The Kadoaties Are Restless

For some users who have no clue what I’m talking about, (i.e. joecool219,) let me explain. The Kadoatery is a place where users leave their Kadoaties when they go on vacation. Apparently Kadoaties are not permitted on flyers, possibly due to odors. And you can’t leave your Kadoatie there; all you can do is stop by and attempt to cheer them up by bringing them whatever object (usually food) that they whine for.

Am I the only one who recognizes this as an odd system? You have a continual stream of Kadoaties, changed approximately every hour, demanding anything they want and they’ll instantly have a herd of users coming to cater to their every whim? Well, of course they’ll get it. They have a Kadoatery avatar. All you need to do is feed 75 of them and they’ll give it to you. For free! Wowzers! And, as we know, we live in a culture that is obsessed with avatars to the point that we’re willing to destroy our toys just to bring them in for repair, cram our Safety Deposit Boxes to a pressure equivalent to twelve miles underwater and, perhaps worst of all, adopt a Skeith. But overall we can’t complain. I mean, the Kadoatery doesn’t make sense, but neither does the Hidden Tower. And I suppose it’s a safe place, with nothing wrong about it. Right?

If you believe that, then you’re probably joecool219. Everyone else, listen up. The Kadoaties are evil. Why? Three words:

Blue Draik Eggs.

Kadoaties are seemingly mad for Blue Draik Eggs. Go there on any given day and you’ll find anywhere from 2-6 of them wailing for one. Yeah, like we’re going to spend 1.5 mil on a petpet that isn’t even ours. The trouble is, people do. We’re all so brainwashed into helping these Kadoaties for prestige, trophies and Avatar glory that we’re willing to buy these Kadoaties Blue Draik Eggs. Crazy. There’s something wrong here. But let’s look at the facts logically.

1) Kadoaties want Blue Draik eggs. Constantly. They will not change their mind, they will not give in, they will simply wait until some n00b buys one for them.

2) It can probably be safely assumed that Kadoaties are reasonably intelligent. After all, they do have games where they gather food for themselves, or where they form a rescue team to get Warfs out of trees. Wait, no, that’s wrong. Kadoaties have games where they GET rescued from trees by a Warf Rescue Team or where people bring them food. So they’re even more intelligent than we originally thought. They can manipulate others into doing everything for them.

3) Kadoaties also show up in Feed Florg, where they’re eaten by a giant Mutant Chia.

4) Being eaten will probably make you disgruntled.

So we’ve got intelligent, innocent-seeming disgruntled creatures with an unlimited supply of Blue Draik Eggs. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Of course you are. You’re not joecool219.

Here’s the deal: Kadoaties are collecting the eggs and hatching them into Blue Draiks, to whom they attach mind control devices built out of empty plates and toys from the Kadoatery. They’re obviously keeping this a secret from the world. But why? Why do they want Draiks? More to the point, why do they only want BLUE Draiks?

I’m sure you guessed it: Blue is the Draik color for a guard at Meridell Castle. The Kadoaties are planning on sneaking their Draik army into the kingdom, blending in with the guards, then overpowering them and seizing control of the government. Hmmm...yes it works. But why Meridell? Why here and not Faerieland or Virtupets?

The answer lies within Meridell itself. Literally, the answer lies in Meridell, occasionally turning over in his sleep, sometimes eating your petpet; the Turmaculus. The Turmaculus, the self-styled King of Petpets. The Kadoaties are only taking over Meridell (possibly using a clever tunnel system involving Symol Holes,) for the sole reason of conquering this King of Petpets and ruling all the petpets in the world. It’s a pretty shrewd scheme.

But they have one problem: the Kadoaties have a secret arch-nemesis. Yes, we know who it is...joecool219. No sorry, it’s not him, it’s the other popular petpet of Neopia: ...the Slorg.

Think about it. Slorgs have two avatars to the Kadoaties one, they have managed to be the last petpets eaten in Feed Florg, they’re small and unassuming, and we know they too are gathering in Meridell. Why, one farmer even created Attack Of The Slorgs to drive back the rising Slorg populations at Meri Acres farms. They likely know the Kadoaties plans and are ready to stop them. Possibly using a method involving Slorg Trails. Or very tiny sharp sticks. Heh. That’d be funny.

So forget the Terror Mountain wars, the Hannah plot, the Brightvale vs. Meridell disputes, and whatever Gorix and Cylara have been doing in obscurity for the last four months. The real battle is much closer to home than that. It’s Kadoaties vs. Slorgs for the fate of humanity. How can you, a concerned user, stop this? There are several things you can do to stop the rising tide of Kadoaties. First, feed all your petpets to the Turmaculus. That way, he’ll be big and strong and able to hold off Kadoaties. You should also be careful to not use the Symol Hole in Meridell; no need to do some of the Kadoatie’s excavation work for them. Leave those priceless artifacts right where they are, buddy. This means you. You should also refrain from playing Warf Rescue Team (let those selfish Kadoaties rescue themselves) and Attack Of The Slorgs (don’t eliminate Slorg forces that will be one day needed.) Specifically refrain from playing these games on the first three days of every month, as that is a peak time for skirmishes between the petpets. Finally, (and this is the most important) stop going to the Kadoatery. Ever. Without food, they’ll be unable to raise their Blue Draik army or to stay healthy. Just to be on the safe side, send any Kadoatery foods to me and I’ll keep them hostage in my Safety Deposit Box. No one’s going to outsmart the users of Neopia!

Oh, and one last thing. You might be hearing some ramblings from a ‘loony’ named joecool219 who claims that I’m ‘lying’ and ’swindling the users for my own purposes.’ Yeah, right. Are you going to believe some idiot who has been panned by a reputable writer in a fine newspaper like the Neopian Times? I think not! He’s probably being mentally controlled by the Kadoaties. If you run into him on the street, I recommend stomping his foot. Very hard. Because, c’mon, if you can’t trust me, who can you believe?