NEOPIA CENTRAL - Every single Neopian began as a Newbie, struggling through
numerous challenges whilst unraveling the secrets of the mysterious world of
Neopia. I, for one, made countless mistakes when I first began playing NeoPets
on the 23rd of March 2001. If you are a Newbie, do not worry about not knowing
what happens where on NeoPets. That is what this article is about, and in case
you are wondering where you even are now, this is an article in the NeoPets
weekly newsletter, The Neopian Times. This week, you get to participate in a
quiz to test how much the vast world of Neopia has affected your life on some
planet all known to the rest of us *grin*.
Give yourself points equal to the number of the statement that applies to
you on Earth (e.g. If your answer for statement #5 is yes, add 5 points to your
score). Be truthful, and the results will be 125.86% accurate, certified by
the Druid.
1. You log on to NeoPets at least once every two days.
2. You can sort the Big Fat Liar, DivaStars™ and Usuki Frenzy games
in chronological order of their appearance in Neopia.
3. Both your computer wallpaper and screensaver have NeoPets in them.
4. You can click on the location of the Hidden Tower, Dead End and
Fungus Cave without having the map finish loading. (Do not Neomail me asking
for the positions of these sites; it is just plain irritating and I will delete
such Neomails.)
5. You do not believe that keeping money that has been dropped on the
floor by others is bad.
6. According to your recent theory, people are born adults and can
be changed back to babies if they choose to.
7. The only restaurant you know is the Golden Dubloon.
8. When doing a lab experiment in Science class, you wonder why the
maze set for the guinea pig has cheese at the end instead of Neggs.
9. When NeoPets is down, you pass the time by rereading a copy of the
Neopedia you printed out.
10. You actually decide to PAINT your pet.
Have you finished with your score? Good. Now it is time to check your medical
status and my prescription for your addiction. If you received:
0 to 11: Try playing a bit more NeoPets. You will need the experience.
Meanwhile, maintain your cooties and do not start thinking of them as NeoMites.
If you already are, maybe you should check out the next treatment instead.
12 to 22: All you need is a little rest at places with little to do
with NeoPets. Go to an amusement park (safe because NeoPets took away theme
parks a while ago), buy a few stocks (which can actually rise and fall within
a few seconds, unlike NeoPets) and get acquainted with the following sign once
more while you are at it: $ (Never thought you would see this in the Neopian
Times, huh?)
23 to 33: Uh-oh. Your condition is fairly dangerous. My proposed therapy
is to take these two tablets and Neomail me in the morning. Nah, call me instead.
34 to 44: You had better see a psychiatric specialist before it is
too late. Serious symptoms you have. I have prepared several of their phone
numbers. Want them? Oh, you would rather call on Dr. Gelert at the Neopian Hospital?
Okay. No, wait a minute!
45 to 55: It is too late for you now. You are a hopeless case. I need
not do anything to you, because in a few days the police (who are NOT made of
Chias) are probably going to throw you into an asylum nevertheless.
Well, that is it for now. If you have any queries, feel free to Neomail
me. This is Druidgetafix, wishing you good luck in your adventures throughout
the vast world of Neopia. | 
