So You Want a Robot Pet?

It’s just another day at the Secret Laboratory. Another zap, another hope to hit pay-dirt; a rare color change. You give your pet a pat on the head, a push forward and ZAP! Through the cloud of smoke, you can make out a form. Leaning forward eagerly, you try to see if, finally, after months of labbing, you’ve gotten a color change.

SCORE!! It’s a ROBOT! Whooping excitedly, you run around in circles, squeeze the Lab Ray Scientist until his creepy swirly eyes bug out, and start making a general fool of yourself, to the embarrassment of your other pets.

Well, you might want to hold off on your celebrating. After all, this is one of the more er, I think the delicate term would be... dramatic, color changes. Your pet isn’t all fluffy and cuddly anymore. Now he or she is a living metal pet that will depend on you for care.

My trusty sidekick, Jessie the electric Aisha (So You Want an Electric Pet?), and I, Jess, went off in pursuit of information for this article. The first place we went was to the Secret Laboratory. Well, actually, I went, and tied a pack of Ghost Marshmallows to a stick taped to Jessie’s back. Hey, it was the only way I could get her anywhere near there; she claims she was scarred for life after I took her there to be labbed herself. I think she’s just being lazy and complaining about nothing. I paid for that incident in sleepless nights from Jessie on her guitar.

Jessie: Hey!

Me: Why are you reading over my shoulder!!!

Jessie: I can’t believe you would do something like that to me! *sobs*

Me: *sigh*

Whatever. But I digress. This is about robot pets, not my love/hate relationship with my pet. But it seems to mostly be hate. I suppose if you looked deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP down through the loathing and annoyance, the love is there. I guess.

Anyway, we went to the Secret Laboratory for one reason; it is the only way to get a robot pet (as far as I know). That’s right; you can’t buy a paint brush, you can’t find any morphing potions. Only by subjecting your pet to the fickle lab ray can you hope to have your darling little fluffy-poo robot.

The Interview with the Lab Ray Scientist:

Me: So, why can you only get robot pets from the lab ray?

Jessie: Hey, what does this button do?

Scientist: Don’t touch that!

Jessie: Ooh, what does ‘Hostile Evil Takeover-’

Scientist: OUT!!! GET OUT OF HERE!

Me: But I didn’t finish...

Scientist: *grabs mini laser gun*

Jessie: Run Jess! RUN!!

Me: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Sadly, our interview was cut short. But now we know, right, Jessie?

Jessie: Know what?

Me: That we look, don’t touch.

Jessie: Oh, I thought you were talking about the Lab Ray Scientist’s plan for an evil takeover.

You: ...

Oh, I forgot to mention. I think that the button was a secret way to activate the chip inside all robot pets that have been changed through the Lab Ray! That’s right! The Scientist is a sadistical evil man turning pets into robots for the express purpose of starting his own evil army and that every robot pet in Neopia may turn on its owner in the blink of an eye! AHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Jessie: Breathe, Jess! Breathe! Here’s a paper bag.

I’m alright! Anyway, enough of conspiracy theories, here are the hard core facts you need to know about Robot pets if you are expecting to take care of them:

Personality: Personality isn’t that big of an issue. I mean, they’re robots for peanut's sake! They might still have a few shreds of their old personality, but mostly, they’re pretty robotic and talk in funny voices.

Jessie: Oh, and they have mad dance skills!

Yes, mad dance skills indeed.

Appearance: Robot pets, as I’m sure you know, have a very shiny metal exterior. Each species has a different look, but they all are metal and have pretty much the same inside wiring. Just be careful if you’re interacting with your pet and don’t touch any buttons; for all you know it could trigger an intercom link with the Lab Ray Scientist which could ultimately result in the Doom, Despair, and Destruction of Wednesday!!!

Jessie: And you say I have too much sugar?

Me: Well... no one asked you, Jessie. Fetch! *throws Chocolate Negg*

Jessie: CHOCOLATE!! *zoom*

Petpet?: Well, I wouldn’t recommend it. Petpets need tender loving care, which might be a bit hard if the pet is metal and has pretty much no personality. If you do get a petpet, I would get either another robot or one with a more aloof personality that doesn’t need so much care as long as it gets food and shelter. Example; a Meowclops.

Special Needs: Aside from the fact that your pet might go all evil in a second with a single press from The Button, you need to be careful that you don’t let your pet near water of any kind. Water causes rust, and is the bane of all robot pets. So get your squirt guns ready for The Day...

Jessie: Jess?

Me: Yeah?

Jessie: Maybe you should lay off the caffeine in the morning.

Me: *angry eyes*

If your pet does happen to get wet (shame!) a little grease should take care of any aches. For advance stages of rust, go ahead and take your pet to the mechanic; they can recommend more powerful rust removers. They really don’t need any food, but a little power-boost doesn’t hurt.

Is a Robot pet for you?

If you want to have a pet that will dance with you with their mad dance skills, live nowhere near water of any kind, and like to talk in bleeps and bloops, go ahead and subject your Fluffy to the Lab Ray. Or adopt one. Whatever floats your metaphorical boat. But, of course, there is always the chance that my “crazy” theories are right and that we’re all doomed; but we’re all doomed anyway, so you might as well get one.

And now I must finish this before the Scientist finds me and destroys this work!!

Jessie: Jess, you’re hiding under a table!

Me: No! This is my impenetrable fortress!!

Jessie: It’s a table with a sheet over it.

Me: Well, *sticks out tongue*

As always, NM with any color recommendations or bits of knowledge you might have!

Mucho thanks to poppin_the_corn for telling me about robot pets and their mysterious ways, and to fire_chix24, arya045, and latias234_234 for putting up with all my neomails and constant bugging to review my stuff. :P