Without Friends

I arrived on the Virtupets Space Station with high hopes, anticipating a change in my life. There’s no place in Neopia for a Neopet like me. Back down there, on that floating rock I watch out the Space Station’s windows. They saw me as a miserable case, and I was untreatable... “Watery Eyes” they called it at first. But then I changed, my color that is.

     You wouldn’t believe it if I told you, but I once had soft sky blue fur with hints of thin purple stripes. My friends and family would love to hold conversations with me, just to be able to talk with me, and have me in their presence, to be able to fill their eyes with a beautiful sight.

     But that was so long ago... before the accident that changed my life forever.

     I never got the full story of what happened, as I awoke in the Neopian Hospital after the event had taken place, and was only told it by doctors... or those who heard second-hand accounts.

     However, that is a story for another time. “Why dig into the past and worry about what can’t be changed when you can plan for the future and look forward to what is to come.” At least that’s what I tell myself when I try and cheer myself up. It’s a tough job living as a Grey Neopet and I know that first hand.

     The littlest thing can put me into a constant state of sadness, and I find myself crying over spilt milk... literally. I’ve tried to cure my illness, but all the Neopoints in the world cannot seem to treat what ails me.

     And that is what brings me to the final frontier. The ‘Virtupets Space Station,’ where dreams are always coming true and friends will always listen to your day. That’s all I ask for... someone to listen to my day. Someone who will be there for me at the end of the day and nod at all the right places, smile at my jokes...

     Everyone needs friends in their lives... right?

***     

Day Two

     I soon found that my new living residence would take some getting used to. It is never dark, as all the Space Station’s lights are left on twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

     Sure, you can turn off your own living space’s lights, but if you want to go and visit the food court in the middle of the night or if you ever have the munchies for say... Spudnick, you are met with endless soft light the moment you leave your room. I left my room late, feeling thirsty and not finding anything to drink in my room. As soon as my door slid open, I had to squeeze my eyes shut to block out the blinding light. Shuffling my way towards the cafeteria I met the Grundo chef on duty. With few friendly words, he happily accommodated my thirst with some green tea to drink.

     “New to the Station?” the Grundo asked after I thanked him for the tea.

     “Why do you ask?” I wondered how he knew and looked over myself for a tell.

     “The Station is small to us long timers,” the Grundo began. “Sure, it looks big at the start, but you start to realize that it is just an illusion created by the twisting hallways and bright lights... you get to learn about everyone aboard after a short period, and you, my friend, stick out like a Disco Ixi in Happy Valley.”

     “Oh... thanks for the heads up... but I don’t know if I will be staying here for very long,” I replied, sipping down my tea.

     “Ha! I keep saying the same thing, but no one around here believes me!”

     “How long have you been up here?” I looked at the Grundo as he laughed.

     “Twelve years, my friend... and it will be another twelve before this place will let me go. I want to leave, sure, but there’s something about this Space Station that hooks you. It hits everyone differently, almost as if it thinks for itself. Crazy isn’t it? You won’t notice it at first... but this place is almost alive, and when it finds what you want most in life, that thing you can’t live without... you will never want to leave either,” the Grundo said thoughtfully and went back to his work.

     I stood there in silence waiting for him to grin and let me in on the joke. It sounded like something you would tell the new guy at a job, just to see how they would react. But the Grundo did not even look at me after his story. He just went back to his work, cooking away at his stove, humming to himself.

     ***

     I went back to visit the Grundo for breakfast, eager for conversation, but there was a red Gelert in his place.

     “Where is the Grundo who works here?” I asked, looking around the room at the others who were piling in for their morning meal.

     “He only does the late shift,” the Gelert replied without a smile. “Now move along unless you’re going to order something.”

     I took my plate of assorted veggies and turned to find a place to sit. Nearly the entire cafeteria was filled now and just about every seat was occupied. Carefully making my way between the crowds, I located an empty seat where a Disco Ixi was sitting by herself, munching thoughtfully on her food. No one was sitting in the adjacent seat.

     “Excuse me, may I sit here?” I asked, slowly moving my plate down onto the table, all the while hoping she would say yes.

     She glanced up at me, and then ran the question through her mind. I could tell from her hesitation what she was going to say:

     “Sorry, but no.”

     Distraught, I hung my head and pulled the plate back to my chest. I felt myself tearing up and my stomach begin to twist... as it always did right before my “Watery Eyes” took over... why did I have to create a scene here, of all times! I had been on this Station for less than twenty-four hours and now they would already see me for what I was... a big-

     “You can sit with me!” a voice called from behind.

     I turned gradually, trying to control my emotions, and saw a female Shadow Yurble gesturing me over. At first I thought she was calling for someone else and I shot a look around. But I soon saw she was pointing to the empty seat at her table and waved for me to sit down. I nodded and made my way over, setting my plate carefully on the table.

     “That wasn’t very nice of her,” the Yurble noted without looking at me, taking a bite of her sandwich.

     “Oh, you saw that?” I asked, while feeling slightly embarrassed.

     “Yeah... sorry, but I was bored and just happened to be watching. My name is Kimmer. What’s yours?” Kimmer asked, extending her hand while holding her sandwich in the other.

     “Idris,” I answered, taking her hand and shaking it slowly. I glanced across the room to find the Ixi looking at me, but then her attention shifted to a Spotted Xweetok sitting across from her.

     “Well, Idris, what brings you to the Space Station? Feeling down?” she joked, seeing that I was, in fact, a Grey Kacheek.

     I was surprised to find myself laughing, even if it was a terrible pun.

     “Something like that... I just wanted to start anew out here. On Neopia I really wasn’t content with my life. I hope to change that up here,” I answered with a sigh.

     “And how will you do that? You can’t change who you are.”

     “I don’t think that is true. I know plenty of people who have gone out and done things as drastic as drink Morphing Potions purchased from who knows where, and they are quite content with how they turned out.”

     “But that changes only their appearance; you can not change who you are deep down inside. Neopoints can’t buy that kind of a change,” Kimmer noted, finishing her sandwich and wiping her hands together. “Well, I’ve got to head off and take care of some errands; I hope to see you around again.”

     “That would be great-” I started, but was suddenly cut off.

     “I’m sorry about earlier,” a female voice cut in, and as I twisted to see who it was, I was surprised to find the Disco Ixi, “but I was meeting a friend.”

     “Oh... well that’s okay, don’t worry about it,” I responded with a weak smile.

     “Are you okay? You looked like you were going to cry when you left.”

     “No really, I’m fine, in fact, I was just talking with my new friend Kimmer,” I gestured to the other seat, but Kimmer had already left.

     “Glad to hear that.” The Ixi nodded and glanced around as she began to leave. “I’ll talk to you later.”

     “Good bye.” I smiled and turned to finish my own plate.

     ***

Day Three

     I quickly found the Grundo chef was right when he referred to the Space Station’s illusion. The sets of twisting hallways and randomly placed doors to go with people’s living spaces created a feeling that everything was twice as big as it really was.

     I spent nearly the entire day wandering the different paths that one could take when they wanted to go from one side of the Station to another. I must have been quite a sight as I passed the same Neopets sometimes two or three times in less than a half hour, merely walking up and down their hallway.

     I was plotting my third course when the sound of laughter caused me to stop.

     “What are you doing, Idris?” Kimmer’s familiar voice asked while she leaned against a wall, munching on a sandwich.

     “Oh, hey Kimmer!” I turned. “I didn’t see you there. I’m just wandering around the Space Station, learning my way around this maze.”

     “It does seem like a maze sometimes... doesn’t it? The problem with mazes seems to be the fact you know there’s an exit, and therefore you want to keep going through them until you find its end. If you knew something did not have an end, you wouldn’t try as hard to look for something that didn’t exist, would you?” Kimmer speculated aloud.

     “I guess that is true,” I agreed, seeing her logic.

     “Then why try and change how you feel on the inside, as it will only bring you to dead ends. Sure you can search for something to change your outward appearance, but to change anything else is like searching for a door that does not exist,” the Yurble finished and took a small bite of her sandwich.

     I started to reply, but felt awkward.

     “Wow... I’ve never felt like I wanted to say something so badly in my life, yet couldn’t find the words. What you said really makes sense, but there’s a part of me doesn’t fully believe you... yet,” I stammered as I spoke.

     “I can sense that,” she nodded, “and I’m sure the moment you realize that, you will be able to find the words to describe how you truly feel.”

     I nodded and sat down next to her along the wall.

     “You sure have a way with words... what do you do for a living?” I asked, drumming on the floor with my fingers.

     “I’ve never had a job, per se, but I found early on in my life that I had a talent. Some people can act, others can play sports, and I hear there are a few people in this world who have a knack with the Neopian language and putting it into words. As for me, I found I could help people,” Kimmer listed while she finished her lunch.

     “So for no reason at all, you came out of the blue to help me?” I asked. “How could you tell I was having a problem?”

     “Most newcomers to the Station have problems, that’s why they come in the first place. If someone wants to be alone, they live on an island in the middle of the ocean. If they want to get away from a problem, they come here,” Kimmer stated matter-of-factly.

     “Makes sense, although I’ve never met someone who lives on an island in the middle of the ocean,” I thought aloud.

     “Exactly.” The shadow Yurble grinned before tossing the last bit of bread into her mouth.

     ***

Day Four

     I found the disco Ixi at the cafeteria having lunch by herself and decided to give sitting with her another try. First I needed a reason to sit there, so I made my way over to the counter to pick up my lunch.

     “Good afternoon,” I announced to the Gelert.

     “Yeah, whatever,” he replied without looking up and handed me a plate.

     I made my way over to the Ixi, but before even a word escaped my mouth she spoke.

     “Hey there, want to sit with me?” she called, a sincere smile on her face.

     “Wow, sure, thanks,” I stuttered as I took the empty seat.

     “I didn’t catch your name the other day.” She held out her hand. “My name’s Fatimah.”

     “Idris,” I answered, shaking her hand in my own.

     “How’s your day been so far?” She smiled. “How have you been keeping yourself entertained up here?”

     “Oh, I’ve been learning the layout of the Station on my free time, meeting the locals. You know how it is for newcomers.”

     “Sure... been a while since I first arrived here, though...” Her voice trailed off as if she was deep in thought over something.

     “What’s the matter?” I asked, following her gaze.

     “Hm? Nothing, I’m sorry, I was just... thinking.” She shook her head and returned her stare towards me.

     I suddenly had a feeling I knew what she was thinking about, and decided to try and get it out of her, and see if there was any fact behind the Grundo chef’s story.

     “You know, I heard the strangest rumor about this Space Station-” but stopped when I realized a problem in my decision...

     What if she was what the Grundo was referring to? A sudden sense of paranoia ran through me as I stared at her in the eyes, trying to see if she was real or not... well, that’s just dumb...

     A normal stranger wants to hear about your day and you suddenly think there’s some credence to a crazy old Grundo chef’s story? A living Space Station? An entity that isn’t alive, yet is able to think for itself, and toys with the inhabitants that live aboard it?

     “Now it’s my turn to ask what’s the matter,” Fatimah cut in, stopping my train of thought. “What rumor did you hear about?”

     I looked at her and could sense an abrupt change in tone of voice. She also seemed uneasy with the silence, as if about to fall out of her seat if I didn’t answer her soon enough.

     “It’s just that I heard this Space Station is... well, alive. I heard it creates something to fill the void of those who live in it, and well... I’ve always wanted someone to ask sincerely how my day was going... I know, it sounds dumb,” I rambled and then stopped, feeling embarrassed.

     “So you think I’m a figment of your imagination!” She began to rock back and forth in her seat, amused at the thought.

     I thought it was suddenly a funny idea as well, until I noticed that not a single person was watching us, as if noisy laughter was commonly occurring every day at lunch.

     “Well, then the rumors are not true?” I asked, hoping to stop her chuckling.

     “Oh, the rumor? Sure, it’s true.” She lowered her voice and glanced around. “It only takes a few days until it comes after you. Look around you, and see how everyone is always so happy, always smiling? This Space Station lives off people’s happiness; it needs them that way to continue to operate...”

     “So what did it create for you?” I asked, completely interested in anything she had to say.

     “Well, that, I can’t tell you,” she announced and sat back.

     “Well, why not?” I asked, not enjoying this cliffhanger.

     “Because it is too personal.”

     “Well, tell me this... can people see what the ship creates for you?” I wondered.

     “From what I can tell... yes,” she acknowledged. “But I’ve heard, sometimes if you believe too strongly in the illusion, or not enough, it becomes a part of you, and then it stays with you wherever you go. In those cases, only that person can see what the Ship creates.”

     “Whoa... that is deep. But how can people differentiate between what’s real and what’s not... I’d imagine that after a while it’d be hard to tell the difference between reality and everyone’s hopes and dreams! Sure, it’s nice to be happy once in a while, but it’s not healthy to push other feelings inside of you, just to feel good about yourself all the time!”

     “Which brings us back to your question. Am I real?” she questioned, leaning forward.

     An unexpected rush of dizziness fell over me, and my head began to swim. I stood up from the table, but lost my balance, falling on the floor, sending everything into a dark haze...

     ***

     When I came to, I couldn’t tell how long I had been out. The lights were as bright as ever and I quickly noted I was sitting in a chair.

     “Wha... what happened?” I heard the words slowly escape my mouth.

     “You had an accident,” a memorable Grundo voice answered. “Feeling any better?”

     I shook my head slowly, gesturing I was. “What happened to me? I can’t quite remember what happened...”

     “Those who saw what happen say you slipped on a food tray, which was our fault. For not cleaning up properly,” the Grundo responded, glancing around at the floor.

     “Did they see someone with me? A female Ixi?”

     The Grundo thought about it for a moment.

     “Not that I know of,” he announced and then added with a slight smile, “but why do you ask? Seeing anything odd lately?”

     “Is there really something going on up here?” I turned to the chef, my voice completely serious. “The past few days... I’ve felt myself getting better, but I no longer know if it’s been for the good...”

     “What do you mean?” the Grundo asked. “If you feel good about yourself and your life is going well, how can that not be for the better?”

     “But fake happiness is no better than no happiness at all...” I trailed off, but stopped myself, feeling a sense of paranoia again as I looked at the chef. “I need to get some sleep. I will talk to you later.”

     ***

Day Five

     I spent the entire day trying to piece together my time aboard the Station. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I did not understand. The more I did not understand, the more I just wanted to forget about it, and go sleep somewhere... everything always seems better after a long night’s sleep.

     The few things I did know, however, helped the Grundo’s case. I was a Grey Kacheek. My life is filled with miserable sadness that I keep with me from day to day, and is constantly built up due to my illness of “Watery Eyes.”

     But ever since I arrived on the Space Station... I’ve felt happier than ever. Everyone I have met. All of my new friends!... Granted I don’t know if they are real or not... but it’s made me a better person for knowing them.

     I left for lunch and bumped into a Spotted Xweetok along the way, who I quickly recognized to be the Neopet sitting with Fatimah a few days beforehand.

     “Excuse me, but how do you know Fatimah?” I asked, being quite forward, but hoping to get some answers.

     The Xweetok turned dumbly around and faced me with his empty grey eyes. At first he didn’t seem to notice me, but then shook his head, as if waking from a dream.

     “She’s my sister,” the Xweetok answered, and turned to walk down the hallway.

     If that was Fatimah’s creation, that meant she was real... and...

     “And I am not,” a female voice finished my thought.

     “If you’re not real, then what are you?” I asked, not turning around to face Kimmer.

     “I’m you, Idris. Well, not you, exactly, but a part of you! I’m the part of you that needs to be happy, since you can’t seem to be happy by yourself! Don’t you see... you, being Grey, could never be happy on your own, so you needed me to be a physical metaphor for your happiness,” Kimmer answered, walking up to my shoulder, and placing her hand on it.

     I turned slightly; looking the Shadow Yurble in her eyes, and for the first time, I noticed that they shared the Xweetok’s grey, lifeless quality.

     “But, I don’t think you need me anymore, Idris, and I must admit this is a first. You had something I never thought you did, perseverance. When that Ixi turned you away, you thought it was for a different reason, but it was simply because she needed to talk to her brother, whom, as you figured out, does not exist... at least up here. But you went back, and you tried again, and you, Idris, as surprised as I am to say it... you succeeded. Enjoy your new life, and your old look...”

     “I did... didn’t I...” I thought about it and realized the figment of my imagination was right. “So what happens now?”

     I turned to find the hallway empty, and Kimmer nowhere to be seen. Shaking off any lingering feelings from the conversation with myself, I rushed to the cafeteria to see if Fatimah was still there, enjoying her lunch.

     I spotted her almost instantly, across the room, and even with my sudden change in of character and literal transformation, she spotted me back and smiling, she waved.

The End