Travels of a Would-Be Knight: Eddetha the Immortal - Part Two

     "Whoa, whoa, calm down, sir, I didn't do anything!" cried the oddly familiar human woman standing in front of him, holding her hands up. Grandpa Hansuke stared. The woman was dressed in a silky red dress with a full skirt and long sleeves with wide openings, like a Meridellian lady's dress, and her black hair was back in a sweeping updo that had seen better days. "Why is a human dressed like travel-worn Meridellian lady?"

     "Wait, you can tell I'm a human?" the woman asked, looking shocked. Hansuke suddenly realized why she looked so familiar: she looked like an adult version of Spring. She had the same messy raven hair, the same olive skin, almond-shaped dark-brown eyes; she was also tiny like Spring, barely hitting four foot seven even with boots on. Hansuke also realized that he was no longer in the Haunted Woods; he was standing in the marketplace of what seemed to be a large Meridellian--or perhaps Brightvalian--town. But when he looked around, he didn't see a banner or flag of either country--or any other humans, for that matter.

     Either he'd been hit with the spell after all, or he was having a very odd dream. In either case, this didn't make any sense to him. Who was this woman? Where were they? And just why did she think he wouldn't notice she was human? "Who are--"

     A horn suddenly sounded. The woman muttered something in a language Hansuke didn't recognize, and grabbed his arm. "I'll explain later! Right now we have to move!"

     Hansuke refused to budge an inch. "Not until you tell me--"

     The few neopets on the streets ran as fast as they could, seeming on the verge of panic, to the nearest buildings, and they slammed and bolted the doors behind them. The street was deserted before Hansuke could blink.

     This time the woman expressed her anger in English. "Rats! No way anyone'll take the risk of letting us in now! We'll have to hide and pray he doesn't find us!"

     "He? He who?" Hansuke questioned. He let out a yelp of pain as the woman grabbed his tie,, dragging him with it as she ran. "Um, only Magax the Destroyer, Neopia's greatest threat! What, have you been living under a rock the past couple decades?!"

     "Magax? Magax not villain anymore, though! He reformed years ago! Are you insane?!" cried Hansuke, bewildered, as the two crouched behind a bunch of barrels and crates in an alleyway. The woman paled, and stared at him like HE was the crazy one. "Sir, what year is it?"

     "Year 15 AN."

     The woman was white as a sheet. "So she did it to you, too."

     "Who did--"

     BOOM!

     The building across the street suddenly exploded, green light and green smoke bursting forth from it. What remained caught on fire. Hansuke started to cry out, but the woman slapped her hand over his mouth and hissed, "Shh!"

     A dark-blue Wocky in a black vest calmly walked out of the burning ruins, and looked around at the other buildings like a shopper looking for the best apples. The next thing Hansuke knew, he was watching what seemed like half the town be annihilated all around him. The Wocky floated around, shooting green energy at anything that caught his eye, be it neohome or the rocking chair Hansuke had been sitting in, which had teleported along with him. Perhaps by luck or perhaps thanks to Fate, Magax didn't destroy the crates Hansuke and the woman were hiding behind, or notice them. That seemed like a small comfort to Hansuke, though, as he watched someone he'd thought had turned from evil wreak havoc on innocents.

     Finally, Magax left. The woman shakily stood and offered Hansuke a hand. "Are you okay?"

     "I in strange place with insane woman who thinks I shouldn't be able to tell she human, and I just saw Magax return to being force of darkness! You ask if I'm okay?!" snapped the Ogrin.

     "You're confused, believe me, I get it! But if you'd just calm down and let me explain--"

     "Calm down?! I will NOT calm down! I been teleported against my will to some unknown town for no apparent reason and by someone too scared to even look me in the face when they pulled this cruel trick on me! If I were younger I'd calm down, maybe, but I am sixty-seven years old; I should NOT have to put up with this kind of rubbish! I--"

     "TIME TRAVEL!" the woman screamed suddenly.

     Hansuke stared. "What?!"

     The woman took a deep breath, then explained, "Someone hit you with a time-travel spell and sent you back to this era--back to 590 BN. The same thing happened to my husband Doug and I, only we landed in 598 BN. Magax didn't RETURN to being a force of darkness; he hasn't quit being one! But if I'm right, you and me were sent here by the same person: Gorunda."

     "Gorunda? Gorunda the Wise, that crazy Nimmo who lives in Western Swamp in Haunted Woods?" questioned Hansuke skeptically.

     "I know it sounds crazy, but if you'll just trust me for a few minutes, you'll see I'm telling the truth."

     Hansuke eyed the woman warily. Well, she looked sincere, at the very least. And she HAD just saved his life. "Fine."

     By this point, neopets had started timidly poking their heads out of their homes. Some were already headed for the burning buildings with buckets of water, to snuff the fires out.

     "I'll explain some more in a little while. Right now we need to help out here," said the woman, looking at the carnage sadly. To Hansuke she also looked frustrated, like she wished she could have prevented this but couldn't.

     "What your name?" Hansuke asked, but did not demand like he had before.

     "Machiko Smith. But call me Madge. Oh, and if you're wondering why I thought you wouldn't be able to tell I was a human, ask around. Everyone but you sees me as a blue Blumaroo."

     *********

     I'll never understand this kid, thought Scout, shaking her head as she watched Xin chat with Eliv Thade. One minute he's scared of something as harmless as a petpet, the next he's making friends with a mad specter. One minute he doesn't catch the most obvious sarcasm, the next he's learning chess at a rate most teenagers couldn't.

     Xin had already given Eliv Thade his valentine. The specter had solved the puzzle almost instantly, of course, but had appreciated the little Grundo's attempt. For the past few minutes they'd been sitting at Thade's kitchen table drinking borovan, Thade trying to teach Xin how to play chess.

     "So if I move like this, I can get your piece, but you can't get me?" Xin questioned, moving a pawn up and to the left, where it knocked over one of Eliv Thade's pawns.

     "Correct. Ubt sches sni'st tsuj tuboa tegtign het ohter ylaper's peicse; sti sola butoa tragetys. Uoy evah ot ont tsju knith noe vome ta a mtie, ubt ese het bggier pctirue. Nad stimomese scarifecis LIWL evah ot be edam."

     Scout didn't understand a word the specter had said beyond "Correct", but judging by the look on Xin's face the last sentence hadn't been a pleasant one. "Make sacrifices? You mean, let my pieces get taken?"

     "Sey, fi it bneetifs ni het nolg urn. Tis tebter ot seol eno tnihgk tnah ned up thiw lla yuor pecies gneib tkean cptaive."

     Xin frowned. "I don't think I'm gonna like chess that much. What if this were in real life? I wouldn't like letting even ONE person get hurt, even if it did save the rest of Neopia."

     "Ondoby dias uyo adh ot KILE mkanig het srfaciei. Ubt htat's het yaw it si," shrugged Eliv.

     "Okay, I'm only hearing half of the conversation here, so I'm not totally sure what's going on, but let's not disillusion the eight-year-old and traumatize him for life, okay?" piped up Scout. "Save the disillusionment for three or four more years, when he's ready to handle it."

     Before Eliv could reply, someone started pounding on the kitchen door.

     "Scout! Xin! We've got a HUGE emergency!" came Spring's voice from the other side of the door. Scout hurried over to the door and opened it to see the little human bouncing up and down on the doorstep, wringing her hands. Her hair was far messier than usual and covered in leaves, sticks, and, for some reason, cotton candy, and her arms and head were scratched up; she looked like she'd been attacked by an army of cotton candy-bearing bushes. "Spring? Where's--"

     "RoxiasandIwereheadedfortheHauntedMarketplacetogetfoodfortheEsophagor--andRoxiassaidsomethingaboutagwahandIlookedbackandallthatwasleftwashisshoe!" wailed Spring, holding out a brown right shoe that Scout recognized as Roxias'. Scout's heart sank even as she said as calmly as she could, "Start again, from that first 'Roxias.'"

     Spring took a deep breath and blurted out, "Roxias! Vanished! Into thin air!"

      Xin's eyes almost popped out of his head. "Vanished?! That means disappeared, right? You mean he vanished vanished, or... oh no, was he eaten--mmph!"

      Eliv Thade had put his hand over the little Grundo's mouth. Scout looked at the specter gratefully, then turned back to Spring. "Where and when?"

     "On the path leading away from the Esophagor, five minutes ago! We've gotta--"

     "'We' aren't doing anything," said Scout firmly as she picked Spring up and plopped her into an empty chair at the table. "You and Xin are staying with Eliv while I go rescue Danger Magnet."

     "But--" Spring protested.

     "No buts! Eliv, don't let this one out of your sight; she's a sneaky one!" added Scout, jerking her thumb at Spring. Xin said something which, thanks to Eliv's hand over his mouth, sounded like, "Whumf mmf doof geb eeben doo?!"

      "I'm not gonna get eaten, Xin. And neither did Roxias. I'm too sour, and he's too tough. Eliv, if he keeps freaking out, give him some apple juice; that always makes him feel better," added Scout, then left, slamming the door behind her.

     ***********

     Roxias had no idea what was going on. One minute he'd been walking down a path in the Haunted Woods, conversing with Spring. The next a bright flash of yellow light blinded him; when he was able to see again, he found himself sitting on a red sofa in a large living room. The place was pristine, not a speck of dust or stray sock anywhere. Around the living room were a bunch of bookshelves stuffed with volumes, some with titles in different languages; directly across from him was a stone fireplace, with a Brightvale banner hanging over the mantle.

     "My favorite land in Neopia," said a familiar voice. Roxias turned and saw Grandpa Hansuke's friend Theaded entering the room. "My second-favorite is Altador, but of course, that's just because of sentimental reasons..."

     Roxias was many things, but silver-tongued diplomat was not one of them, especially when he was annoyed. He knew this Techo had just kidnapped him, and he wasn't about to just sit around discussing geography with his abductor. Roxias shot to his feet and unsheathed his sword.

     Theaded let out a long, deep sigh, like he'd been expecting this. "Please, Roxias, there's no need for that. I'm not the enemy here."

     "Funny, where I come from, people don't just randomly kidnap each other as a token of friendship!" retorted Roxias.

     "Believe it or not, that actually was a custom here in the Woods about a century ago. But we're getting off subject. Let's talk about why you're here."

     "Scout and Grandpa Han won't be able to afford whatever ransom you want, and neither will my family," said Roxias bluntly.

     "Roxias, we are standing in my mansion right now. Do you really think I need money? This is about our mutual friend, Hansuke."

     "What about him?" asked Roxias, confused.

     "It would seem an old... acquaintance of mine has sent him back in time, to 590 BN. Very dangerous period in Neopian history. She said she could bring him back, but only if you fetch something for her."

     "Why should I believe you?" challenged Roxias. Theaded waved his hand and chanted something; an orb of light appeared in his palm, then shot towards the mirror, which it seemed to go right through. As Roxias watched, the mirror changed to show Grandpa Hansuke on his knees, wrapping a bandage around a little Speckled Kacheek's head. Around him was a village that looked like it had been hit by a tornado and a wildfire simultaneously.

     Grandpa Hansuke finished helping the Kacheek and stood up, leaning heavily on his cane. He turned to a tiny human woman that looked uncannily like Spring, who was a few feet away, also just finishing treating a wounded neopet. "That everyone?"

     "Yes. Thank goodness there were no serious casualties," sighed the woman, wiping her brow. "It'll take them a few days to rebuild, but they'll get back on their feet soon. Fyora knows you have to be tough to survive this time period."

     "So why Nimmo send me here?"

     "I don't know. When she sent me here... see, she got Doug a couple of months before me, when he was in the Haunted Woods. But my friends wouldn't let me go anywhere near the Haunted Woods after that, so she eventually had to come to Roo Island to get me. Ambushed me as I was walking home from a late night at work. I knew something was following me and left my kids, Spring and Josiah, by a tree so that if whatever was stalking me caught me they wouldn't catch the kids. I was just over the hill from them when Gorunda jumps out at me and hits me with the time-travel spell. Right before she did that, though, she told me--very cheerfully--that she was doing this for a good reason and I didn't need to worry about getting back, because she'd 'retrieve' me when 'the time is right'."

     "She said nothing to me. I didn't even see her," said Grandpa Hansuke, frowning.

     "Really? That's weird. Doug says she told him the same thing she told me."

     "This whole thing weird! Why send us back to one of most dangerous times in history? Why old Ogrin and two humans? And why can only I see you human?" added Grandpa Hansuke, eyeing the woman suspiciously.

     "Queen Fyora. Doug and I were transported at different times, but we arrived in Fyora's chambers at the same time. Once we all stopped freaking out--well, except for Fyora, I'm pretty sure the zombie apocalypse couldn't faze her--and put together that we were stuck here for a while, Fyora decided to enchant us so that to everyone besides us we'd look like neopets. She also put it so that any other time travelers could see our true appearance too, which in retrospect was a brilliant idea."

     Theaded flicked his wrist, and the mirror returned to normal. "As you should know, it's nigh impossible to generate a false scenario with that spell. Now do you believe me?"

     Roxias' stomach was clenched as tight as his fists. Yes, he knew how difficult it was to make a fake scene with a scrying spell. But if that spell had shown him what was truly happening in the present time, then not only Grandpa Hansuke and Roxias, but perhaps their companions as well, were in more trouble than they'd been in yet, because 1) Theaded and Gorunda had obviously set this up for some unknown reason, 2) Theaded had been eyeing Xin, Spring, and Scout oddly, too, so he probably meant to go after them at some point, and 3) if Roxias had heard the human woman right, Spring's mother hadn't died in a Werelupe attack. She'd been abducted and sent back in time by a mad sorceress, and there was no reason to doubt said mad sorceress wouldn't want to go after the woman's daughter next, especially given Reason Number 2. "Who are you? What do you want with me, with my friends?"

     "I'm an old, old man who wants to set some of his wrongs to right, and prevent evil from conquering Neopia. And your friends shall help with that... and perhaps you shall help too, if you pass your test."

     "Test?"

     "Find Gorunda, find out what she wants, and retrieve it for her. Do this before midnight, and you will pass."

     "And what happens to Grandpa Hansuke if I fail?"

     "Well, hopefully we won't have to find out, will we? You'd better get going. It's almost noon; just twelve hours to complete your task."

     Roxias had never been so tempted to murder someone in his life. He hated being forced to be some sort of pawn, and nobody messed with the people he cared about. Nobody.

     But at the moment, he could see no other way to save Grandpa Hansuke than to go along with this Techo's demands. "How do I find Gorunda?"

     "She's in the swamp just east of here. Just follow the path, and you'll find it. Be careful; that swamp's a treacherous place, even without all Gorunda's traps."

     Encouraging thought Roxias, shaking his head. "What about Scout and the others? You aren't going to 'test' them too?"

     "No, their parts I'm already fairly certain about. It's your role--or what WILL be your role, if you pass this test--I'm unsure of. Eleven hours and fifty-eight minutes. Oh, by the way, here's your other shoe back."

     Roxias' head was spinning as he left the Techo's house (which was, indeed, a mansion, styled much like a 2.0 Haunted Woods neohome). He couldn't make any sense of the situation. All he knew was that two crazy neopets had kidnapped Grandpa Hansuke and sent him back in time, in order to force Roxias into going through some sort of 'test'. He didn't know what the test was, what it was for, or why they'd decided to make him of all Neopians go through it. He wasn't incredibly strong or fast, he had little if any magical aptitude (he'd almost flunked that course during his training as a squire), and while he was certainly capable in a fight, he knew he wasn't anywhere near the best warrior in Neopia. He was just a simple squire, average in most everything... except, apparently, in attracting weird/dangerous things. Why pick on him? And who WAS Theaded, really? What 'wrongs' did he want Roxias and his friends to he;< right? What had he meant, 'their parts I'm already fairly certain about'?

     Roxias silently vowed that, should he get out of here alive, he would never, even for ten million neopoints, return to these wretched woods. They might have been fun for other Neopians, but for a "Danger Magnet" like himself, coming here was tempting Death himself.

     ****************

     Scout could scarcely believe that nothing had come along to ruin Spring and Roxias' trail. The Zafara followed the two sets of footprints, one tiny and one almost ridiculously big, until she reached a spot about a hundred feet away from the Esophagor's usual haunt. Just as Spring had said, Roxias' footprints suddenly came to a halt; there was no other set of footprints indicating someone sneaking up on him, and if someone had flown up to him or there had been a struggle, Spring surely would have heard it. The most logical conclusion, Scout decided, was that someone had used either Virtupets-level technology or magic to spirit the Lupe away. Given the present environment, she was leaning towards the latter.

     "But what wizard'd want to kidnap Danger Magnet? He hasn't ticked off any magic users... except Brutus," added Scout, the last word leaving a bitter taste in her mouth

     But that made no sense, either. It had been almost nine months since their run-in with Brutus. If the Zafara warlock had wanted revenge on Roxias, wouldn't he have tried something before now?

     Scout slapped herself in the forehead as realization hit: Theaded. Of course! This had to be Theaded's doing. Why he'd only kidnapped Roxias, she didn't know, but she was betting it wasn't for a tea party.

     She had to get to Sophie. If she was going to rescue Roxias from a wizard, she needed some powerful potions and spells to fight Theaded with.

     Let's just hope Danger Magnet is able to hold his own for a while more... Scout thought as she headed for the swamp witch's hut, unaware that she was being followed.

     *********

     Hansuke was shocked to learn that he and Madge weren't in Meridell or Brightvale, but Neopia Central--or, as it was known in those days, Neoville. (In a decade or two, if Hansuke remembered his history correctly, it would be dubbed Neopia City, and at some point within the next three centuries would be renamed Neopia Central). Madge had come here on an errand for Fyora.

     When they finished helping out the wounded, Madge and Hansuke headed towards what would eventually become the Plaza part of Neopia Central to locate Madge's ride, a red Uni named Donpedro. They met him halfway between the Marketplace and the Plaza since he'd been heading for the Marketplace, having heard about the Magax attack. Hansuke was amused by the way Donpedro scolded Madge for not immediately informing him that she was alright. Didn't she know he'd be worried sick, terrified that she'd been hurt or worse? The very masculine Uni sounded like an overprotective mother.

     When she finally got a word in edgewise Madge apologized, and introduced Hansuke as "an old friend." (Heh, OLD friend. I see what you did there, thought Hansuke). "He just turned up out of the blue right before Magax attacked. We got to talking, and it turns out he doesn't have anywhere to stay. So he's gonna cras--er, stay--with Doug and me till he sorts things out."

     He is? thought Hansuke, then chastised himself for being so stupid. Of COURSE he was going to stay with the only two people in Neopia who knew about his present predicament. Who knew, maybe if the three of them--and Queen Fyora, Hansuke supposed--put their heads together, they could find a way back to their own time. "You going to be able to handle my and Madge's weight both, Mr. Donpedro?"

     "I don't know. Madge weighs an awful lot by herself, she's so big," said Donpedro, smirking at the tiny woman, who smirked right back and said, "Says the one who could squish a Skeith just by sitting on him."

     "And yet you still deliberately try to annoy me. Don't worry, Mr. Hansuke, your weight won't be a problem," added Donpedro. "I can carry up to three hundred pounds. Madge is so short there's no way she could be over ninety pounds and still be skinny like she is, and I'm guessing you're not over a hundred and sixty."

     As they flew towards Faerieland, Madge muttered into Hansuke's ear, "Don't worry, I'll tell Queen Fyora who you really are. Maybe with you, we can finally figure out a way back home."

     "I hope so. I already relearn how to live once; I'm too old to do it again," replied the Ogrin.

     ********

     Theaded had not been exaggerating about Gorunda's swamp being a treacherous place; if anything, he'd been understating. Roxias hadn't taken three steps into it when he was attacked by a swarm of vampiric huggies (he vowed to never tell Scout that; if the huggies didn't kill him, her teasing would). He managed to fend them off, only to find himself knee-deep in quicksand. He pulled himself out with a nearby vine... which turned out to be connected to an enormous Geraptiku flytrap, which apparently had a craving for neopets. By the time Roxias got out of THAT situation, twenty minutes had passed and he was still on the edge of the swamp.

     Roxias mentally groaned as he crept through the swamp, sword drawn and senses on high alert for any further danger. This is going to be a long day...

To be continued...