Why the Snowager Should Be Your New Best Friend

     You’re thinking, “thesecondringbearer! If I were to pick a new best friend in Neopia, it wouldn’t be that grumpy old Snowager. It would be Queen Fyora: wise, benevolent, and practically all-knowing.”

     Or maybe you’d pick Tombola Guy. He’s business savvy and lives in a tropical destination, which are great qualities in a best friend.

     Or you might go for the grumpy janitor in Altador. There’s never a dull day with that guy—he always has something to complain about.

     In fact, some of you would probably befriend Jhudora before the Snowager. (And, to be fair, she does have great hair.)

     But if you ask me, the Snowager is the best possible friend a Neopian could have, and here’s why.

     1. The Snowager is super cool. Literally. But also, maybe figuratively. How would we know? It’s always stuck in the Ice Caves. It’s not like anyone ever invites it to the Golden Dubloon or to a Yes Boy Ice-Cream concert. It could be the hippest of Neopians, but the only way to find out is to branch out.

     2. You won’t have much competition in being the Snowager’s best friend. There aren’t a lot of Neopians lining up for the job, so if the Snowager digs you, you can go from acquaintance to BFF with little effort.

     3. The Snowager is amazing at interior decorating. I mean, have you seen its cave? The ambience is fantastic. It screams “Ice! Treasure! Death!” with only minimal décor. It could definitely give you some pointers for your Neohome.

     4. If your friendship deepens enough, the Snowager might let you ride it. How awesome would that be?! You’d be the envy of all Terror Mountain—possibly of all Neopia! (But as cool as it would be to ride a giant worm across the sands of the Lost Desert, I don’t recommend that. I don’t think the Snowager would thrive in the heat.)

     5. The Snowager could definitely show the Kiko Lake Yooyuball Team what’s what. If you’re tired of the enforced “donations'' program, a certain giant Snowickle could probably put a stop to it with its famous icy breath.

     6. The Snowager doesn’t talk much—so it’s probably a great listener! It could listen to you vent about your Poogle’s timidity or let you cry on its shoulder after a bad lab zap. And even if it doesn’t, at least you won’t have to listen to endless boring stories.

     7. The Snowager sleeps a lot, which means that your hangouts will probably include numerous naps. Who doesn’t like naps? Just remember that your new friend is something of a light sleeper, so be courteous and quiet.

     8. The Snowager doesn’t have known relatives, close or extended. It won’t ask you to be its plus one at any awkward family gatherings or to help it eat its Aunt Martha’s fruitcake.

     9. The Snowager doesn’t have a job (apart from guarding its hoard), so it also won’t invite you to any office parties. Yay for not having to learn the names of a bunch of people you’ll never see again!

     10. The Snowager doesn’t wear clothes, so you don’t need an elaborate customisation to fit in. Just come as you are.

     11. If you ask nicely, the Snowager might help you explore the treacherous but thrilling Ice Caves around its home. Move over, Hannah and Armin!

     12. The Snowager won’t ask you riddles or send you on quests (unlike numerous other Neopians I could name). In short, it won’t treat you like a dancing Mynci that exists for its entertainment.

     13. The Snowager is one of Neopia’s top Negg collectors. It might give you tips on growing your collection. Why, it might even share some of its stash!

     14. The Snowager doesn’t lay eggs, so when you’re hanging out, you won’t be bothered by thousands of Neopians looking for some free omelette. (Experience says you might run into that problem if you pick a best friend in Tyrannia.)

     15. The Snowager is one of the most fearsome Battledome opponents, and it might be willing to help you practise your moves. Just ask your new friend nicely. And keep a supply of healing potions nearby when sparring! That icy blast is no joke.

     16. The Snowager lives right by the Advent Calendar. Imagine waking up on the Day of Giving and taking a little walk to visit Reina instead of making an icy trek halfway across Neopia. Sounds like a dream, doesn’t it?

     17. The Snowager is rich. It sleeps on a pile of Neopoints and rare items. You shouldn’t befriend it just for that reason, of course. But there are benefits to a bestie that can lend you a Platinum Negg, gift you a cute plushie, or spot you at the Super Happy Icy Snow Fun Shop… Who knows--it might even buy you a scratch card!

     18. The Snowager is famous. There are guilds dedicated to it! And it has its own merchandise. There’s even a cake modelled after it! Again, you don’t want to be its friend just to be famous by association, but it would definitely be a perk.

     19. If you’re a villain fan but don’t want to get tangled up with any hardcore baddies (who would?), the Snowager is like a villain lite. It’s mean and kind of nasty, but it’s never (no, never) tried to conquer Neopia. That’s the perfect middle ground of evil-by-association to bask in.

     20. Befriending the Snowager would be super rewarding. Yes, Neopia’s most famous icy worm seems stone cold. Heartless, even. But beneath that icy exterior, surely there’s a softie that’s just waiting for a friend to love!

     So give it a whirl! What do you have to lose? (Besides a ton of HP.) Go ahead and invite the Snowager out for some omelette or to watch the Altador Cup with you, and see what kind of reception you get. You just might make a new bestie!

     And if you don’t … there’s always the Turmaculus, right?