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NEOPIA CENTRAL - Ah, sinks. The newest arrival on the NeoHome furnishing market.
Now your pets NeoHome bathroom can have both a sink and a tub, making for good
hygienic pets and a touch of realism. In fact, your NeoHome bathroom is almost
perfect - except for one small (yet very, very important) detail. Where does
your pet go when he… has to go? Flat-U-Less tablets and the massive amounts
of dung products do suggest that Neopets have such basic body functions- so
where do they go when they have to go? An investigative report, interviewing
several pets (all of whom, not surprisingly, refused to give their real names),
follows.
Watering the NeoGarden
A small blue Poogle was spotted attending to his daily business on some Rowzez
in Neopia Central. While startled by our arrival, he agreed to be interviewed,
provided his real name was not used.
Shidi: Mr.--
Poogle: No real names! Please! I don't want my neighbours to know I
was watering their bushes again! Just call me… Poogle X.
Shidi: That's an incredibly silly pseudonym, but sure. Poogle X, why
are you watering the NeoGarden in such a fashion?
Poogle X: Hey… you know… my NeoHome's great and all, but it lacks…uh
… basic plumbing, y'know? Don't dogs and cats do it in your world? Don't judge
me, man! A Poogle's got to do what a Poogle's got to do, and sometimes, I've
got to do it all over Mrs. Thornton's Rowzez!
Shidi: I'm a woman, not a man. And I'm not judging, this is an investigative
report for the Times.
Poogle X: Oh, geeze! For the Times? My whole family reads that paper!
You better not have pictures! Don't blackmail me! It's not my fault nature called
and I answered!
At about this point, the Poogle broke down into uncontrolled sobbing, and
feeling guilty, I moved on to try and interview more Neopets about where they
go when they've got to go. My next stop was Faerieland, where I visited the
very elegant home of a very spoiled Krawk. Surely, this home would have some
solution to the problem at hand.
Osiri's Pottery
Shidi: Miss--
Krawk: K, please. Just call me Miss K- it's so droll to be interviewed,
after all. What would the Worthingtons think if I appeared in a common paper?
Shidi: That you finally got over being snobby?
Miss K: What was that, young lady? I couldn't quite hear you there,
with that barbaric noise our maid is making.
Shidi: Oh, your maid… what is that fancy pottery she's carrying outside?
Miss K: Um... erm… Osiri's Pottery, of course! Only the finest in crafted
goods goes into my NeoHome!
Maid: Ugh… what a smell… who ate Baked Beans last night?
Shidi: Ah-ha! Am I correct in assuming that's a pot you keep in your…
erm… chambers?
Miss K: Merciful faeries, don't let word of this get out! I'll be ruined
in high society! What else are we supposed to do? Fertilise our lawn? Get out!
Impudent reporter!
Miss K proceeded to have a fainting spell, and while her maid was fetching
smelling salts, I made my way out of the NeoHome, and off Faerieland all together.
My next stop was the dung capital of Neopia, Tyrannia. If anyone knew the answer
to this dilemma, it had to be those infamous dung crafters.
Tyrannian Dung
Shidi: Mister?
Blumaroo: Ugh.
Shidi: Mr. Ugh, can you tell us where Neopets go when they've got to
go?
Mr. Ugh: Uggh! Graa uggha Shankugh Lygha… ugh ugh ugh, argh ugh.
Shidi: Wow, really! I would have never guessed.
Mr. Ugh: Ugh!
Shidi: Fascinating.
And there you have it folks, the perfect solution! You do speak Tyrannian,
don't you… all right, neither do I. I'm still in the dark about the perfect
place for your pets to go when they've got to go… but there sure is an awful
lot of dung products around. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Until the day the furniture stores start to carry more of a varied selection,
you can always place a Red Pot or a Rock Bin in your precious
little Neo-darling's bathroom in an attempt to keep him out of your prized Song
Flowers. But if this doesn't work, take heart-dung is great fertiliser. | 
