Here's To The Hoarders

With the release of the latest daily, Aboard The Coincidence, the hoarders of Neopia are rejoicing loudly. Finally, there is a use for those Gallant Gallions Comics, and Pale Elixirs, and those poor Blandfish and Landfish languishing in your safety deposit box can find a new home. And there's no better time than now to embrace the community's hoarders, and remind them that we love them, and cherish them, and value them beyond belief.

But sometimes, a hoarder's worst critic is themselves, as they flick dejectedly through the myriad of folders available in their SDB, seeing only the totals above. They feel shame, as the quantity of items quickly outstrips the type of items on show. They cannot see past the vast numbers of useless items to the gems that may be hidden in their midst.

However, there is an often overlooked benign presence floating within every Neopian's SDB. Mesoyne is the quiet, unassuming Earth Faerie, tasked with helping keep track of every safety deposit box in the Neopian National Bank. I'm sure you can understand that this is a very demanding, time-consuming role to have, and so she had only a few minutes to spare for me. Beyond ensuring I had spelt her name correctly, all she could give me were the seven tips for a healthy SDB attitude, and bid me share them with Neopia. According to the experts, if you can work your way through these seven steps, you will be firstly, at peace with your hoarding nature, and secondly, a more effective and happier hoarder as a result.

Be accepting of your hoarding: 7 steps to embracing your hoarding nature

1. We admit we are powerless over hoarding - that our inventories had become unmanageable.

This moment may come after the third, seventh or thirty seventh time your pet tripped over your Pant Devil Attractor, or maybe you were running for the ship to Krawk Island, but were hampered by the staggering number of items in your inventory. Whatever the moment, every user comes to that point where there is no choice but to accept that there is no room left in their inventory.

2. We make a decision to turn our items over to the care of the faerie of the Safety Deposit Box.

Mesoyne has promised and pledged to help users organise all their items, by installing helpful dividers in each box, and spending hours assigning everything in Neopia to one of twenty eight folders. By doing this, it halves the time spent searching for one particular item, and makes idle afternoons reading books and feeding gourmet foods to bored pets.

3. We make a searching and fearlessly honest inventory of items.

Don't shy away from it; your inventory is heavy and cluttered, so take the time to move everything to your SDB. Once it's there you can make a final decision. But with so many things in your inventory, you've probably missed something crucial languishing under your Rotten Sandals and Boots.

4. We admit to the SDB faerie, to ourselves, and to our pets the exact nature of our wrongs.

Once we accept that there is a problem, it is up to us to ask for the help we need. Start by telling your pets, and accepting the jokes they will make at your expense. They do this because they love you, and want to help you on your road to recovery. Tell your friends next, they can help you. They can stop you buying something in every shop, you don't have to "just to be polite". Buy what you need, and that's it. With so many dailies giving out items, there is no need to fill your inventory, your daily travels will do that for you. And tell Mesoyne. The faerie of the Safety Deposit Box is used to hoarders, and will help you, you just need to ask.

5. We continue to take personal inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.

This is the continuing part. Accepting that you have a problem is the first step, and making sure you keep on top of your hoarding will ensure that you and your pets are happier. When you make a mistake, admit it and apologise if necessary. The quicker you acknowledge your mistake, the quicker you can get back on the path to healthy and effective hoarding.

6. We seek through hard work and regular visits to improve our conscious contact with Mesoyne.

Don't ignore Mesoyne. Visit her regularly, and ask for her help. She can help you find what you're looking for much quicker than searching by yourself.

7. Having had an awakening as the result of these steps, we carry this message to hoarders, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Keep up the good work. Put items you gain through dailies and the like straight into your SDB. When you have the time, you can go through each folder and make the easy keep/toss decisions.

This latest event threw Neopia into disarray. Who could have predicted the rush need for Yellow Growths? As clean, organised users ran to the Shop Wizard to beg for help, hoarders quietly made their way to the National Neopian, carefully opened their Safety Deposit Box, and pulled out the junk item they had stowed there months or even years ago. The self-satisfied glow of usefulness that surrounds them can be seen as they descend into Moltara, and as they go to their shops to sell their extras, they can feel proud of helping another Neopian in their desperate quest.

The parting words from the gentle Mesoyne are very touching.

"Don't be ashamed of being a hoarder. You never know when you will need something, so it is better to be safe than sorry. But you must hoard effectively. Firstly, keep your inventory light and you can move faster. Secondly, regularly look through your SDB. Tackle one folder a day. You don't need to throw things out, but you do need to be aware of what you own. And thirdly, don't beat yourself up. Some people can't bear to hold onto things; equally, some can't bear to discard items. Everyone is different and that's okay; that's what makes Neopia spin round."

You heard her, Neopians. Take control of, and then take pride in your hoarding. No one could have foreseen Dr. Landelbrot's wish for junk items, but everyone now can take pride in their hoarding.