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A MESSY DESK - Hello, I'm glad you decided to read advice from The Neopian Times
actual advice columnist. There was a recent article last week written on the behalf
of a Dr. Frank Sloth. Sloth, I have some advice for you; don't quit your day job!
By the way, how about a wardrobe change once in awhile? If you'd love to discuss
how to give proper and good advice over a cup of borovan I'd love to do lunch
with you. I've never had lunch with an evil genius before and I'd be honored to
offer my autograph and advice.
Moving on, I've gotten stacks and stacks of letters and I want to thank everyone
who submitted their problems to me. I am quite honored that you would come to
ask me, than anyone else. I wish I could display all the letters, but I can't.
I carefully selected the following letters and my solutions to appear in the
article. As always I am ready to offer my advice to anyone that asks of it;
in some cases some that don't ask for it at all!
Dear Roxy: My Baggus-brained Lupe brother was running through the
house and he like totally trashed an outfit of mine. Now like I cant leave the
house. I mean like, eeew, go out in something that isn't like, over 6,000 Neopoints?
That is like SO Snowager time... -Can't Go Out For A Sale
Dear Can't Go Out For A Sale: Like, I think you have a problem like
using like the word like. First of all, I am sorry your brother trashed your
outfit. I hate when that happens, my brother, Kudio has destroyed his fair share
of my outfits, too. You always need a back-up outfit. There is more to fashion
than just who has the most expensive clothes, if you are buying all your clothes
based on the price tag than on what they actually are; then you really know
nothing about fashion at all. As for not wanting to shop at sales, you can find
some good vintage items at sales; which you must know are like totally in. By
the way, before I totally like forget you might want to work on using the other
like words than like, like. It makes you sound like you like have no like brain
cells! I may be into fashion but that doesn't mean I am like shallow or stupid!
No offense, but you should like both when you talk like that. Another little
piece of advice, I wouldn't go around insulting the Snowager. Icicles fired
at you can really ruin a snow ensemble. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Dr. Sloth gives way better advice than you. Why is it
that you are the advice columnist not him? -Sloth Rules
Dear Sloth Rules: I must say it must be quite hard to dress so bad,
give advice, and attempt to take over the world. Must I remind you that Dr.
Frank Sloth has never successfully taken over the world and hasn't offered advice
worth taking. No offense, Slothy! Do you want to take advice form a badly dressed
failure or fashionable success? The choice is all yours. Don't forget Sloth
is a genius, but so am I! -Roxy P.S. Before I forget, bring it on Sloth!
Bring it on! I can battle and look good at the same time, what's your excuse?
Dear Roxy: Now that Neoschool is being released, I want to send my
pets to school. I know what is best for them, but I'm worried about what they'll
think. All of them love reading and learning new things, but what effect will
Neoschool have on them? -Concerned Owner
Dear Concerned Owner: I am positive that at Neoschool they will not
learn anything they aren't supposed to. Neoschools will be an outlet for them
to make new friends, to study and learn, and try new things. It will over all
broaden your pet's horizons and is the right thing to do. If you are still worried
about sending them to Neoschool, you can always choose to homeschool them. You
can educate them at their own pace and monitor the material they learn. Although,
homeschooling is an option; you cannot learn a hundred and one uses for dung
at home. Some things you just have to learn a Neoschool. You'll make the right
decision, just your concern shows that you really care about them. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I want to paint my Kacheek Striped. Is that a good color
for my Kacheek? -Kacheeks Are Cool
Dear Kacheeks Are Cool: I am painted Striped, and I highly recommend
it! -Roxy
Dear Sarah: I have this really weird problem. For some reason, I keep
calling people by different names! My Neopet Angelica, I um, mean Amelia is
trying to help me but nothing that Phoebe, I mean Amelia does is helping! What
should I do? -Dana... uh... I mean, Lucy
Dear Dana/Lucy or whatever your name is: First of all, my name is
Roxy! Say it with me now, Roxy! Not Sarah. You definitely do have a problem,
it's sad when someone can't remember their own name. I suggest getting names
tags for all your pets, friends and one maybe for yourself. That way if you
forget the name, all you have to do is look at their name tag. I just hope you
don't forget how to read. -Roxy (Not Sarah!)
Deer Roxy: Do u know why Snoflake rejected me purfectly written and
spull checked by me artical? -Somon who spells goood
Dear Somon Who Spells Good: Even the greatest of reporters has to
rely on someone else for spell check. I suggest having one of your friends looking
over your article to fix any errors that could appear. Remember, no chat speak
in any of your articles! You might want to have them check the grammar, too.
Just a suggestion! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I am currently in the process of furnishing my NeoHome.
But I am stumped about what to do! Do you have any tips for decorating your
NeoHome on a modest budget? I am not a fan of Mystery Island (Bamboo) or Tyrannian
(Dung, Straw, or Stone) furniture, though. -Not In The Zone
Dear Not In The Zone: A total bummer about being stumped in the art
of interior decorating. My advice is not to waste all your Neopoints on expensive
sofas when you can just buy a bunch of pillows or bean bag chairs to lounge
on. They are comfortable and pretty inexpensive. In addition, with the right
color schemes a great addition to your NeoHome. Rugs are a great and cheap way
to liven up the NeoHome. If you are searching for a cheap bed how about a Regal
Oak Wood? They are not only great in taste and well, regal but they are about
the same prices as a Bamboo Bed. Those are only a few of the many suggestions
I can make, but I suggest going browsing at furniture stores. You can find great
buys on the normally expensive items. May the borovan be with you and as you
decorate! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I checked in my Bruce into the Faerie Castle Neolodge for
a short vacation. Afterwards, she started ringing a little bell whenever she
was hungry. I try to give her food but she turns her nose up at it if it costs
less than 10,000 NP. She is getting too skinny. How do I get her back to normal?
-A Spoiled Bruce Is Running My Life
Dear A Spoiled Bruce Is Running My Life: Your Bruce has a serious
case of Spoiliedous, and you are partly to blame for the disease taking over
her body and mind. You let your Bruce take over and did nothing to stop it,
now your Bruce believes she is in charge and she's the boss. You're the owner.
You are in charge. You need to get your power back. First of all, I would smash
that little bell into a million pieces. You aren't her servant, if she wants
a servant she can go hire one with her own Neopoints; but you work for no one.
Second, a symptom of getting Spoiledous is wanting all the expensive items,
I must warn you that expensive isn't always better. Tell your Bruce that she
can either enjoy the food you put in front of her or enjoy the fine cuisine
at the pound. I am highly against abandoning pets but just the threat will turn
your Bruce back to normal. Some times you just need to give your pets some tough
love. If she doesn't return back to normal and is still a spoiled brat, I'd
consult Fyora herself. If anyone can offer a cure for Spoiliedous, Fyora can.
After all, she has to deal with a bunch of bratty Neopets all day at the Hidden
Tower. -Roxy
To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail
to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and
grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and
repeated messages will be deleted, so please don’t waste your and my time. Please
don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming
amount of messages, not all of them can be answered by Roxy. All messages are
subjected to editing.
Author’s Note: You can take Roxy's advice or ignore it! Just because she
gave you a solution doesn't mean you have to do it. Thanks to all who submitted
their problems. May the Borovan be with you!
Other articles in which I offer my advice are Dear Roxy (Issue #105), Roxy
Writes Her Advice (Issue #107), and Another Dear Roxy (Issue #110) You can check
them out to see what other complicated problems I've solved. -Roxy
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