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Sloth’s Worm of Wisdom: I understand age before beauty in reference to Roxy
and I. But if it is pearl before swine, why don’t I have a Snorkle snout? English
is a weird language, Grundo is much more sensible.
Ever since Roxy and others have suggested I may not be a Neopet, I have been
questioning my meaning to existence and life itself. Philosophy, the arts and
all that jazz. If I’m not a Neopet, what am I? Am I a jpg. or a gif. file? Was
the Negg before the Lenny or did the Meerca Chase it away? I am not certain
how to unscramble this puzzle.
Instead of a 20 page thesis, surely you want some mud slinging advice fun
instead. Work with me, people! Work with me!
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I was thinking just the other day, Slothenator, why you commonly appear to
be the butt of all jokes in comics and other sections of the Times? Also why are
you portrayed as dim-witted?
In comics, I have seen you in a Jhudiah-esque bikini, playing with Usuki
dolls and a tea set, in nothing but a bath towel, as a couch potato, dressed
as a faerie, lodged in a chimney, vacuuming while wearing just briefs and other
sick mental images. Please explain..Sloth..please explain. Comic Relief
Bit unsure if I have stated this before but I reckon I was put on Neopia to
entertain the masses. That is my purpose in life and I figure I’m good at what
I do.
Dear Sloth, my Aisha keeps cloning himself! I REALLY need to stop him!
Worked to the Clone
Would there be a market for genetic ‘factory seconds’? Is there a real need
for Aisha clones? My Disco Aisha plush on my desk keeps falling over as it has
too much stuffing in its head. If that is the real case with real life Aishas
(never met one before), I wouldn’t touch one with a six foot attack fork.
I’m planning to release a novella called ‘Evil Overlording For Dummies’.
How can I steal another author’s idea without anyone noticing? The Write
to Remain Silent
Naughty, naughty. Copying someone else’s idea or copying in general isn’t
always a good idea. Once I cheated and I felt terrible. See I hid the answer
under the bottom of my kilt (I’m Sloth-ish, leave me alone!)
I have a large Neopets family, I recently tracked down some relatives and
drew up a big family tree. Have you ever done the same? Also, I’m interested
in your family history. History Repeats Itself
I got my suave and handsome genes from my mother. We Sloths hail from a long
line of Miss Neopias. A Space Faerie Circlet suits me, no? Roxy?
I hail from Slothland and have a Sloth-ish background. I’m one eighth Lenny
which may explain the hair. (Donna, if you read this why didn’t you revamp my
Trump hair instead of creating a new Lupe?)
It’s my friend, Damien the Darigan Kougra’s birthday next week. I'd like
to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?
Fussy Shopper
Never mind what he'd like for his birthday. Just give him a really gaudy tie
that he’ll only wear once.
I miss you Slothenator, hunk of Nerkin Leg! Enormous fan of your super
duper, Kougra trooper comics and advice articles. One question, why is there
normally a large issue gap between your submissions? Miss Spentyouth
There is a time difference between Neopets HQ, Virtupets Space Space Station
and the land down under. Nah, its not just the time difference. I have what
is called a day job. All Roxy has to do is sit on her pampered Shoyru behind
all day and she gets financial support from the Neopian Historical Society.
She may be a living treasure, but sure she is ageing disgracefully.
How many Sloth clones does it take to change a light bulb? Jokers
to the Right
Only 1 but the DNA has to want to change.
Dear Sloth, My Shadow Tonu male friend has asked me for some help studying
for his next big exam but I plan to go out with some friends. What should I
do? Thanks, Testing Times
He's a student? Well, heck with him. Do exactly what you want to do, regardless
of what that lowly student wants. This philosophy will carry you far. Trust
me, I am a drop out and look how I turned out.
My owner left me alone. I started to play with some crimson, red paint
and made a big mark on the carpet. To make matters worse, my Chia brother who
I was babysitting has disappeared. Looks too suspicious. Lupe Defender
White Vinegar to blow those nasty stains out of the water and to soften the
blow a Chia plushie for the upset owner?
Slothy, remember how in high school you were voted ‘most likely to succeed’.
Congrats, you have proved you failed that goal! If there was an award ‘mostly
likely to have deceived’ you would get that instead. Some things never change!
Lurking in Your Shadow
Rox, hey! I know its you! No real guy would send me a Neomail in glowing magenta
font. I remember a certain goodie, goodie Striped Shoyru who always had her
head jammed into a trash can. The past hurts, Roxy. *throws the book ‘The Complete
History of Shoyrus’ at Roxy*
What is your next plan to take over Neopia? Does it involve large lasers?
You Rule my World
Getting to the master plan, I need some lackeys. Any volunteers? You’ll have
to wait until the Kreludor plot.
Why do you find amusement in trapping things? A little help would be nice.
*moves fingers to no avail* Stucto Gether
Hahaha! I finally caught a human! I have finally learnt the secret of catching
Neopians. Low fat chocolate brownies. Yum, yum. I can’t believe its not Neopet!
Hello Sloth, I know boys will be boys, but my charming Lupe is continuously
chasing the ladies. Any suggestions? Cherry Blossom
Not to worry. My Lupe has been chasing Chias for years, but if he ever caught
one, he wouldn't know what to do with it. Hmm...put him on a leash?
Dear Sloth, I have two questions for you.
1. Why do you hate Roxy so much?
2. Can I have your autograph? Sincerely, A Usul Who Missed Out On The
Lost Dessert War
1. I don’t see that Striped Shoyru with a degree in anything. Except the qualifications
of giving so-so advice. Want a column war? Bring in on, girlfriend!
2. Er...it will cost you. Don’t just give them out on the street corner, you
know?
Hello Doctor Sloth! Overworked and underpaid editors? I really value your
opinion on what you think of them. Love, Ms S.
All editors deserve robotic secretaries and coffee making monkeys like my
friend Marc. *laughs* No, it doesn’t pour coffee. He makes everyone tea at Neopets
HQ.
Hey Frank, wanna come over to the Hidden Tower and hang out? It would be
HILARIOUS to see you strung up by your briefs on a flag pole!! Fyora
Right away, Madam. Heart or smiley faced Neopian briefs? Anything for you,
honey sugar Faerie pie.
Rant of the Fortnight (or ROTF for short): How can Roxy go around
teaching and preaching about fashion when she never appears to wear clothes
in public? My friend Plushi0, the Usuki Usul wears clothes but Roxy doesn’t.
Girl, do us Neopians a favour. Put a shirt on or I may be able to help you get
a job as a soccer hooligan.
Author’s Note: If you would like to have an question answered by Dr Sloth,
send me a Neomail and I will pass it onto Doctor Sloth. Your question might
be answered in the next Ask Sloth article by Doctor Sloth himself.
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