Interesting Evil Illnesses

The Chatter Box

Example: Hubrid Nox

Symptoms: This is a very annoying and extremely common illness among villains. The main symptoms of this illness is a unneeded amount of talking. Villains like this usually spill their entire world dominating plan to the hero. From my studies, I have concluded that this may stem from a need to prove themselves. All villains suffer this in different ways, which is the main reason they became villains. The sad part is that the hero ninety percent of the time knows the plan already or doesn’t care. The villains is just enabling themselves by doing this.

To all villains who are reading this, telling your plan to the hero is possibly the worst thing you can do. It is more or less the equivalent of giving the hero ten minutes to come up with a plan. Even in extremely dangerous situations where the hero has no chance of escape, telling the plan can ruin everything. If you are so excited about your plan, the best thing to do is write a book after you take over the world. Remember, there has been no case ever where the villain won after telling his plan.

Now I know that most, if not all, villains have fallen into this trap, but I found Hubrid to be the best choice. Most people will know him for being the evil Chia who resides within the Haunted Woods. His enemy is Magax, a Wocky. Hubrid's plans have always been a frontal assault, not the best thought out plan. Now under most circumstances, Hubrid may actually be a tough enemy, what with all his ghost minions and all. Unfortunately, Hubrid simply must tell Magax his evil plan as loud as he can. Therefore, by the time he is done, Magax has defeated the hordes of ghosts and is in the midst of tackling Hubrid. The idea, while plain, is a good one for fighting Magax. Hubrid unfortunately can’t keep his mind on his minions and instead goes off on a tangent.

Treatment: Treatment can be a relatively simple procedure. The patient will simply stay quite for the entire fight. If they can manage to keep their head clear, they should make it through just fine. A good help I find when dealing with them is bribery or strong tape. There isn’t much else to be done to someone suffering this. It is a simple problem of attention. The villain can also practice at home. Meditation would be a great way to clear the mind as well.

Hero Tips: Some tips for heroes who have to deal with villains suffering from chatter box is to simply ignore them. Take advantage of the time they have given you and use it to plot an escape or take out the minions. Remember, heroes, the chatter box can be your best friend in a tight spot.

The Meanie

Example: Dr. Sloth

Symptoms: The meanie is a slightly more complicated illness that can be brought on by stress or can manifest in the brain at a very young age. This illness can be very dangerous because it is usually targeted at the help. It can also sometimes make the villain skip important things they normally wouldn’t miss. The meanie will usually make the patient very irritable to the people around him or her. This can cause deterioration of trust between the villain and their lackeys. This can cause anger, fear and sometimes rebellion.

The first and foremost thing all villains should have is trust in their henchmen. Without trust, things can not run smoothly. Also, the henchmen need to feel wanted and cared for, not just another follower. A great example is Dr. Sloth. It is unknown whether he was naturally mean or if he was under some stress at the time. It is known, though, that he was mistreating his pets. He would yell for no reason and refuse to listen to anyone else's opinions. In the end, as everyone knows, he was defeated.

Most also know that one the main reasons was because Gormos. The main reason Gormos did what he did, though, was because of Sloth's lack of respect. He refused to listen to his suggestions and used him for simple tasks like bringing him some tea. It is no doubt that if Sloth had not mistreated Gormos, then Sloth would probably be ruling the world by now.

Treatment: The best treatment would be some anger management books or herbal tea. Because the subject is suffering from stress or is naturally angry, you must find something to calm him down. Perhaps all they need is a good day off. If they have already suffered this, it is best to patch up the broken trust between the villain and his henchmen. A gift basket or greater paycheck might work. Also remember to make sure the patient apologizes to his team. Finally, asking the crew to keep an eye on the villain is a good idea. If they have a relapse, the henchmen could step in or inform the doctor.

Hero Tips: Some good tips for all the heroes facing this type of villain is to use their henchmen to your advantage. If any seem fed up with their leader, try to get them to join you. Or use the villain's stress to your advantage. If provoked enough, they may go into a fit of rage. This is your chance to strike.

The Jump Start

Example: Kass

Symptoms: The jump start is one illness that we can all relate to. Have you ever made a lot of money and then spent it all on some seemingly useless thing? Well, that’s more or less the same thing as someone suffering jump start. Jump start's symptoms are usually the need to get as much done as soon as possible. Victims usually do things on a whim without much thought for the future. This can be dangerous because they will usually make bad mistakes with horrible consequences. If not thought out, the villain will no doubt be taken down relatively easily.

Also, jump start victims can sometimes get ahead of themselves. This means that they bite off more than they can chew and in no time they dig themselves into a hole they can’t escape from. A good example is Kass. Kass was an Eyrie who took over Darigan Citadel and then decided that wasn’t enough. He attempted to take over Meridell as well and failed. This was probably because he was a jump start victim. Instead of being content with Darigan Citadel, he needed more. If he had waited, he might have lived as their king for many years. Or at the very least gathered an army big enough to defeat Meridell.

Treatment: The best way to treat someone suffering jump start would be to force them to take their time. You need to teach them to think over their actions. Or an extremely usefully idea I found to work well is removing the thing that causes the jump start. If you can’t help but spend your neopoints, put them in the bank. That way you need to go out of your way to get the neopoints to spend them. By the time you get to the bank, you are usually rethinking your idea. The same can work with villains. Keep them away from any power or make them work to get to it. By the time they do, they will have thought out their plan more.

Hero Tips: Some good hero tips for dealing with this type of villain would be to remember that this attack has happened on a whim. So if you are an intellectual, you can usually find many faults within the plan. Even if you’re not that smart, you should be able to find something wrong.

Bad Timing

Example: The Darkest Faerie

Symptoms: Bad timing is not so much an illness as it is a case of really bad luck. It could also be caused simply by the lack of awareness. Villains suffering this are usually smart, to an extent, and have a relatively solid plan. They unfortunately have horrid luck or underestimate their enemies too much. This can be very bad, obviously, because even the best villain can lose because of this. Unfortunately, luck can not be changed. The villain will just have to keep trying and hope for the best. The other cause of this illness can be more costly. The last thing a villain wants to do is underestimate his or her opponent. This illness can be incurable.

A perfect example of this is the Darkest Faerie. She was a member of Altador and has her own statue in the Hall of Heroes. Don’t let that fool you, though. She betrayed them and tried to take over Altador. In the end, she was defeated, though. The interesting thing was that she had worked alongside them for a long time. She should have known their strengths. This is what leads me to believe she may have been suffering from bad timing syndrome.

Treatment: The best way to treat bad timing syndrome is to help them change their attitude towards their enemies. You need to help them to see the threat in everything. Villains suffering this may have big egos and it will help to lower those. The first step would be to have them write down all their enemies. Then have them list all their strengths and weaknesses. Finally, have them come up with ways to defeat the heroes using their weaknesses against them. This should clear up any ego problems. Lastly, if it is just bad luck, never give up. Eventually something should go right.

Hero Tips: For any heroes in need of help, these tips should work. Remember that bad timing villains can be either unlucky or rash. It can be dangerous if they are the former. If they are rash, then use all your power to stop them. They will never see it coming. If they are unlucky, then you should be more careful. At any time, they may get lucky, in which case, look out.

Bad Profession

Example: Most villains ever

Symptoms: Yes, most villains suffer this disease. In fact, probably only two or three don’t suffer it. The main symptoms are an infatuation with other villains or the idea in general. Most villains go into that line of work hoping for instant success. Or they want to be like someone else. Most of the time they will quit, get hurt, or become a lackluster bad guy. These villains will either not know what they want to do as a bad guy or choose something boring or uninspired. This is bad because it will hurt the villain's self image. It can also enable the villains out there who are really trying. Some examples are, firstly, Eliv Thade. What is his goal? Does he even have any enemies? Some others are Ghost Lupe, Pant Devil, Shadow Usul, Spider Grundo, Jelly Chia, and Meuka.

Treatment: Truthfully, there is not much to treat. They are simply villains who have lost their way or didn’t mean to sink this deep into villainhood. The easiest way is to ask the villains whether they really want to pursue this career or not. If they do, then they need to find a goal. Not too easy or too difficult. Also, try to come up with new costume designs. Strong henchmen are necessary and the best thing to do is find a hero to defeat

Hero Tips: There is not much by way of tips for heroes on this one. Most villains suffering this disease are no threat. They will be mostly simple warm ups. If you do need to fight one, go easy on them. Some are not pure evil and could get badly injured. The best thing to do is not to worry about them but keep your eye on them. You don’t want them raising to evil fame.

In conclusion, this has been my study on common evil illnesses. I hope that all the villains of Neopia have learned something from this and will improve the world with their new tricks. To all heroes, I hope you will also use these tips to continue protecting the world. If you or a friend is suffering from these illnesses, remember to consult your doctor for assistance. Good luck to all villains and heroes alike.