Charity is Like a Rotting Shoe

The Money Tree--a fountain of wealth and charity, with marvelous prizes growing from its branches and beside its roots, just waiting for a needy Neopian to come along and take the item they need to keep them out of the poorhouse for another few seconds.

But wait--those bags of Neopoints aren’t growing out of the tree! There’s a constant stream of pets and ghosts pouring through the Money Tree, throwing bags of money and items into its leaves and under its boughs, giving it the appearance of always being full of fresh valuable fruit ripe for the picking. What fraud is this? And why do most of the wonderful gifts consist of rotting footwear?

Ghosts

The roots of the Money Tree’s advertising reach throughout Neopia. The Tree has its own special icon on the shops toolbar, and even has large advertisements sponsored by Dr. Sloth himself. But by far the best publicity the Money Tree gets are created by the ghostly thieves that patrol Neopia and punish miserly citizens by stealing their money and giving it to the Tree (and supposedly thereby the poor).

After having several hundred of my Neopoints stolen by a group of ghosts that came one after the other, I dashed over to the Money Tree in a wild hope of grabbing my precious money back. Not unexpectedly, my Neopoints were already gone. (I suspect the ghosts stole them again.) To avenge my lost money, I went into a frenzy and grabbed everything I could lay hands on. Having amassed a large pile of rotting boots, I felt satisfied that I’d paid the ghosts back for their thievery, but for some reason this only seemed to encourage the ghosts to steal more from me.

Donators

The Money Tree can’t possibly grow money fast enough to meet the demand of the Neopian populace. In fact, I don’t think I’ve once caught a glimpse of coins blooming from among the tree’s leaves; I’m sure they must be snatched away too quickly to be seen, or perhaps the tree is one of the late blooming varieties that has still yet to flower.

Whatever the reason, the Money Tree lives off of donations from generous souls (though the Money Tree ghosts’ generosity is questionable). You might also question the generosity of the larger portion of donators when you see all the junk items heaped up around the tree, but there are in fact some thoughtful donators out there who occasionally fill the Money Tree with a welcome array of interesting items or even worthwhile sums of Neopoints.

These generous Neopians make some lucky quick-fingered folks very happy. Often donators will spend some time at the Money Tree, donating items one after the other and making sure their name is seen. Others will flood the Money Tree with donations and then disappear, though these tend to be the ones clearing the rotting driftwood out of their choked inventories.

You’ll find, though, that when you visit the Money Tree on any ordinary day, it’ll most likely be heaped to the branches with kelp, coconut shells, fish, rusty cans, a wet snowball or two, and scores of rotten old moldy sneakers (probably gym sneakers, judging by the odor). The Money Tree is a bigger magnet for garbage than the Rubbish Dump. It makes me wonder if the Underwater Fishing Hole was originally Maraqua’s charity organization. It must not have worked out, seeing as any pet who could have worn shoes down there would’ve been more in need of a diving helmet.

Donating

Donating is a handy alternative to discarding items you don’t want or need. After all, who really likes to imagine items vanishing into a void of nothingness? It seems a waste to throw things away. Why, this soggy rotten old shoe could save a homeless pet’s feet from freezing! (Though it may just give that pet a case of chapped Bloaty Feet, and let’s hope he has a tough nose to withstand the Magic Smelly Socks he needs to wear with the mold-scented sneakers.) Why not just toss it onto the Money Tree, where someone who actually needs it (albeit someone very desperate who’s tired of wearing Tiki sandals while shoveling their walk) can have it?

That’s not really donating out of the goodness of your heart; it’s passing junk off to anyone greedy enough to take it. And it’s certainly not going to fool the ghosts into leaving your pocket change alone (at least, it didn’t work for me). Find some worthwhile items to donate (actually, anything that doesn’t smell bad or come from a fishing hole will do; Money Tree lurkers will love you for giving them a change of pace). Or take the easier, if not more painful, route and donate straight Neopoints. Difficult as it is, it’s best to keep your donations above the single digit range. It’s no fun to manage to snag a bag of Neopoints from among all the rotting old shoes and then discover all you can buy with it is a rotting old shoe.

Keep in mind the health risk you take when donating to the Money Tree. Donating to the Tree is charity in the same way that it’s charity to throw a bread crumb in the middle of a pool full of hungry Gulpers. To avoid getting trampled, it’s wise to stand a ways away from the Tree and toss your donation across the distance. Twenty feet should do. I hope you can throw your Petpet Laboratory Map that far. (Be aware that your generosity could be taken the wrong way if you choose to donate Very Rotten Tomatoes.)

Taking Donations

So, your financial situation has sunk so low that you’re willing to accept charity, or perhaps you’re just greedy, or too lazy to fish for your own junk? Or you want some way to use your fast hands, but can’t stand the boredom of waiting for a restock?

Behold the Money Tree, which is always stocked except when the ghosts decide to plunder it (I think the whole business of taking from the rich and donating to the Money Tree is the ghosts’ way of laundering their stolen money). It always has plenty of fish on hand for those who can’t get to the Underwater Fishing Hole due to too many rotten shoes and too few diving helmets. And it’s a treasure trove for the hoarder who wants items simply for the sake of having them (or for collectors of old rotten shoes).

You’ll need to be fast if you want to gain anything from the Money Tree. Many people simply cannot. You’ll have the best chance of getting an item if you hang around near the back of the tree, as the items at the front are always taken first. When new items are thrown onto the tree, shoot out your hands as fast as you can and blindly grab the first thing you touch. You may be inclined to move on to something else if the first thing you touch happens to feel wet and moldy, smell rotten, and look like an old sneaker, but ignore your senses and cling to the item for dear life. You won’t get anything at all if you hesitate.

Only after you have secured your odorous prize should you look around at the items that you could have gotten. Marvel at the Secret Laboratory Map someone was generous enough to donate, and the large bags of Neopoints buried in kelp. Try not to think about the moldy shoe you’re digging your fingers into.

If at first you are not richly rewarded, keep trying. Someone has to get those shiny goodies that show up to taunt you. Rejoice when you manage to snag a bag of 10 Neopoints, then scowl when a ghost comes by and steals 150 from you. Punish the ghost by taking more from his tree. Two can play at that game.

When you’re satisfied with the height of your pile of rotten shoes and your hands need a thorough cleansing, drag the shoes back to your inventory and smile smugly with the knowledge that you’ve repaid a bunch of thieving spirits. Then begin picking out some choice lovely items to donate to make up for the enormous greed you exhibited by taking fifty rotten shoes for your own selfish purposes. And start a shoe collection while you’re at it. All the fashion plates do it.