All Hail The Mallow Grundo

Now everyone knows the best flavor of anything is marshmallow flavored. Even better is marshmallow and chocolate flavored. Sadly there are few foods in Neopia that offer this great combination. Luckily, as Grundos, we are smart enough to take Marshmallows on a Stick and dip them in the best chocolate fountain, the Gilded Flow Chocolate Fountain. Few other pets can accomplish this task, since Grundos are one of the only species with opposable thumbs.

We've established that Grundos are the best species and mallow is the best flavor, so what happens when you put the two together? Well only the best pet ever to happen upon Neopia: the Mallow Grundo. The Mallow Grundo is stronger than the Mutant Grundo, colder than the Snow Grundo, hotter than the Fire Grundo, grosser than the Snot Grundo, and cuter than the Plushie Grundo. They also dance better than the Disco Grundo, swim better than the Maraquan Grundo, and clean better than the Sponge Grundo (which is a hard task to accomplish since the Sponge Grundo absorbs all dirt in a room within .04 seconds.)

One thing that makes Mallow Grundos so special is that, unlike most other colors, there is no mallow paint brush and no other pets come in mallow. The only way to make a Mallow Grundo is taking a chance with the Lab Ray. The lab ray can be very risky, though. Even if a Grundo is taken to it, there is no guarantee that it will only change colors. The lab ray can also change species! How horrible would it be if a mighty Grundo was changed into one of those little Kiko balls. Even worse, the lab can bring a pet back to level one after all of the extensive and expensive training at the Mystery Island Training School.

It should be known that Mallow Grundos will associate with all other Grundos except the Grey Grundos. Grey pets do not accomplish anything. They only sit around and cry, which depresses the Mallow Grundos since they are very sensitive beings. Grey pets also refuse to be cheered up and with the Mallow Grundo's determination, they spend an eternity making jokes and doing magic tricks for the Grey Grundos so that they will smile.

One thing that is slightly disturbing to the Mallow Grundos is that the Space Station sells marshmallow treats shaped like the Mallow Grundo. However, since the treats are so delicious, Mallow Grundos themselves will eat and enjoy them. These treats come in a variety of flavors such as tchea, strawberry, and, the best one, chocolate dipped. Unfortunately, one time a hungry Chia poured chocolate on a Mallow Grundo and tried to eat it. The Grundo had to be taken to the hospital for bite wounds while the Chia's funeral took place.

To fully worship the Mallow Grundo, you need two key items. First off, the Marshmallow Grundos (TCG). Unknown to normal Neopians, this card will grant you secret passage to the Mallow Grundo's hideaway in the Space Station under Grundo's Cafe. Secondly, and most importantly, you will need the Marshmallow Invasion novel. This book, while disguised as a fictional novel, tells the plans for taking over the Space Station. Once the Space Station is secure, nothing will stop us from taking Neopia.

Before you can get into the Mallow Grundo's hideaway, you must have read Marshmallow Invasion. To make sure you are fully aware of the invasion plan and that you are not a spy, there are several questions and a few tests before you're allowed entrance. First the guards at the door will ask you three questions. (I've put the answers in italics but you should still read the book so you don't get lost during the meetings.)

1) Who is the supreme ruler of the universe? Dr. Sloth.

2) As a Mallow Grundo, which Neopian species do you have to avoid? Skeith, Jetsam, and Grarrl. (They're all very hungry species.)

3) What is a group of 100 marching Mallow Grundos called? Peeps.

Now if you've passed the test, which you should have now that you've read the answers, two physical tests will be performed to ensure that you are really a Mallow Grundo and not a spy dressed as a Mallow Grundo. First you will be put in a microwave and cooked for 5 seconds. This will make you expand like a balloon; mallow is the only material that will do this. After the microwave you will slowly return to normal size. Once you regain your former shape, you will be poked with a skewer. This also does no harm to Mallows and once the skewer is removed the hole will disappear.

Here is a warning to all Mallow Grundos who are not on the right side of the war. If you are on the Neopian side, you better stay there and hope we don't get you. If a Mallow Grundo is captured from the Neopians, they will be brainwashed to obey all of Sloth's orders and are placed in the front line of battle. If a Mallow Grundo is caught spying for the enemy, they are skewered and held over a fire until they are fully melted. Then they are put between two graham crackers with a piece of chocolate and fed to the Spider Grundo.

If you've passed all the tests and have not been caught spying, you will be allowed in the hideaway. Here you will learn of the invasion plans and help gather information on Neopia. There is also free Sloth Day food because every day in the hideaway is Sloth Day. So while you are enjoying a Secret Sloth Slushie and dipping your Sloth Day Nachos in Lucky Sloth Day Dip, you can hear our number one scientist lecture about the greatness of Sloth and his invasion plans.

After one year of being a member of the Mallow Hideaway Mallows, you will have the privilege of venturing into Mallow World. This is a secret world on the other side of Neopia very near our allies in -blocked-. In this wondrous world, everything is made of marshmallows and marshmallow goo. Everything is edible, though if you eat a building, your Mallow World privileges will be discontinued. The ground is white and sticky, and when it rains, it rains mini marshmallows. Only mallow and Sloth Day food is served but this should be more than enough for any true Sloth appreciator.

Once the invasion has begun, Mallow World will be our base, so if you get to visit before the war, consider yourself lucky. If this guide hasn't helped you appreciate the wonders of the Mallow Grundo, then you are a traitor and will be severely punished when the time comes. A message to all the Neopian supporters that have read this: Beware. When we come for you, your kingdoms will fall within hours of the battle's beginning. We will not take pity on you nor will we make any compromises. On the day of your defeat, your Faerie Queen will be taken prisoner and paraded through the Mallow streets. Do not take our threats lightly because we are capable of capturing every inch of land that you call your own. We will not halt until all of Neopia is ours.

Author's Note: There's more on blinkkfreak's petpage.