Negg Effects - the Evil of It All!!!

Neggs. Everybody loves them, from the n00biest of n00bs (“GiVe Me aLl Of Ur NeGgS AnD Ur PaInT bRuShEs Or I’Ll RePoRt u fOr bEiNg ReAlLy MeAn u BiG MeAnY”) to the richest of the rich (“Oh yes, I didn’t have anything that good to feed my pet for brunch, so I had to give him a cool negg. That food is so common! He so wanted to be a Koi, but I said, ‘No, you have to wait until you've been a Draik for at least a day.’”). But have you ever wondered if, possibly, there is an evil hidden side effect? One that could take over Neopia? Are they just a part in Dr Sloth’s plan to make the Neopets poke each other with sticks, like Meepits? Or are they just there to put the pets in a really bad mood and give them stomach aches? Nobody knows because they have never really watched their pets admiring themselves in the mirror after eating a deceptively gorgeous Glamour Negg, or when they’re groaning on the marble floor after eating their painfully dangerous Spiked Negg without chewing – until now. With the help of my… um… volunteer *cough* Lambene, I set out to prove to the world that Neggs have an evil mind, bent on world domination! *evil laugh*

Happy Negg – This wasn’t so bad, really; my volunteer was so happy, she gave me the rest of the negg, which I saved for later. Lambene was in a pretty good mood for the rest of the day, giving me a false illusion that the rest of the experiment would go off without a hitch. How wrong was I…

Glamour Negg – Lambene became very interested in splashing her face with paint that she thought was makeup, when actually it WAS paint that Danger gave her as a joke. She also stole my brand new heels, dripping the paint all over them and bringing me to tears. Those heels had cost me 100,000 NP… All of a sudden, I knew I needed some of that leftover Happy Negg. But I knew there was definitely a good dose of evil in that negg, and probably some of it used to belong to the Meepits. As the paint dripped over my expensive shoes, I saw a look of revenge in Lambene’s eyes, although that could be because I keep making – sorry – LETTING her eat neggs… that was a close one…

Smiley Negg – Now it was Lambene’s turn to cry. She couldn’t stop smiling, but don’t think she was happy about it. Her cheeks ached so much… That’ll teach her to paint my shoes. *evil laugh* Hm… looks like there was a bit of evil in that leftover Happy Negg. That was a really good evil laugh! I’m so proud.

Blue Furry Negg – This didn’t do anything. I suppose it was because Lambene is already blue and furry, but she seems happy enough that nothing happened, as she got the day off. Meanwhile, I was playing games continually to try and get some money back; this experiment was cleaning me out.

Crystal Negg – Once again, not a lot happened, although I noticed that Lambene’s fur had become silky smooth and ultra shiny, but that could have been because she had showered before she ate it.

Genius Negg – This one bored me. Lambene was reeling off numbers like… um… a really smart pet. Maybe I should have asked her for a better example while the negg was still working its magic…

Bang Bang Negg - Lambene exploded. Not much, but let's just say she has taken to wearing a hat EVERYWHERE. I’m still saving up to get her a wig, but by now I’d spent a lot of money on the neggs.

Fireball Negg – Luckily, Lambene didn’t catch fire (I can’t afford a wig for her whole body) but whenever we went in the same room as her it was like sitting on an oven. A really hot oven which was wearing a stove to make it hotter. I described it well, didn’t I? Yeah.

Icestorm Negg – By now I was on my last little bit of money and my last shred of sanity. I had a feeling that this might cool down my temper and the house (with any luck). But the Fireball Negg was still in effect and before I could even get the lovely cold Negg over to Lambene, it melted into a puddle of hot water. The water had overheated, and so had my already short temper. At this point I had an emotional breakdown; that negg had cost me the last bit of my money, and the house still wouldn’t cool down. I sent Lambene to Terror Mountain to cool down, and also to tell the Negg Faerie that she could keep her neggs, and that she was never allowed to sell me any ever again. The last I heard, there is no longer a Terror Mountain; Lambene probably melted that too.

By this time, I was way too poor to continue with this weird experiment. Even if I wasn’t, I don’t think I could have continued for the sake of my already damaged mental health. So I have a challenge for the strange, strange people of Neopia – continue my incomplete mission to save our sanity. The pets of Neopia have a right to know the truth, but as I am locked away in my room, playing the Neoquest board game and wondering when the pretty pink piano will fly to Kreludor, they are at risk to the evils of the Neggs. And if Neopia isn’t saved by a plucky young Neopian, then take this warning – if you are going to feed your pet a Smiley Negg, please, for the sake of their chubby little cheeks, give them a Happy Negg first. Thanks for your time – I hope you are the one to save Neopia.