Warning:. Reading this article may make you nauseous.
MERIDELL - Lately, I was just thinking about thing, struggling to break my
writers' block, which is pretty rare, even for me. So I thought about writing
topics, and stuff, (and junk food), and while I was considering all the things
I could write about (and what I was going to eat in fifteen minutes), it hit
me, like how your new sneakers might hit a cow pat.
Why not write about… dung! I mean, who doesn't LOVE dung? But people don't
seem to use this wonder as much as it should be. So this thing that I call an
article is completely about things dung can be and should be used for.
Dung hairdos:
Bad fur day? Just finished going to the grooming parlour, and paid a good
2,000 to beautify yourself? Fur still looks like a future Pteri's nest? Run
out of styling products? Sister not lending you her gel? Well, then, why not
use dung?
Dung can be used as cheap, yet efficient gel! Best thing, it never runs out!
Best thing is, it keeps your fur up! How, you ask? Just squish it between your
hands and slap it on your fur!
You can even shape the leftover dung into scrunchies, barrettes, hair bands,
bows or whatever you want! Then tie it around your hair and go into the sun.
Free flies included as decoration! And a pleasant aroma will keep all those
annoying baby pets away from you! All… free of charge!
Dung houses, rooms and gardens:
If you're tired of trying to keep up with your Neoneighbours when it comes
to NeoHomes because you just can't get the funds… fear no more! We bring dung
power to the rescue!
Now, currently, you can't ask builders to make you a room of dung, but hey,
that shouldn't stop you! If you're a do-it-yourself kinda person, all you have
to do is go out and pick up the dung on the road in a giant wheelbarrow. Okay,
so you'll also need a mask. No fear, people will feel so sorry for you in a
crazy kinda way, that in a crazy kinda way, they'll see the light of the crazy
kinda thing you're doing, and realise just how much you have to suffer for your
art! And, I'm sure a crazy kinda kind person will be generous enough to lend
you… an anti-dung mask, free of charge!
And once you have created your Dung room, don't stop there! Find more dung
(or create it yourself), and why not make an entire dung house? And if you have
a Nimmo or Quiggle at home, I'm sure they'd really appreciate you for treating
them with beautiful flies!
And if you've just developed an obsession for gardens, but are a little… um…
broke, don't worry! Make your own Dung Trees and Dung flowers, and why not add
some Dung Rocks or Statues? A Dung Fountain with everlasting Dung would be good,
too! And don't feel depressed if your garden stinks (literally)! At least, you
were creative my friend!
Dung Fashion:
If your new Dung house seems a tad bit drafty because of all the holes the
rocks that your Neoneighbours have thrown at your home, why not stretch your
creativity and make Dung Clothes?
Doesn't matter if you can't sew for your life! Just mold the dung into some
clothes-shaped looking clothes! If you have trend-setters at home, let them
shine! Teach them this art form, too. They'll be the talk of the town! Or the
stink of the town.
How about some nice Dung Shoes? Think of it this way, they'll at least stop
you from stepping in more dung!
Dung hats, are a vital accessory for paranoid pets. They shall protect heads
from making contact with any falling dung from high-fliers.
Dung Perfume:
Dung has such an aroma! It knocks you dead. The hideous… I mean… horrifying…
I mean… petrifying… I mean… the PLEASANT stench… I mean… the pleasant sweetness
of the smell is so strong it'll blow you away. To get this amazing smell just
roll around in dung!
It also attracts mobs of people for spotlight-stealers! Many of the mobs also
have free gifts such as flaming torches, rocks and stakes! You might even get
a shiny knife! See how much, people care about you? They bring offerings to
protect you!
Dung Art:
If you are an artist who loves experimenting with new mediums, why not try
dung? You can mold it any way you want! Be the first to create a Dunga Lisa!
And plus, this art material never runs out! The best thing about using dung
for art is that if you import dung from different places, the quality may increase
or decrease. In Faerieland, dung does not have those scrumptious flies in it,
but has thousands of sparkles! Each piece of dung is different in Faerieland,
which also means the sparkles are different colours!
In Tyrannia, the dung comes in a variety of shapes and colours! Some example
of the colours are dark brown, plain brown, swampy brown, tan brown, brown brown,
dark, dark, dark brown, beigish-brown, reddish-brown along with many, many more!
Of course you have to know whom to see.
The dung from the Haunted Woods actually screams, and is usually a bluish-grey.
The dung may even have eyes or jagged teeth, or a part of a Neopet in it. If
it does possess a part of a Neopet, it simply means Edna has been testing out
her spells again.
Dung from Meridell has the Meridell shield on it, and a tiny crown in the
center. Darigan Dung has the Darigan shield and a skull in the middle.
Dung from Krawk Island is usually in the shape of a skull and crossbones or
in the shape of a ship. This amazing dung is a fungus green, and is greatly
enjoyed by pirates.
Dung from Neopia Central is usually asparagus-shaped and quite tasty-looking.
It is rumoured that a beast named Adam enjoys large quantities of this dung
and has been known to turn rouge if he is deprived of this substance.
Dung from the Lost Desert is quite nondescript, really. It's just hard and
brown from being baked in the sun. It is not recommended for art use.
Dung from the Virtupets Space Station is usually in the form of robots. You
can also find various microchips in this particular dung.
Dung from Roo Island is very bouncy and can never stay still. It is in the
shape of a cube and has dots on each of its six sides.
Dung from Mystery Island may resemble any of the vast number of fruits that
the natives grow. After the dung has been… um… grown, it is set out to ripen.
After the dung is ripe, which takes five to six days, it is ready to eat.
Art with dung is truly an enjoyable experience, and should be tried by all.
Dung:
The best thing that dung can truly be used as… is dung. You store it in your
toilet, and when you get tired watching it trying to swim, then float helplessly,
you end its misery by flushing the toilet.
However, that doesn't mean you can't feel sorry for it and keep dung as a
pet or petpet. The possibilities are truly endless.
Now, just because my brain-dead brain has mustered up enough energy to come
up with these ideas, doesn't mean they aren't a future prospect to look forward
to in Neopia.
Now after reading that, I'm sure you're hungry! Look, I baked Dung Cookies!
Want one? Oh, yes you do! Hey! Wait! Why're you running away? Didn't you read
all the things I said about dung? Don't you appreciate it? Free flies! Hey!
Come back! They're really good!
| 
