself
Having a name that people see a lot a key to getting more Neomail than you
can possibly answer in a single day. One way is to to spam all the chat boards
with this message: "I am a guildless role-playing newbie who wants to vote for
anybody friendly in the Beauty Contest."
Or you could place sixteen separate worthless items in the Trading Post all
with a "wish list" that states, "I got a Dark Battle Duck from the Snow Faerie.
I am willing to trade it for a couple of hundred Neopoints and some items. Neomail
me to haggle."
Trick #9: Club Yourself
If you have lots and lots of Neopoints but nobody knows this, then spend all
of your millions on books and rare foods. The idea is to get onto the high score
table of the Gourmet Food Club or the Book Club. Then everyone will know you
have lots and lots of Neopoints and you will have more Neofriend requests than
Lord Darigan has Hit Points.
Trick #10: If You Got 'Em, Flaunt 'Em
The absolutely best way to get lots of Neomail for yourself is to latch onto
at least one famous Neopian and force them at asparagus dagger point to be your
Neofriend. The advantage to this is that you can then declare in your User Lookup,
pet pages and shop that Uber_Spiffy_TopNotch's pet and your pet are NOT dating,
they are just very good friends. This is known as being "Prominent by Proxy",
although I'm pretty sure the technical term is "name-dropping". Sometimes you
can get away with just pretending to know someone famous. For example,
in your shop description you can thank Donna for the lovely Chia Skunk Tail
she gave you. Everyone will assume it's THE Donna, despite the fact there are
sixty thousand Donnas in Neopia.
Trick #11: Haunt the Deep Catacombs
If all else fails, you could try writing an incredibly dumb article for the
Neopian Times in order to get Neomail. It seems to work for me. | 
