Hasee Bounce and Its Surprising Applications to Life

Number 1: Don’t get too greedy or you may get nothing at all. Don’t try so hard to double a fish doughnutfruit that you end up eating dung by mistake and missing out on 50 points. Though the temptation to wait until the last possible second to jump so as to double the doughnutfruit is often very strong, the effect on your morale of missing a fish can be detrimental. Using every opportunity you get to the fullest (like making an effort to double or triple the doughnutfruit) is important, but don’t get greedy or you may lose it entirely. Similarly, do not take advantage of a client, employer, or friend lest you lose business, your job, or a friendship, which I daresay is worth considerably more than any hundred-point bonus.

Number 2: The rate at which the score increases fluctuates. Don’t compare your score now to other rounds. Many of the points in Hasee Bounce are grouped together into various types of doughnutfruits: sponge, gold, green, etc. Because of this, the number of points one receives, say, per second, fluctuates very widely. The moral is that if you are halfway through a game of Hasee Bounce with 50 points, don’t be upset if you remember that last game you had 80 points at the halfway mark (and by the way, if you did, good job!). The life lesson? Don’t compare yourself to other people who are better than you at something now. Just wait—you may catch up. Or you may not, in which case your talents have probably been funneled into some other area. People have different talents and abilities, a generally accepted fact, but what many people fail to realize is that the time it takes for these talents to develop varies greatly from person to person.

Number 3: Never underestimate the power of what’s to come. This is probably one of the most important lessons that can be learned from Hasee Bounce. If you have been doing your best, but only plain doughnutfruits have appeared, you probably feel like closing the game and starting over, or doing something else entirely. But this message says, “Stop! Wait! Don’t close it yet! There will be three rainbow doughnutfruits in a row if you just hang on for ten more seconds!” Obviously, this is a bit of an exaggeration, as three rainbows in a row would be incredibly rare. But there’s a chance of it, and if you ask me, it’s worth holding out for. Likewise, never give up on a person or new idea if your first impression is negative. This friendship or innovation may prove to be worth more to you than six fish doughnutfruits, all doubled. That’s a chance worth taking.

Number 4: Attitude is everything! This is a phrase you’ve likely heard before, probably in relation to sportsmanship or sullen teenagers. And while it is certainly important for athletes and teenagers alike to be positive, this tenet also applies to Hasee Bounce. If you miss a Flaming Doughnutfruit within the first five seconds of playing, you may feel like starting over right away. I know how that feels, and in some cases it may be the best option, depending on how disappointed you are. But once you have already become invested in a particular round and then you miss a Flaming Doughnutfruit, try, try, try to be positive. Don’t become so upset that you miss the Ice Doughnutfruit that comes right after it because you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself. This is one of the hardest Hasee Bounce lessons to use, especially because when you miss a Fish Doughnutfruit, you want to feel sorry for yourself, for heaven’s sake! But try to resist the temptation. Save that until after the round is over.

Number 5: Never jump against something (like dung); always jump for something (like a doughnutfruit). The main reason why this is important in Hasee Bounce is that, while you may think you are being extremely clever jumping Jimmi so as to miss a dollop of dung, but it is all too likely that in your cleverness you are sending Woogy directly to the fate you were trying to avoid—a dung concussion. By jumping “against” something, you are jumping into the unknown, meaning that, at the time you jump, you do not know what will pop out to hit the other hasee. If you had instead jumped for a doughnutfruit, then if another piece of dung were to come out you would at least have collected one point’s worth of doughnutfruit. Jumping so as to miss something may turn out well, but it is all too likely that it will not. Also, as previously mentioned, a positive attitude (jumping “for” something) is better than a negative one (jumping “against” something else). This same principle applies to life: when you are old enough to vote, try to find a candidate you would like to vote for, instead of saying, “I will choose anyone as long as it isn’t ‘Candidate A’.” True, in some situations you will be forced to choose the lesser of two evils, but whenever possible, remember: for, not against.

Number 6: Don’t eat dung. Excellent advice, if I do say so myself, both in life and Hasee Bounce. Dung seems to have the peculiar effect of creating a star halo around the hasees as if they were dead, an experience I’m sure is not very invigorating for poor Woogy and Jimmi. As for its application to life, my reasoning is thus: it doesn’t taste very good.