PPL's Reply to the Petpet Lab

About a year ago the petpet laboratory was discovered. The laboratory can only be found if you have the completed map, but once you have access, you can use the ‘petpet lab ray.’ This sinister contraption can do almost anything to your petpet: change its species, change its color, change its name, increase/decrease its levels and, worst of all, turn your petpet into a pile of soot.

About an hour after the release of the petpet lab ray, some leaked information found its way to the Petpet Protection League, a.k.a. PPL. Acting immediately, PPL changed the rules regarding the PPL award so that zapped petpets are disqualified and launched an investigation into the lab. Unfortunately all attempts to shut down the lab proved futile.

We were lucky enough to be invited to the press conference of Gruss McGruslen, PPL’s founder.

“Here at the Petpet Protection League, we are disgusted that map pieces to the petpet laboratory leaked out. The lab so far has proved to be dangerous, insecure and shoddily built. Even after the various warnings, heartless pets and owners still insist on zapping their poor petpets. We would like to bring to your attention that the Kookith that runs the lab has been on PPL’s most wanted list since PPL was founded. His name is Kooth O’Kookith; he was the creator of the mutant petpet paint brush and we have reason to believe that he brainwashed the great Turmaculus and tricked him into eating millions of petpets. It had been a few years since we had heard anything about him and we thought we had seen his last evil plan when he created the petpet morphing potions. We will stop at nothing to have that lab shut down.”

After the press conference we found Gruss McGruslen again and asked him for a private interview. At first he seemed reluctant, but we were able to talk him round.

Samson: I appreciate that you gave up some of your time for this private interview.

Gruss: No problem. When I am getting paid?

Samson: Later.

Gruss: Okay then. Hurry up.

Samson: Alright, alright. Why are you so against the lab?

Gruss: Isn’t that obvious? Of course I would be against something that can destroy your petpet.

Samson: But the lab does some good things as well. Like increasing levels and turning them into special colors.

Gruss: Having a few extra levels and a nice color won’t be any good to you if your petpet gets turned into a pile of soot.

Samson: But if your petpet gets turned into a Pile of Soot you can take it off your pet and put it back on. That changes it back to its original form.

Gruss: So are you saying that you would let me zap you with a highly dangerous ray if I told you that I could make you turn back into your original form?

Samson: Good point. So... what are you going to do about the lab?

Gruss: Try and shut it down. However, attempts to do that so far have proved futile. We also tried to discourage people from using it, but no one listened.

Samson: What have you used to discourage people from wanting to use it?

Gruss: Disqualifying zapped petpets from the PPL award and contaminating the petpet puddle so that zapped petpets can’t be painted.

Samson: So that’s why zapped petpets can’t be zapped?

Gruss: Yup. About a day after the lab was found our scientists developed a chemical that would stop petpet paint brushes affecting zapped petpets. We sent a team of PBP (Paint Brush Professionals) to put the chemical in the petpet puddle. So far it has worked.

Samson: So even after all these warnings why do you think people are still zapping their petpets?

Gruss: That’s an easy one. Avatars!! Everyone wants avatars and the way avatars are obtained is barbaric!

Samson: Not everyone is an avatar collector... what else would make then ignore your warnings?

Gruss: We have come to a sad realisation that not very many pets and owners are about the PPL award. The way they see it they weren’t going to win anyway, so what have they got to lose? And as you said, they don’t care what happens to their petpet, because if they don’t like it, they can take it off or keep zapping.

Samson: Couldn’t you make the lab illegal and fine any pet and owner that has zapped their petpet?

Gruss: We could, but it would be too hard. Millions of people have the lab by now; we would need to take on hundreds of extra staff and they would all have to be against the lab. At the moment that is proving hard to do. We already had about 20 staff members walk out because they aren’t against the lab ray.

Samson: Surely people would care that they can’t paint their petpet after it has been zapped?

Gruss: They don’t seem to care about that either. If they are zapping the petpet, why would they want to paint it? If they wanted to paint it, they could buy one of that petpet and then paint it.

Samson: Then why don’t you make some more plans to want people not want to use the petpet lab ray?

Gruss: We are out of ideas. We can’t think of anything else; our last hope was destroying some pieces of the map so that they inflate a little bit, but the 250,000 NP that it costs to get the completed map doesn’t seem to scare people of getting it.

Samson: What a shame...

Gruss: Yeah I know... Can I have my neopoints now?

Samson: Oh alright, here's your 250k. Why did you want 250k anyway?

Gruss: To buy the petpet lab ray of course. I always wanted to be a Pile of Soot.

And so that pretty much sums up PPL’s reply to the petpet lab ray. Gruss McGruslen was against it and its creator, Kooth O’Kookith, and he told us the dangers, but he still wants to use it. So the way we (Tim and Carlin) see it, go and use the ray. If PPL’s founder uses it, then why not?

Happy Zapping!!

**Please note: About an hour after the article was published, Gruss McGruslen was turned into a Pile of Soot and was never heard of again.