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I was quite proud of myself for getting up so early that
day. I'd taken on my owner leb388's shameful practice of sleeping past noon
(only on weekends, of course) lately. But that day, however, since I'd risen
just after dawn, I triumphantly poured myself a bowl of the most sugar-coated
breakfast cereal I could find and sat at the table to eat it.
Looking out the window, I noticed that it was
fairly light outside. However, it was a dreary, rainy day, and I was glad I
could be up and about outside before Li woke up. Li, my Desert Aisha sister,
disliked rainy days. Speaking for myself, I don't really mind bad weather. Though,
I smiled because the WeatherLenny, Neopia's official
meteorologist, had predicted a sunny and temperate day.
I pondered over the serene quiet that filled
my owner's NeoHome. It hadn't been that way in awhile. As I finished my cereal,
I heard a knock at the door. That's weird, I thought, putting down my
spoon and nimbly running to the door.
I'm an Island Poogle, and I was rather used to
visitors, because my owner, leb388, always has lots of them--every day, too.
I liked the fact that she always got us great furniture, but sometimes it was
a bit too much--especially this early.
I opened the door. "Come in," I yelled to the
shadowy figure in the doorway over the sound of the pouring rain.
A yellow Lenny with a blue umbrella entered.
"Hello," he said. "I--"
"My owner's not here now," I interrupted. "She's
at school."
"That's quite fine. It's you I wish to speak
to, Conspicit--you and Li."
At that, I was puzzled. "It's kind of early.
She's asleep now."
"No, I'm not," came Li's sleepy voice. She was
walking into the living room from the kitchen, a pretty Desert Aisha. "I heard
someone knocking on the door and thought that Keira--well, you know how she
is."
I nodded understandingly. "Li, this--uh, this
Lenny--"
"Aulus Pohkey," he said importantly, folding
up his umbrella and putting it down. "The best and most accurate Neometeorologist
in all of Neopia--"
"Hey! You're the WeatherLenny!" Li said sleepily.
"Hmph, well, yes, that too. I--"
"Wow! Just as you predicted--'mostly sunny, high
in the upper seventies, Farenheit,' " I joked.
"Hmph, this is a very unexpected rainshower that
will probably vanish by midafternoon. Anyway, I have come to ask why you so
blatantly copied my autobiographical detective accounts," he said smugly.
"Eh?" I asked.
"If you do not stop this detective nonsense you
write about in The Neopian Times," he replied, "I will be forced to sue you."
"N.E.M.S. is not 'detective nonsense'
!" I insisted. "We're Neopian Explorers and Mystery Solvers! Why--"
"What do you mean, we 'copied' you?" Li asked
quietly. "If we did, it wasn't intentional."
"You write unbelievable, fictitious accounts
of 'detective' work," Aulus retorted, "that are in many ways nearly identical
to short stories I've published in Weather Weekly."
"Weather Weekly?" I've never heard of
that," Li quizzically replied.
"Me neither," I added.
"Sure, you haven't!" Aulus hissed sarcastically.
"It is my guild's newspaper, and I," he beamed, "am the editor of it. In it
I've published some interesting short stories based on my detective work over
the years. Ah, memories. Anyway, only members are given copies. Yet your characters
and settings are astoundingly like mine."
Aulus walked over to leb388's Borovan Table,
took out a stack of folded papers from his pocket, and spread them out on the
table. Li and I walked over the the table, puzzled.
"This," he informed, spreading one grey newspaper
page onto the brown table, "Is the first page of a short story I wrote titled
'The Case of the Missing Laughter.' In it, a character named Jums loses his
ability to laugh, and the detectives Lee and Charles try to get it back. Sound
a lot like your short story, 'The Case
of the Missing Funny,' which I may add was published in the Neopian Times
a few months later?"
"That story was based on a real event," I protested.
"And--"
" 'Lee' and 'Charles' are very common names,"
Li quipped.
"And Jamez, or Jamezbfod, is the name of a real
person, my owner's brother," I continued. "Who'd name a character 'Jums?' "
I finished, laughing.
"Hmph. Prove to me that this 'Jamez' exists,"
Aulus replied. "And there's also a character named 'Sloth' you write about who
is similar to my character 'Soth'. Prove to me that he exists."
At that moment, through impeccable timing that
only he can pull off, Jamez walked in the Neoliving room. "Hey guys, do you
have any food? Panty's coming over my house and I need some, preferably poultry.
We're going to argue about all the stuff we stole from each other, and...."
Jamez trailed off, suddenly realizing Aulus was there, and stared at him. "Is
that a Lenny?"
"Jamez, leb388 has some Crown Roast Beef in the
fridge. Take it all and go."
"Thanks," Jamez said. He went to get the Crown
Roast Beef from the refrigerator, and then ran out.
Suddenly, Sloth poked his head in the door. "Did
I hear Crown Roast Beef?"
"No, must've been your imagination," Li assured
him.
"Oh... gee, can I sweep your floor?" Sloth pleaded.
"No," I sighed. "Sloth, the Neopets Team laid
you off. Deal with it and get a real job."
"But--but, Conspicit! I've got nothing! And the
Neopets Team made all my Grundos really cute, and I ran out of Crown Roast Beef,
and--" he stopped and sniffled a bit. "Can I at least mow your lawn?"
"Fine, and I'll have leb388 give you a thousand
Neopoints for it," I agreed, "but that's all."
"Yay!" he exclaimed, running outside to the shed
and starting up the mower.
"Uh, Conspicit? Isn't it raining?" Li queried.
"Won't the lawn mower break?"
I walked over to the nearest window and peered
out. "Wow, it appears to have stopped. Aulus was right--partially. Well, the
lawn mower's hardy enough to withstand wet grass."
Aulus stood still with an open mouth and an expression
of shock. "Did that Jamez look like he was going to eat me?"
"Yeah. Jamez does that. Anyway, what were you
saying?"
"Oh, yes. Deny it if you wish, but your stories were
stolen from me. You read mine in Weather Weekly and decided it'd be fun
to publish rip-offs in the Times!"
"We already argued our case," I said firmly. "We haven't
even read your guild's newspaper."
"How should I know?" the Lenny mocked. "I will see
you in Neocourt in two days. But first, here's a riddle you brainiacs can solve!
"What comes out in night but not in day--
"And can be found in 'kilogram,' and also in 'weigh'?
"You can see it in Li, Conspicit, and Keira too,
"But with Aulus Pohkey it wants nothing to do!"
Aulus walked out in a huff, holding all his newspaper
pages in one hand and the umbrella in the other.
I just shrugged, "Don't even bother leb388 with it--maybe
it'll blow over."
Li nodded, "Maybe."
Later that Day
"Li, Conspicit, do you know anything about this?" leb388
asked. "It's a Neomail that reads, 'Come to Neocourt on the 5th of Hunting.'
"
"Some Lenny threatened to sue us," Li replied casually,
turning a page in the Neopian Times, which she was reading.
"Yeah," I reassured my owner. "It's nothing big."
"Well, there's a trial scheduled," leb388 declared.
"It must be something big. What's this Lenny suing you for?"
"Writing better than he can," Li mused.
"Ah."
"What is this, Li, the Case of the Fanatical Wannabe?"
I joked.
"Sure. Ooh, my favorite comic's in here."
"Oh, and I had to pay Sloth a thousand NP for mowing
my lawn. He said you'd agreed to let him do it. What was that all about?" leb388
demanded. "He broke the mower, too, by mowing wet grass. Why didn't you tell
him to wait to mow it?"
I shrugged. "I'm sorry--I'll fix it. I just wanted
to help Sloth out, and Jamez took all the Crown Roast Beef."
"Honestly!" leb388 exclaimed.
Two days later, leb388 half-dragged Li, Conspicit,
Keira (my cute Baby Poogle cousin entrusted to leb388's care), and I to the
Neocourthouse. Only those invited can see it, and it was my first time going.
After my owner checked us in, I anxiously walked with them into the main courtroom.
The judge, a burly Green Grarrl, stood behind a tall
white desk while a yellow Shoyru secretary busily recorded information. Aulus
was there, and beside him stood a sophisticated Faerie Acara Neattorney. Besides
them, a few Neopets were sitting on benches, watching and waiting. The whole
room was medium-sized, probably about the size of leb388's Neokitchen and living
room put together, but all around were benches. It was rather dark, with no
windows, but fluorescent lights beaming from the ceiling. The walls were wooden,
with a maroon carpeted floor.
"Leb388, don't we need a Neoattorney?" I queried, nervously
aware of the fact that we'd forgotten to hire one.
"Oh, no. I'm your lawyer. Just this once, though;
this isn't going to be a career or anything."
"Don't you mean Neoatt--"
"Yes, that's what I said," she replied, "your lawyer."
I sighed and sat down with leb388, Li, and Keira, as
the judge began. "Please state your case," he said to Aulus and his Neoattourney.
Aulus's Neoattourney began. "Your Honor, my client,
Aulus Pohkey, is attemptin' to sue Lebki_Ichijouji and ConspiracyPhreak3_0--"
Li and I gasped. He'd used our real names--this made
it personal. The yellow Shoyru secretary looked at us, adjusted her glasses,
and wrote something down.
"--for copyin' ideas o' his published in a newspaper."
"For what amount is he sueing?" the judge asked.
"Twenty thousand NP."
I sat forward. That was just outrageous.
"Where is the proof?"
"Your Honor, three o' th' short stories written by
my client share similarities. For example," she took one and showed it to the
judge, "this 'ere is titled 'The Case o' th' Pant Devil,' much like th' one
ConspiracyPhreak3_0 wrote titled 'The Case o' th' Pant-Santa.' And...."
She went on, pointing to sheer coincidental material.
I was silently forming an arguement in my mind. I mean, if we'd had a paragraph
or at least a few sentences that were identical, or if our characters showed
the exact same qualities and characteristics, I could see Aulus' point--he could
accuse us of plaigerism. But even if Li and I had copied, the amount his Neoattorney
presented that was similar wasn't enough for a case like this against us. But
we hadn't even written stories--we published real accounts. I listened to the
Acara Neoattourney drone on with her annoying accent.
"Unky Conspicit?" Keira whispered.
I leaned over, "Yeah?"
"What's she saying?"
"The Acara? She's pointing out things that look alike
between the Lenny's stories and ours, saying we copied."
"But we didn't! You just wrote what happened to me
and Cousin Li and you!"
I nodded, "That's right, Keira. And leb388's going
to say that. You see--" I stopped suddenly, recalling leb388's method of debate--annoyance.
"Oiy. Just wait and listen."
Keira nodded back, and I took my eyes off her to watch
the trial.
"Thank you for that evidence, Ms. Rodet," the judge
said to the Acara. "Now, Lebki_Ichijouji and ConspiracyPhreak3_0's Neoattourney
will argue their side. And--blessed Borovan, what are you doing?"
Everyone in the courtroom turned to what the judge
was staring at--Keira was taping a picture she drew onto the judge's white desk.
"I put a picture on the fwidge," Keira said proudly
after sticking the last bit of tape on. She did look rather cute and innocent,
since she was a Baby Poogle.
"Aww," the entire courtroom sighed in adoration.
Keira walked over to us, beaming. "I helped, Unky Conspicit,"
she said, proudly and simply.
"That's great," I whispered, "but, Keira, I'm your
cousin, not your uncle."
"Okay, Unky Conspicit."
I sighed and glanced over to see her displayed picture.
On it was a picture of Li and I, and a bunch of crayon scribbles above it that
read, "My friends."
I smiled, and leb388 got up to argue. "All right, listen
to me. This guy--this WeatherLenny--put a case against my pets saying
that they copied his pitiful excuse for characters and titles. My pet's
published "Case" stories are written from real occurances. Nowhere are the plots
similar, and no phrase can be extracted from one of Aulus' stories that matches
one of my pet's. What does that tell you? That it's a coincidence. Honestly.
Two of the character's names are common and barely resemble my pet's. And Jamez
is actually preparing a countersuit on the grounds that Aulus denied his existance.
The others are just plain weird, and all of Aulus's written work is in undated
newspapers. Honestly. I could be sueing Aulus for copying my pet's
work. But, again because there are so few similarities, I won't. You saw my
Baby Poogle neice with her drawing. Li, Conspicit, and Keira are nice Neopets,
nice as almost any I know, and until you find any more evidence against them,
please leave us be." With that, she sat down.
In less than a minute, the judge had decided--Li and
I won the case, and we didn't owe anything. Aulus was fined 500 NP for taking
up court time. We were about to leave, when, suddenly, Jamez ran in with his
suit-and-tie business mode.
"I'm here to argue Li and Conspicit's case!" he exclaimed.
"Uh... the Leb388s already won," the judge said.
"Oh," Jamez replied. He ripped off his suit and tie
to reveal his usual t-shirt and jeans, then left.
I was weirded out, and I figured we'd beaten Aulus
enough, but Li dragged me into the hallway outside the courtroom to say something
to him.
"The letter i," she announced when we reached
him.
Aulus looked puzzled. "What? Stop wasting my time,
you've already cost me half a thousand NP--"
"No, the letter i. You gave us a riddle--not
a very good one, but I thought it out anyway. You know--'What comes out in night
but not in day,' et cetera? It's the letter i. It's in the names Li,
Conspicit, and Keira, but not Aulus Pohkey."
"Well, well, then. You foolish Neopets," he scoffed.
"So, you won the case and figured out the riddle. But you're still not the best
of anything, let alone the best Neometeorologist in Neopia like me--"
"You're the only one," Li continued. "I was reading
an article in the Neopian Times when leb388 got her Neomail about the
case you set up against us. It was an article about weather changes in Neopia,
and one part of it stated that a yellow Lenny by the name of Aulus Pohkey was
Neopia's only Neometerologist. Yes, you are the best, I suppose, but there's
no competition. No one else wants such a demeaning job as predicting Neopia's
weather."
"Hmph," he replied. "Well, fine. You may think that,
but no one else wants to compete with my brilliance. I'll be seeing you again
soon, I'm sure." He picked up his umbrella and turned to go away.
"Oh! Aulus," I ventured, "I need to thank you."
He stopped and turned around. "For what?"
"For being such a fan of our work," I replied, grinning.
"I'm glad you like it."
"Hmph." With that, he walked away.
Leb388 and Keira joined us, and walked to the Neocourthouse
office to verify that we'd come to the case and it was settled. While leb388
stood in line, Li and I walked over to Jamez, whom was standing in the hallway.
"Oh, hey, Conspicit. Hi, Li," Jamez said. He was standing
by the entrance to the main courtroom.
"Are you waiting for a case?" I asked.
"Yeah... just me and Panty... we decided to sue each
other for stuff we've stolen from each other... y'know," he quibbled. "It'll
come out undecided--always does."
"I see. Well, good luck to you and the Pant Devil,"
I responded.
"Jamez, why did you remove your suit-and-tie business
mode if you're going to have a case next?" Li wondered aloud.
"Hey, that's a good question. I should put my suit-and-tie
business mode back," he replied, ripping off his t-shirt and jeans to reveal
his suit-and-tie business mode.
"How'd you do that?" I asked, awed. "You didn't have
a suit coat under your t-shirt before! I saw your arms, dude, your arms!"
"Why are you thinking so much?" Jamez asked. "I'm in
an imaginary world." He then proceeded to walk through the solid wall of the
courtroom.
"Ah," I said uneasily, walking back with Li over to
leb388 and Keira before any more harm was inflicted upon my reasoning ability.
Leb388 had finished signing forms in the office, and it was probably best not
to tell her that her brother was in a case against the Pant Devil for the third
time this month, so I conversed with Li--after all, she was my N.E.M.S. partner.
"Do you think we'll see Aulus again any time soon?"
I asked.
"I hope so," Li quipped, grinning. "When we go a day
seeing Jamez only three times, we need some comic relief."
I nodded, and we all headed home.
The End
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