| GALLERY OF EVIL - Green is such a wonderful color! Why would anyone think that
green is evil? Green is the color of grass (except in summer when it's brown)
and trees (except the blue spruce, but that's not the point) and palm fans and
stuff. There is a demented person out there who wrote an article last week called
"It's
So Evil Being Green", who seems to think that a couple of rotten green
apples have spoiled the whole green barrel. Well, that's so untrue! And I am here
to show you the other side of the oxidized coin.
It's true that green has gotten a bad rap color-wise. That's the only
thing the idiot who wrote last week's article said that I agree with. Just because
dung is greenish and puke is greenish and snot is greenish doesn't mean that
all body secretions are bad. Sweat isn't green, for example. Unless you're from
Mars or something. I think SOME people have been programmed to think green is
evil because they have already chosen another color to be their favorite, like
chartreuse, for example. Wait a minute... chartreuse is a shade of green isn't
it? Okay, bad example... let's say fuchsia instead. Anyway, just because green
isn't your favorite color doesn't mean it's evil even if it's the same color
as Meuka's neck if he had a neck.
Okay, most of Dr. Sloth's minions are Grundos, and Grundos are green except
for the ones that are Solar Red, Galactic Blue, Cosmic Yellow, Meteoric Purple
and Planetoid Brown, that is. But the Grundo Chef (also known as Gargarox Isafuhlarg)
isn't evil. Here is what the Neopedia has to say about him:
"Grundo Chef has two loves in his life, making bizarre new recipes and
playing Gormball. Sadly he is not too great at either, but he tries very hard.
This innovative cook will mix anything together. He brought Spotted Pudding,
Beef Rouladen and Scrambled Eggs A La King to Neopia, along with some of his
less popular dishes."
Just because his Chicken Cordon Bleu is green and not blue doesn't
mean he's evil. It just means he's either very very very odd or he's color blind.
There is another green Grundo that used to work for Dr. Sloth too. His name
is Truggdon. His basic skills are washing dishes and playing Tug-O-War. But
he used to be in Dr. Sloth's army until he deserted. So it's obvious that being
a deserter is a good thing. After all, if it weren't for deserters Darigan would
never have won the Meridell-Darigan War, right? And Darigan can't be evil because
he's not green, right? Okay, maybe his hands, feet and tail are green, but his
face isn't, and that's what counts, right?
And what about those Battledome challengers? Just because they challenge you
to the Battledome doesn't automatically mean they are bad. Take Tekkitu the
Witch Doctor, for example. Just because the only way to get him to challenge
you to the Battledome is to fork over 50 Neopoints for a stupid Tiku Taku Tour
doesn't mean he's evil. Just the tour is evil.
Sabre-X isn't evil either. A little stingy about the Giant Omelette maybe,
but not evil.
Of course the most misunderstood green Battledome challenger is Chiazilla.
Here is what the Neopedia says about poor Chiazilla: "Legend has it that
a great king used to rule over the Cocos. He had the power to summon the Sea
Monster from the depths of the ocean in times of need. Whenever the Cocos were
threatened, Chiazilla would come and scare the enemy away." Chiazilla may
be a horrible, scary, nasty monster, but it's in a nice way.
There are lots and lots Neopets in the Neopedia that aren't evil. Okay, maybe
there are only a couple, but they aren't evil. Senator Palpus is a green Tuskaninny
who used to be in King Coltzan's... ummm... senate. He's definitely a good guy.
He may have a nose that looks like someone stuck a mutant potato on his face,
but that doesn't make him evil. Just very very ugly.
Sally the Usul is green. Well, all Usuls are actually light brown, but she
has a fuzzy green collar that for some reason technically makes her a green
Usul. Anyway, here is something from the Neopedia about Sally:
"Hello everyone," Sally said, placing a mysterious looking package on the
teacher's desk. "Today, I'm going to show you my most favourite collection to
date. I know what you're all thinking, but it's nothing like my last show-and-tell.
I promise. You're all going to love this one because you get to try a piece!
But you better not spoil your lunch."
The class began to cheer at the thought of free food, but suddenly they all
stopped when one of the students asked, "What's that smell? Yuck!"
"Ewww, look... it's stinky Sally and her dung cake collection. Stay away from
her!" another student yelled.
Just because she used to collect dung cake before she started collecting Usuki
dolls, and just because dung cake is green and disgusting, doesn't mean Sally
is evil. She's a little obsessive about collecting pointless things, but she's
not evil.
It's true that many mutants are green. But mutants aren't the only pets that
are strange and green too. Have you seen what the GLOWING paint brush does to
pets? It makes them practically radioactive. I means it's pretty odd to have
a Neopet that moonlights (literally) as a night-light. Bizarre yes. Evil no.
What about Earth Faeries? They are green and well... down-to-earth too. It's
true that when you do quests for the OTHER faeries that they actually raise
the stats of your pets and all the earth Faerie does is bloat them which you
could get for 5 Neopoints a night at the Neolodge, but that doesn't make Earth
Faeries evil. Besides, Illusen is an Earth Faerie and she's not evil. Her glade
is a little on the untidy side right now and her Illusens combs and Illusens
cream cookies are green and worthless, but she's definitely not evil.
I guess the nicest thing in Neopia has to be the Money Tree. And as I pointed
out before trees are green (except the blue spruce, but I already said that).
There is nothing evil about the Money Tree. Okay, maybe it's haunted by ghosts
who steal items and Neopoints and maybe all you can ever grab off of it (IF
you can grab something off of it) are one Neopoint items no one wants-- but
it's a great service. Even if it does encourage people to hang around it trying
to get free stuff instead making Neopoints to buy things like everyone else.
All I can say is, that in order for this stoneman3x guy to write an article
trashing the color green, it must mean he's just green with envy or something.
I think that this stoneman3x is -- ummm... wait a minute... I'M stoneman3x!
Oh... uh... nevermind.
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