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It's amazing to look back now and see how a tiny bit of
boredom almost brought the entire world of Neopia crashing down. Bizarre as it
sounds that's what almost happened. I only mention this because the next time
my Lupe says he is bored I plan to lock myself in a closet and refuse to come
out until (a) he swears he was only kidding, or (b) he gives me a signed letter
from the goddess Poptart stating that I will not be blamed for whatever happens
to Neopia because he said he's bored.
It all started rather innocently, so to speak.
Stonewolf3x was sprawled out under a rock tree in our garden. His bodyguard,
Stonekrawk3x, stood over him catching and eating any insects that dared to even
come close to his "captain". In the weeks following the addition of a pirate
to our little "family", I learned several things. Krawks will eat anything that
makes a buzzing noise and pirates have a strange need to be fiercely loyal to
any creature they seem to think is the boss. That definitely left me out. No
one "owns" a Lupe, let alone attempts to be the boss of one.
Anyway, we were all in the garden that afternoon.
I was planting weeds to try to make the pebble-strewn dirt around the shedding
rock trees look better and Krawk was exercising his tongue on unsuspecting flies.
Wolf was the only one not doing anything in particular and he wanted the world
to know it.
"I'm bored," he declared with sullen irritation.
I knew better than to bite on that one. Stonewolf3x
can always find something to do if he is really bored. He only says
he is bored when he wants to be noticed because he feels has hasn't been the
supreme center of attention for longer than five minutes.
But Krawk wasn't as familiar with Wolf's moods
as I was and replied, "Arrr, but maybe we could go prod them Poogles into jumping
over each other, Cap'n. Ye like doing that."
Wolf rolled his eyes in the Krawk's direction
without turning his head. He was every bit as big as his bodyguard and three
times stronger. He sure didn't need a bodyguard, but he liked the idea
of someone ELSE getting frosted by the Snowager because I am fond of getting
green Tuskaninny keyrings for free.
"Hmmm... I suppose..." Wolf drawled and stretched
himself into a standing position.
He began walking away casually and his Tyrannian
Doglefox shadow immediately fell into step behind him. At first I worried about
such a cute fluffy little thing following around a Lupe that oozes danger like
Meuka oozes snot. But when Stonefox started kicking fanny in the Petpet Battledome
I realized he was more of a miniature Stonewolf3x clone than I had thought.
Stonekrawk3x also began to follow, his Crokabek
perched on his shoulder. I suddenly realized that if I didn't go too, I would
be alone with a bunch of weeds I was intentionally planting because my neogarden
was a spectacular wasteland. Before the pirate Krawk and the two petpets showed
up I didn't think twice about Wolf disappearing for hours at a time. Now when
he left, he took his Lupe groupies with him and emptied out a full house.
"Hey guys!" I hollered as I leapt to my feet
and trotted off after them. "Mind if I tag along?"
Wolf swiveled his head in my direction and shot
me an exasperated look. It was bizarre yet typical of my Lupe to not even notice
a mob of creatures dogging his steps but to think that having one human along
was an imposition. He rolled his eyes, snorted loudly and continued walking.
In case you're not familiar with Lupe-speak, that translates as "I won't tear
you into a thousand pieces and feed you to a Skeith if you do come along".
So I was feeling pretty good about that answer.
When we reached the Poogle Solitaire field,
there was a large sign posted at the entrance that read, "Grrr! This game is
boring! Why don't you play Meerca Chase instead?"
"Arrr, I guess this means it be lunchtime, eh?"
Krawk chuckled.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He means they've all gone to the Poogle races.
Poogles know that they'll get free food for running in a race. They don't care
if they win or not. They just do it to get fed," Wolf snickered and shook his
head.
"Arrr!" Krawk said with a laugh, "Have ye ever
seen a skinny Poogle?"
"So why don't they just say that on the sign?"
I asked, pointing to the board.
"Because they are SUPPOSED to be here,"
Wolf replied, his eyes glittering with both amusement and annoyance. "People
pay 15 Neopoints to play this game and the Poogles don't want you to know they
are off stuffing themselves instead of being here to do the job they are PAID
to do."
"So... what now?" I asked, my mind skittering
off towards my minature-Lost-Desert-wannabe-garden and the fact I didn't want
to go back to planting weeds if there was anything else in the universe I could
be doing instead.
"Meerca Chase, Cap'n?" Krawk asked, eyeing a
dragonfly that fluttered past.
For a second I thought he was going to zap it
with his tongue, but when the dragonfly snorted an actual stream of fire from
its nose, the pirate Krawk suddenly took a immediate interest in shining his
hook on his shirt. Stonewolf3x contemplated the horizon for a moment, thumping
his tail in thought.
"Yeah," he finally drawled. "Meerca Chase sounds
good."
I stared in disbelief as his entourage all breathed
a sigh of relief in unison. There was something surreal about the adoration
he seemed to inspire. But I had to confess it was partly my fault. They all
knew that they were there for his benefit. After all, I was the one who got
a Doglefox petpet and a Krawk bodyguard for him. And I bought the Crokabek petpet
because that's what the hiring fee for the bodyguard was.
As our little clump of mismatched Lupe lackeys
headed for the Games Pavilion, I felt a weird sense of elation. I had never
seen a game of Meerca Chase played before. Wolf usually left me at the Astro
Villa Casino to play the card games alone when he went off to play the more
energetic games.
When we got to the Games Pavilion we discovered
that there were quite a few Neopets lined up at the entrance to the Meerca Chase
Pit waiting to play. A sea of smaller pets parted when Wolf arrived. In fact,
one Kiko in particular was so unnerved by my Lupe's lordly glare that it momentarily
forgot how to levitate itself and hit the floor like a steel gormball. Wolf
simply stepped over it as it wobbled in small circles like a top.
Stonewolf3x made a Buzz-line for the head of
the queue. A rainbow Grarrl stood waiting at the front of the line. His eyes
swiveled in the Lupe's direction as Wolf approached with his miniature army.
If the Grarrl had even considered holding his ground, he changed his mind when
his eyes fixed on the pirate Krawk standing behind the huge Lupe. I think it
was the fact he tapping on the hilt of his jagged Krawk blade that made the
Grarrl think twice. It snarled in disgust, but took a couple of steps backwards
anyway. This created an amazing domino effect in the waiting line as the pets
were all shoved backwards in a rippling wave.
I sighed and shook my head in disapproval, but
Wolf seemed genuinely mystified by my reaction.
"What?" he said, his eyebrows raised in innocence.
"You know," I replied sourly, "It's customary
to wait at the back of a line."
Wolf looked at me like I had just said a hypno
helmet makes a good flower pot.
"Yes," he replied with a shrug, "If you are
not a LUPE."
I sighed and shook my head again. I'm sure that
there must be Lupes out there that know they are not automatically masters of
the universe, but somehow my Lupe had missed the memo on that one. I was about
to say something, but I lost my train of thought when a roar of cheers erupted
from the bleachers where the spectators sat.
My head snapped in the direction of the enthusiastic
pandemonium. I realized that the way the Meerca Chase Pit was set up, it looked
amazingly like the Happy Valley Rink Runner Arena. An arc of seats bent around
the outside of a walled pit in a horseshoe shape. In the open spot was a raised
platform with a rather bare control panel. Even from where I stood I could see
there were only four buttons on it. A green Acara stood at the panel, rapidly
thumping her paw on the buttons. I couldn't see what was happening, but the
crowd seemed pleased because most of spectators were either clapping or shouting
disconnected words that sounded like a secret code.
"Left -- up-- no no -- yeah -- it's in the upper
corner -- watch the tail -- down down -- no no right!"
I stood up on my toes to get a better look into
the pit to see what was happening, but I couldn't see over the wall.
"Arrr, Man," Krawk said, tapping me on my arm.
I flinched and turned to look at him. I had
tried unsuccessfully for weeks to get him to call me Stone, but he had a pirate's
logic that was unshakable. After all, if he was Stonekrawk3x and we called him
Krawk, and the Lupe was Stonewolf3x and we called him Wolf, then it stood to
reason that Stoneman3x should be called Man. It was both charming and annoying
at the same time.
Krawk pointed towards the bleachers with his
hook paw. Of course, since the hook was curved it looked oddly like he was pointing
at himself, but I got the idea anyway.
"Ye be seeing the action better from up there,"
he drawled.
He walked over to the bleachers and strode up
the steps to the front row of seats. Wolf would have simply glared at the pets
sitting where he wanted to sit, but the Krawk had a slightly different method.
He positioned himself with his back to the seat he wanted and merely swished
his powerful tail from side to side. A large gap on the bench magically opened
up and he plopped himself down without even looking back to see if he was sitting
on anyone. I followed him and sat down next him. I felt a little guilty about
the way he had gotten us such good seats and I smiled weakly at the scowling
Wocky next to me. For a moment I thought he was smiling back at me. Then I realized
he was baring his fangs. I figured the best thing to do at that point was to
break off eye contact.
I focused my attention on what was happening
in the arena below us. A yellow Meerca with a long string of neggs trailing
behind him was zigzagging towards a blue negg in the center of the pit. He seemed
to be wearing some sort of a radio collar. There were lights on it that flashed
on and off. When the Meerca reached the negg, it somehow attached itself to
the string of neggs tied to his tail. The instant that it did, another negg
materialized out of nowhere in the upper corner.
"Whoa!" I gasped. "How do they do that?"
"Arr, they be magical neggs, Man," Krawk replied
with a playful wink.
I could never tell if Krawk was telling the
truth or not. Pirates like to spin yarns and tall tales. To them, victory was
when they succeeded in making someone believe something really impossible and
nutty was the honest-to-gosh truth. He was victorious a lot with me.
The Meerca turned and headed in the opposite
direction from where the new negg had appeared.
"Isn't the object of this game for the Meerca
to get as many neggs as he can?" I asked. "Why doesn't he head straight for
the negg?"
Krawk snickered. "Arr, but he'll be getting
a nasty little blast if he cross his own tail! Them magical neggs can't ever
touch each other or they'll explode."
I could feel my eyes getting as big and as wide
as a JubJub's foot. "They explode?" I sputtered.
"Arr! But this be a fun game to watch, no?"
Krawk cackled with a weird sort of innocent evil glee.
"What Meerca in his right mind would want to
be be a part of this game?" I said in a hoarse whisper. It wasn't easy to speak
because my jaw was still hanging open.
Krawk slapped hard on my knee and I fairly jumped
out of my seat with surprise at the roar of his laughter.
"Arr! That be the thing! No Meerca in his right
mind would!"
Krawk saw the totally lost look on my face and
grinned as he nudged me with his elbow. "They can't get any halfway intelligent
Meercas to sign up for this game. So they hire dim-witted ones. That's why they
need the directional collars."
"I don't follow..." I replied slowly.
Krawk grinned broadly and leaned closer to me.
"Arr, but they be too stupid to make the quick decisions needed to play this
game on their own," he whispered holding his hook to his lips. This seemed pointless
if he meant to cover the side of his mouth so only I could hear him. "So this
actually makes the game perfect for others to play."
I still must have had a blank look on my face
because he shot me a look like he thought I would be a perfect candidate for
a substitute brainless Meerca Chase Meerca.
"Arr, but ye see the control panel there?" he
said wiggling a clawed finger towards the platform where the Acara stood energetically
tapping buttons. I nodded as my eyes followed where his finger pointed. "The
players use the right, left, up and down buttons on the control panel to tell
the Meerca which way to go. The signal makes a beeping sound. If it beeps on
the right side of the collar, the Meerca turns right. If it beeps on the left
side of the collar, the Meerca turns left. If it beeps in the front of the collar,
the Meerca goes toward the control panel. If it beeps on the back of the collar,
the Meerca heads away from the control panel."
"But what are the flashing lights on the collar
for, if the Meerca is following a beeping sound?" I asked.
"Arr, but they be for the benefit of the audience,"
Krawk replied. "So we know where the player is sending the Meerca."
I was going to ask another question, but whatever
it was, it was blown out of my head by the sudden thunderous yells coming from
all around us. Rows of pets had leapt to their feet in excitement. If I hadn't
been sitting in the first row, my view of the scene below would have been blocked.
I might have missed what happened next. And if I had missed what happened next,
then Neopia would never have been in danger of complete collapse less than three
days later.
To be continued...
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