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NEOPIA - Government? Now that I come to think about it, perhaps there is a
possibility of government running Neopia. Yes! A secretly elected, shadow government
with undercover spies watching over Neopia. Believe it?
Though on second thought, it had always seemed to cross my mind that Neopia
was ran by a bunch of savage, wild asparagus obsessed Myncis and restless Mystery
Island natives.
Don't mind me! I have been renting recently, too many spy flicks at the local
video store. I'm a little paranoid now. But I thought I would share my whole
wacky conspiracy theory with the whole of Neopia anyway! Surely someone out
there will believe me and/or is interested in what I have to write.
Well put it this way, if you think this theory is hair brained and stupid
wait until you should hear this one I got my gullible Neofriends to believe.
Last summer, I convinced almost all of them that some crop circles (which I
created in my Neogarden myself) and that I had mysteriously disappeared after
they appeared. I told them I had been abducted by Alien Aishas. Haha! Suckers!
They believed me.
For a few minutes, that is.
Back to the topic at hand, do you want evidence of my? For instance, I haven't
never seen around Neopia at any point any election posters with a picture of
Doctor Sloth's ugly mug (don't tell him I said that) grinning. Unless he decided
not to run for government but that would be unlike him. Everyone knows what
Sloth is like. Power hungry.
Nor I have I sighted any spiffy, candycane poll booths with those free pencils
which are small enough to shove in your trouser pockets.
Neither did I see Fashionable Fyora or Tattle Tale Tiki Man giving out election
pamphlets on street corners? It would of been interesting to see their policies
and their whole campaign.
If Tiki ran, he could have a 'Save my Tombola and my Tiki Tack store in the
new world plot'.
Oopsy daisy! I spoke too soon.
If Fyora ran, she could have a campaign slogan 'I'll drop the prices, if you
drop the attitude'. Defending herself against all the Neopians opposed against
her Hidden Tower item prices.
So say, there isn't an official government in Neopia, would that mean there
is no laws in Neopia, too? If yes, I can finally manage to throw the wild party
at my NeoHome up in Faerieland I always planned on getting around to.
Whether there is a government or not, that doesn't excuse the fact we live
in Lawless Neopia.
Besides the law of physics which is 'what must go down, must go up' and the
Neopets Terms and Conditions there are not any other records of any laws in
Neopia.
The only one the rule I know has been past down from the olden times is 'That
Mystery Island Natives aren't allow to try to eat Mystery Island tourists after
5:pm and only on a full stomach'. It isn't obvious Pango Pango knew that.
Why don't rules get enforced around here? It would bring power and good around
here.
For example, there is no law to stop Darigan stealing the orb again in another
plot. I ask you to remember back to the Meridell Plot, what was his punishment?
Besides too much publicity for his agent to handle, which doesn't really count.
All he got was a slap on the wrist and all he did was go back to more scheming
in his citadel in Meridell.
Huh? That doesn't sound like right for making Neopians getting through yet
another plot/war. He make us pay more for codestone prices for crying out loud!?!
Doesn't he deserve to have a fine or penalty like picking off trash off the
highways of the Space Station. I really think a orange jump-suit would suit
him. Actually we would get fined from Roxy and the fashion police if he was
caught wearing non primary colours during daylight hours.
None of this makes any sense. Police are down and always seem to be on vacation.
Neopian crime is up and crime never takes a vacation.
(I don't know about you but have you seen Darigan playing with a ball on the
beach wearing a itsy bitty bikini? Er, of course not!)
How can us law abiding citizens follow an invisible set of rules? They can't.
Luckily, I have come a few of my own Neopian rules people can choose to abide
or follow if they really want to. Okay, I'm not some a hotshot lawyer that wears
micro mini skirts (I wish I had the legs) but trust me!
Plushieowner's set of Neopian Rules/Laws
1. Nick Neopia or any other chatspeakers aren't permitted within 10
km of any Times Author unless they have the author's permission to do so.
2. If you are going to sell fake NeoDeck cards and black market Hidden
Tower items on a street corner, do wear a black trench coat. Surely nobody will
notice how much of a con artist you really are.
3. Teasing Monitors on the Neo Chatboards should be a freezable offence.
So is making Editorial jokes. Er, um. Yes, both of those.
4. Keep your Poogles and Lupes on a leash at all time. And make sure
to carry a pan to scoop up any ‘accidents’ or ‘puddles’ your Neopet may leave.
5. Jaywalking isn’t permitted at all in Neopia under any circumstances.
Whereas ‘walking like a Neopian’ may be allowed in some parts of Neopia like
the Lost Desert.
6. "I didn't get a Dark Battle Duck or a Green Scorchstone from my
Snow Faerie quest" isn't a reasonable excuse to pelt snowballs at the Snow Faerie's
igloo.
7. Misusing your pet Scorchio's ability to breathe fire by lighting
up your outdoor grill. That's Neopet Cruelty. I don't care how you save on buying
matchsticks and coal. That is really mean.
8. Do tell your neighbours when you plan to hold a large party at your
NeoHome, with loud Sticks 'n' Stones music in the background.
9. Leave a calling card when you hack some famous Neopian's account
on your user lookup, so the Neopets Team don't have to look very far to freeze
your account.
10. Wearing Neopian Briefs on the outside of your trousers is visual
pollution. No one really wants to see whether or not you are wearing the Asparagus
design or Chet Flash design of Sloth's and Mister Pickle's line of Briefs.
In conclusion, I think basically Neopia needs more widely 'recognisable' laws
and to introduce them now! Before more broken windows are created, fires in
the streets are started and before Neopia's Lenny population gets out of hand
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