How to Get the Dr. Sloth Avatar! -- Sort of.

Now, I've been a Neopian for nine years, and in all this time, Sloth has never once graced me with the beauty of his avatar. "Nine years!" you might say, "that's crazy!" And I'd agree. At this point, I realize that maybe I'm just not the Neopian that Dr. Sloth has always wanted me to be. In my determination to better myself and become a Neopian Sloth believes deserves the beauty of his face in avatar form, I've made a list of possible things I can do to catch Dr. Sloth's attention. In my quest to become a great Neopian, I hope that one day Sloth will take the time to notice me, and maybe these steps will help you in your own plight to get that sneaky Dr. Sloth avatar. Grab a Sloth Dog, maybe even a Sloth Cone, and let's get started!

Buy Lots of Dr. Sloth gear!

You'd be surprised how many Dr. Sloth items are hiding around in Neopia. You can buy Sloth cupcakes, balloons, books, even costumes! Just imagine how much Dr. Sloth might favor you if he notices you traipsing around your latest Halloween party in his patented Dr. Sloth Halloween costume. Don't worry if the Doctor himself won't be in attendance- he's likely much too busy for that- he sees all and knows all, and he'll surely have to appreciate your pride in his work! But you don't just have to wear your Sloth costume at appropriate gatherings. Dr. Sloth has shirts, hats, socks, and even backpacks ready and waiting for you to proclaim the glory of Dr. Sloth to all who might see you. You should be a literal walking billboard for Dr. Sloth. You'd be so embarrassed if you met the great Dr. Sloth in person and had forgotten to put on your Sloth Socks, wouldn't you? Just think of how dreadful that might be, and remind yourself to never forget your Sloth wardrobe.

Buy even more Dr. Sloth gear!

Alright, I get that this seems like it's the same instruction as our first one, but let's be honest: the Dr. Sloth great is never ending, and if you really want to seem like a Sloth fanatic, you're going to have to shell out more than enough for just the backpacks, costumes and socks. You can literally eat, sleep, and breathe Dr. Sloth gear! Eat out of your Dr. Sloth bento box, give your loved one a Dr. Sloth flower bouquet, and before bed, whip out your Dr. Sloth floss for a fresh clean mouth, Dr. Sloth approved. If your daily life doesn't involve at least thirty Dr. Sloth items, odds are, you're not putting in enough effort. Dr. Sloth loves his money, and he loves his minions. Surely the more NP you give to Dr. Sloth incorporated, the more likely he is to hand over that beautiful, handsome, dashing avatar. I would particularly recommend the Dr. Sloth Approved Hair Gel, because it has his blessing and everything!

DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ANTI-SLOTH ITEMS.

Being a Neopian for nine years means I've seen some dreadful things in my day. Did you know that there's an Anti Dr. Sloth Balloon? I was so horrified by this finding that I immediately exited myself from the shop in which I found it, never to return again. I can only imagine that the fact that I even SAW this balloon is why Dr. Sloth still doesn't find me worthy of his majestic, shiny, perfect avatar. I think I know where I messed up- I should have used a Dr. Sloth pen to stab the Anti-Sloth balloon, making sure that it can never harm another Neopian again. This is my curse, and I must accept it. I can only imagine that other Anti-Sloth items might be making their way through the nastiest shops in Neopia, so keep an eye out to make sure you never see one. … That can get a little complicated, but you have to do what you have to do for the glory of Dr. Sloth.

Use your I *heart* Sloth avatar AT ALL TIMES.

Dr. Sloth has three avatars that involve his name and fantastic style- much less than he should have, considering he's the most interesting villain in all of Neopia!- and two of them you can get all on your own. I would say you don't need Sloth's permission to get the avatars, but considering Dr. Sloth is in charge of absolutely everything that happens in Neopia, let's just consider it a blessing that he's agreed to let us get the other two. You don't have to get Sloth's original, dashing, stunning, life-giving avatar to receive the I *heart* Sloth avatar, you just have to be in the right place at the right time- and true Dr. Sloth fanatics know exactly what I mean. If you want Dr. Sloth to believe in your allegiance, you need to get those two avatars and show them off as much as possible! Dr. Sloth knows all and sees all, and if you use your I *heart* Sloth avatar constantly, Sloth might finally believe that you're worth something and give you the avatar you've always wanted, the one you want more than any avatar on Earth, the one you even wanted more than Bonju in 2009.

Am I good enough yet, Dr. Sloth? Have I done your bidding? Come on, I even wrote this whole article for you. You wouldn't believe all the Sloth items in my Neohome. AM I WORTHY? I CAN'T SLEEP, I CAN'T EAT, I NEED THAT AVATAR.

Author's Note: Only a week after writing this article, I finally received the glorious, impeccable, all-knowing Dr. Sloth avatar! Praise Dr. Sloth! Hooray!