100 Ways to Annoy Royals

I believe you have seen 50 Ways to annoy/confuse Spectre, 80 things to do while you wait for the Wheel of Monotony to stop spinning, or maybe even 100 ways to tell if you're addicted to Neoboards (if you haven’t seen them, please look through back issues, they made me laugh). These inspired me to write a whole 100 ways to annoy Royals.

However, be forewarned. The royals have a tremendous amount of power on their shoulders, and some of these pet peeves have no way of escape. (I suggest extensive 'vacations' to Mystery Island as getaways) Remember that, and maybe try these at home with the Royal Parents first.

I have 20 ways each for 5 royals. Enjoy the annoyance, your majesty!

20 WAYS TO ANNOY KING SKARL

20. Tell bad jokes at his next banquet.

19. Have a dung throwing contest, using a bullseye painted on the chair back of Skarl’s throne.

18. Hide a bunch of Mortogs in Skarl’s bed sheets.

17. Put up “Hagan for King!” posters all over Merridell (This may annoy Hagan as well).

16. Get a job as his butler, and then blow loud raspberries every time he tries to say something important.

15. Convince Jeran dung sandwiches are King Skarl’s new favorite food.

14. Send him an “I Love Kass” shirt.

13. Get the Pawkeets from Caption Contest 451 to steal Skarl’s crown.

12. Tease and style what little hair he has left with Illusen’s comb, so he looks like a clown in court.

11. Run into Skarl’s court shouting, “THE MUTANT FENNS ARE HERE!” at the top of your lungs.

10. Paint a really bad picture of him.

9. Send him lots of secret admirer cards, then a card that says, “I’m coming for you, Skarly!” and a sack of potatoes. Then never write to him again, and DEFINITELY don't come for him.

8. Tell Lisha that Skarl does not know his ABCs.

7. Send him Illusen’s cream cookies, made with dung instead of cream.

6. Put him on a diet plan that is strictly fruit and veggies. No carbs, no dairy, no dessert.

5. Buy him a set of, ahem, *pretend* clothes only the wise can see.

4. Steal his best robe; make a tiny disco jacket out of it, then send Skarl the disco jacket.

3. Invite him to a non-existent disco party, and say he can only come if he wears that cute jacket you sent him. He’ll either be annoyed at not being able to come, or he’ll make a fool of himself squeezing into the mini jacket.

2. Send him an eyeballberry with the leaves and stem cut off. Enclose a note that says, “I’m watching you”, written in red ink.

1. Hire Boochi to turn Skarl into a baby. Then make Skarl say that he deserved all the annoying things you did to him before you tell Boochi changes him back. (You may have to wait until Skarl learns how to talk again).

Now that Merridell’s king has been thoroughly annoyed, let us go to higher prospects…

20 WAYS TO ANNOY FYORA

20. Memorize where the Hidden Tower is, then sell al the items for 1 NP each. Let's just hope the Neopets team doesn't catch you and think you are scamming people.

19. Paint the Hidden Tower radioactive green so everyone can see it.

18. Give her a Fyora doll that says, 'I love you' every time you press its hand.

17. Throw an evil snowball at her.

16. Replace her tiara with a pink plastic crown.

15. When she's not at home, paint Fyora's bedroom like Jhudora's hair, and glue all the furniture to the ceiling.

14. Switch her almighty Golden Butter Knife with an ordinary gold cutlery knife.

13. Make Sloth shrink all of Fyora's clothes except for her worst matching outfit.

12. Tell the Battle Faerie that Fyora could do with a not-so-friendly Battledome challenge.

11. Run an anonymous article about Fyora in the Gibbering Gossiper (the Neopian Times' rival newspaper), and then buy Fyora a copy.

10. Hide her Harris in the Hidden Tower.

9. Hire a shadow neopet to go bump in the night. MUHAHAHAHAHA! *Note* this will not work if she has a night light.

8. If 9 doesn't work, tell everyone Fyora is a baby has a night light.

7. Trick her to sign a fake petition against monarchy.

6. Buy her a set of babyish dress up clothes that actually fit her.

5. Buy her the pickiest, most annoying Kadoatie ever.

4. If she disowns the poor Kadoatie, tell everyone how mean Fyora is.

3. Replace her make-up kit with the worst used make-kit you can find.

2. Tell all her friends Fyora is planning a sleepover that night. She will be annoyed that her friends showed up for a sleepover she didn't plan.

1. Tell her friends to give her regular rubber duckies as presents at her next birthday party.

Okay, now you have the Faerie Queen pulling out tufts of her purple hair. High time to find another royal...

20 WAYS TO ANNOY KING ROO

20. Embroider "Dice-A-Roo stinks!" on he back of his cape.

19. Get the Jolly Jugglers to juggle the Dice-A-Roo dice over a pit of bubbling slime.

18. Give him packages containing dung, and say that the stranger who gave King Roo the Dice-A-Roo dice sent them.

17. Start a game of 'See Who can Knock King Roo's Crown off With a Pile of Dung' with the city urchins.

16. Go 'boing' every time he tries to talk to you.

15. Make a 'King Roo' trading card, with 0 strength, 0 agility, 0 magic, and -1 intelligence.

14. Use Roo's crown as a basketball hoop.

13. Use the Dice-A-Roo dice in a game of Neoquest- The Board Game.

12. Steal all of his nachos. I'm sure the Soup Faerie has a recipe for nacho soup...

11. Get a Spyder dangly toy, put it on a rod, then dangle if in front of his face singing, 'the itsy-bitsy spyder...'

10. Do a puppet show for him, and make a Count Von Roo plushie bop a King Roo plushie on the head.

9. Send him a book of recipes involving Blumaroo steaks.

8. Send him a Blumaroo flavored steak. You wouldn't be so mean as to send him a real one, wouldn't

you? Huh? *uncomfortable silence* Eeep...

7. Give him a poisonous lollipop just before he has his annual royal photo.

6. Rig his dice so everyone loses on their first roll. Then no one will want to play with him.

5. Tell all his friends his latest party has been rescheduled to be 3 hours early.

4. Sell him a fake scratch card so the scratched spaces spell, 'April fool'.

3. Hide speakers all over his palace, then play a CD of his most hated band.

2. Run an article with 20 ways to annoy him.

1. Make an insulting King Roo avatar you get from annoying him 20 times.

Now the dice-flinging king is flinging himself all over the place in frustration. Better move on before he disturbs Count Von Roo...

20 WAYS TO ANNOY KING HAGAN

20. Steal his autobiography, and when his guards come after you, light a match and say, 'Stay away, or the book gets it!'

19. Wallpaper Brightvale castle with blown-up versions of Caption Contest 451.

18. Publish a large amount of books with incorrect information. Watch the confusion as people study from your books. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

17. Puzzle Hagan with your high-tech, super intelligent 'calculator'.

16. Prepare a great dung-and-gruel feast in his honor.

15 . Use his Neopoints to fund the feast.

14. Tell him Skarl has finally lost the amazing amount of weight he wanted to lose, and say Hagan now looks fat in comparison.

13. Leave a note saying the expensive furniture imports from Tyrannia are here.

12. Furnish his room with dung furniture, and another note that says, 'I hope you like it'.

11. Take him to feed Kadoaties, but all the Kadoaties want is all of his Neopoints.

10. Send him the BIG book of puzzles, and then spread rumors he couldn’t even complete the first puzzle.

9. Two words- bank malfunction.

8. Have him take an IQ test. The results will say he will have an IQ of 2.

7. Make him go through medical exams for every disease existing, including some you made up.

6. Send him a picture book about learning how to read.

5. Give him Fyora's makeup kit. Remember, the one you stole?

4. Come to give him a speech, but stand there for 20 minutes, or how long it takes for him to order to take you away.

3. Send him a shirt that says, 'My mommy says I'm special.'

2. The day before Halloween, report a dangerous criminal has escaped.

1. On Halloween, report you saw this criminal, and then describe Hagan's Halloween costume.

The king of smarty land is now acting stupid with all of your annoying pranks. Please, no complaints about who we are annoying next. He's attempted to invade us so many times we may as well give him his own country.

20 WAYS TO ANNOY DR. SLOTH

20. Have his Grundos do the conga in his throne room.

19. Send pretend letters to the Neopian Council and Sloth saying 'please invade us!' and 'I'm coming to invade you!' I presume you are smart enough to know who's who.

18. Get a picture of Sloth applying face cream and post it all over the Space Station.

17. Send him a love letter from the Space Faerie.

16. Throw a birthday party for him with a dung cake. (This works well if his birthday is 4 months away.)

15. Throw another party with the leftover cake.

14. Publish a book of Sloth's most evil plans.

13. Send him a baby JubJub. This will bring back baaaaaad memories. Trust me.

12. Send him a big box labelled 'super-wowie-mega-laser guns'. The box only contains a mini cork gun.

11. Call the TV company and say Sloth only wants 24 hour romance channels.

10. Replace his wardrobe with pink replicas.

9. Wallpaper his room with the most embarrassing Sloth-themed comic you can find.

8. Say, 'Aww, does the wittle slothy-wothy want to play with his ray gun?' (be careful with this one if you want all of your limbs attached by the end of the day.

7. Get the highest score in Korbat's Lab, then go 'Nya nya nya nya nya!' in his face. (My advice for 8 still applies)

6. Redecorate Sloth's bedroom with pretty faerie furniture.

5. See how good Sloth is at Gormball!

4. Play the bagpipes in his ear, if he has an ear.

3. Whenever Sloth makes an evil statement, make siren noises.

2. Tell the Chia Police to stakeout at the Test Your Strength game. Then take Sloth to go play.

1. Pour hot cornupepper coffee in his lap. The pain! The PAIN!

Well, thanks for reading all the annoying secrets of the Royals. Now excuse me, there are Draik guards, mutant Grundos, and angry faeries chasing me. Bye! Oh, and thanks hiyaumbar for letting me use your screen name to publish this article. Can't be too secretive.