Whack! The Solution To All Enemies by snowfox176 |  |
Neopia is littered with cures to all problems. Got a sick pet on you hands? We’ve
got magic cookies, medicinal soap, and numerous shots for every disease. Out of
HP from too much Battledoming? We’ve got healing potion I, VII, IX… Evil overlord
getting on your nerves? Whack ‘em.
Whether it’s with a mallet, a rolled up newspaper, or even a loaf of bread,
Neopia has a thing for taking a swing at the next overlord trying to take over,
or, in Adam and Donna’s cases in Whack-A-Staff-Member, already in charge. It’s
much more peaceful than the Battledome, and it gets you Neopoints as well! What
could be better for revenge?
Dr. Sloth just zapped your precious, hard-earned Mootix to a pile of sludge!
Whack! Haha, take that!
Lord Kass just took over Meridell and hypnotized King Skarl! Whack! Haha, take
that!
You didn’t get into the Neopian times AGAIN! Whack! Haha, take that Snowflake.
And so on, and so on, and so on, whacking the enemy with a random blunt object
continues to be a trend. However, the list of enemies is almost endless. Everyone’s
got a grudge against something, from the Wheel of Monotony Quiggle to the poor,
unhappy Page-Down Pteri, and there are only a scant few games that permit revenge
against the denizens of evil. What, though, will be the next great whacking
revenge game? Splash-The-Lave Ghoul? Slap-The-Monotony-Quiggle? Although we
may never hope to see them, there are plenty of game possibilities.
Smack-A-Snowager – In this game, you play a hapless neopet attempting to get
to the rare Fish Negg, protected by the Snowager, who is always shooting at
you with his icy breath. Your weapon? A handheld hairdryer, used to blow heat
at the enemy and melt his attacks as you get closer, and them him at the closest
as he attempts to bite you instead. If you run out of battery power, you can
always throw it at him. WHACK! Haha, take that!
Pummel-A-Punchbag-Bob – Oh wait, that already happens. Poor Bob. He’s got such
a hard time being a Punchbag.
Pummel-A-Punchbag-Sid – Now we’re talking. See if you can hit the moving Punchbag
Sid with random rotten fruits. Bonus points if you get his eye patch with a
tomato. Lose points if you accidentally hit his brother, poor old Punchbag Bob.
Hopefully you’ll be able to tell the difference between the two. SPLAT! Haha,
take tha-oops.
EEEEEvil Pinball – Tired of playing second fiddle to a toddler Shoyru when
it comes to catching Marblemen? Don’t be satisfied by bouncing them off bumpers;
drop one in the slot, pull the lever, and watch the colored denizen of evil
get swirly-eyed as it’s thrown around a pinball machine. Just when the hole
is in sight and salvation is nigh, WHACK! Send it flying for another round of
bouncing with a solid smack from the paddles.
Splat-A-Spyder – Eeek! It’s a giant Spyder that was lost in the cornfields
after the war! You know it would be hard to figure out if all five million of
them were really defeated. Oops, it just ran away. Well, what’s a neopet to
do? Grab your trust fly-swatter and shrink-spray and go in after it! Follow
the maze to find the devious denizen. Once you find it, give it a spritz with
the Shrink-spray to immobilize it, then WHACK! One dead Spyder. So much easier
than taking them on in the Battledome, and you get your NP too! Just make sure
one doesn’t sneak up behind you…Eek! There’s one! SPRITZ-WHACK! Eeeww….
Trounce-The-Times – You’ve been rejected from the Neopian Times too much! Now
take that fiction-frustration out on other people’s work! Snowflake walks across
the screen with a news article or story in hand, a popular neocomic artist or
author on the front. Sabotage time! You’re armed with a water sceptre. Aim at
the paper while she’s walking by and SPLASH! One story down, lots more left
to go. Watch out though, she might just walk by with yours a few times. Good
thing you sent in three stories. Splash them, and you’re sunk. Hey, look! Al_the_chia’s
newest fiction! SPLASH!
Wallop-A-Pants-Devil – Protect your prized possessions! You’ve got all of your
greatest treasures lined up before you, all six of them, and the Pants Devil
just behind them! As he bounces around them trying to figure out which one he
wants, throw a Pile of Dung his way! Hit him before he makes off with half of
your items or you run out of dung. Watch out, though. He gets faster as you
make him angrier, and can bring his friend the Grundo Commander! NOOO! Don’t
take my Fish Negg! Take this instead! SPLAT!
Slap-The-Monotony-Quiggle – The pointless and Neopointless game that’s been
waited for since Catch-A-Coco left the islands. Just repeatedly slap the hapless
Quiggle who’s just doing his job at a long, boring wheel and has to sit through
all the complaining and griping from Neopets who get a bad spin or one of the
two-hour spins. Darn that cruel, evil Quiggle. Show him who’s boss. WHACK! That’s
it, vent that frustration.
Bottle-Balthazar - A faerie finally got the better of the wily Lupe, and now
Balthazar is stuck in his lair, faerie-sized. Now it’s up to you to catch him!
Search the large, labyrinthine lair within the time limit to first off first
a captured faerie who will gladly abandon her bottle. Then, it’s time to hunt
down the Lupe before the faerie’s spell wears off. And when you find him…WHACK!
Congratulations! You’re now the one and only owner of a Bottled Balthazar. You
KNOW that’s got to be rare. There’s only one, after all. Monetary prizes are
awarded depending on how fast you can trap him. Just make sure you do. Do you
really want to be stuck in the lair of a monstrous Lupe with only a bottle in
your hands? ….I didn’t think so.
As vendettas are nearly endless in Neopia, whether against a monstrous Monocerous
or a downtrodden Pteri, and so the list of vengeful whacking goes on. Although,
it is highly likely that most of the actual whacking will go on in the Battledome,
Neopians can still dream of the day they see the newest flash game, their greatest
enemy under a mallet, newspaper, baseball bat, loaf of bread, rotten fruit,
dung, and the list goes on.
Disclaimer: snowfox176 does not condone the use of any aforementioned weaponry
against your enemies outside of Neopia. She does thank you for taking the time
to read this article, and hopes to not find anyone getting ideas and spraying
her with a water sceptre because they didn’t get into this week’s Times. Thank
you.
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