The Lesser-Known Petpets: Felly

I recently didn’t take a poll, asking how many people had ever heard of the Felly before they weren’t polled. Here are the results I didn’t get:

86% - Nope, never heard of it.

12% - Yeah, I’ve heard of it.

2% - Hehe... Felly rhymes with ‘smelly.’

Well, it seems quite obvious that most of Neopia is ignorant to the wonderful little creature aptly (or rather not aptly) named the ‘Felly.’ 86% of the people polled hadn’t heard of it before in their Neopian lives – we’ll refer to that percentage as Felly-Free. 12% had heard of it, but were probably just lying to be part of the 12% -- thus, we’ll be referring to them as the Fake-Fellies. 2% of the poll, however, were completely immature little brats who thought it would be funny to answer something completely off topic. Let’s just call it the TK Factor.

So... what is the Felly, exactly? I suppose a picture might be best suited (and fitted with a cute little bow-tie) here. *ahem* SNOWFLAKE! PUT THE PICTURE HERE!

Snowflake: Hehe, sorry wrong Felly. Ahem, here you go...

Now that you have a visual, let’s further examine the sadly unknown Petpet called the Felly. It’s got two eyes, 5 leg-like tentacle things, an “I know something you don’t know-esque” smile, and it’s full of love, care, and, oh yeah, NEGLECT! Maybe it’s because of the striking resemblance between seaweed clinging to a rock, or maybe the close similarity to ‘smelly’ doesn’t do it justice, but how many of you truly know what a Felly is?

It says in the Felly’s description (talk about not wanting to label a person... jeez)... well, why don’t you go ahead and read it? SNOWFLAKEEEEE! DESCRIPTION GOES HERE, GIRL!

“Felly floats in mid-air, and will follow your Neopet wherever he or she may go.”

Well, let’s see now. Obviously, Fellies are not underwater creatures, contrary to popular belief (just kidding – you have to be known to have a popular belief about you). They prefer no gender of Neopet (neogirl_x_pretty_qtpie_starbrightangel_goldenuni_482047, you’re in luck!), and they’re obviously all named Felly, for lack of a ‘the’ signifying species.

They say Fellies weigh about a pound, which is totally bogus because I’ve fed one and they eat like stinkin’ Elephantes. The Felly mainly feasts on nachos, NeoCola, and high-sodium frosted cakes sold at the Bakery. Yes, their diet is wonderful. Of course, they burn it all off when they... exercise! (I bet you were expecting Fellies to do something totally cute, funny, and unique to a Petpet, but they exercise, just like everyone else... you moron.)

As far as history goes, nobody is quite sure where the Felly species came from. That is, nobody except for those who know there the Felly species came from. They’re the only ones who know where the Felly species came from. I, sadly, am not one of those people, but I can only take an educated guess that they are mutated spawn of Dr. Sloth. Yeah, I’m a smarty – you don’t have to tell me twice (or even once, because, as I said, I know I am.)

There are no famous Fellies in Neopian history, really – well, except for that one Felly who single-handedly defeated Lord Kass and saved Meridell from destruction – but Blue Lupe Morphing Potions put an end to that legacy.

Now, I’m sure as you read this article, you keep thinking to yourself, “This guy has got to talk about Faellies! With the similar spelling, it’s like destiny!” Think again, pretty girl. While ‘Faellies’ sound like ‘Fellies’, ‘Fellies’ is simply the plural of ‘Felly’, and if you compare the singular of ‘Faellies’, which is ‘Faellie’, to the singular of ‘Fellies’, ‘Felly’, then you can obviously see that an article with ‘Felly’ in it does not necessarily have to have ‘Faellie’ in it. Pretty girl.

Unlike most exposés on Petpets, Felly World (yes, that really is the dubbed subtitle of this article) takes a different approach to information on Petpets. What’s next in my tribute to Fellies? An acrostic poem... that has absolutely no relevance to the Felly.

What To Do With A Felly

F – Feel it.

E – Eat it.

L – Love it.

L – Like it slightly less than loving it.

L – Learn to spell Felly.

Y – Yurble it.

Obviously, I’m not a poet. And obviously there are no good Y verbs.

Well, now... the poetic side of me is out, so back to the basic information. Or... did we already go through all the basic information? Lemme re-check the progress... one minute...

Introduction... clever poll.... hold for laughter and applause... picture of Felly... diet... origin... history... comical take on Faellies leading to confusion... acrostic poem that got me kicked out of the Catacombs...

Wow... we’re all done! I suppose there really is more information on the Felly, but you know... there’s only so much a person can type without not typing. If you know what I mean. Or if you don’t.

Anywho, I’ve got 971 words right now, and as we all know, 2 + 2 = 4, so I’ve still got a good amount of words left to type into this little old article of mine, and... hey look! I’ve passed the thousand mark! Bye!

Tune in next issue (or actually, whenever I get around to writing it) for the next article in the Lesser-Known Petpets series (yeah, it’s a series, by the way)... although I’ve yet to decide what Petpet to research! Drop me a Neomail and let me know which lesser-known Petpet you’d like to see! I swear, though, if you say Faellies....