The Guide to Snacking in Neopia and Beyond

Possibly because I tend to hoard food in my Safety Deposit box (Green Apple from July 2001? Sure!) or because of the wacky time zones that make up NST, we will never know. But after four years of feeding my pets in the middle of the night, I feel it is my duty to share the dos and don’ts of midnight snacking.

Kelp – Maraqua

I first read about this new restaurant in a review in the Neopian Times. And whilst the review was rather negative, my neopets promptly cut out the advertisement and begged and pleaded with me to go there – the novelty of dining under water was just too much for them. Against my better judgement, I pocketed some neopoints and we went off in search of nourishment.

We arrived at Kelp at 4 a.m, and we were delighted to not only be seated (it does pay to be a part-time scratchcard dealer!) right away, but to be handed menus the second we sat down. The waitress was very sweet, folding our napkins and filling up our glasses with water, but I had a sneaking suspicion about this place. Maybe it was the fact there were no prices listed, or because of the ‘high society’ that surrounded us.

I don’t want you to think the wrong thing – I live a simple life with my Neopets, renovating our home, stocking our shop and indulging in the odd plushie or petpet; I feel my np is better off going towards a new plant for our garden or adding on an extra bedroom – or finally installing a toilet.

So I warned my pets to choose carefully – they are all very small pets with petpets, but I was certain if we chose four different items off the menu, we could share. I also had to consider my finicky and allergic pets – whilst my Uni cannot cope with vegetables, my Kacheek is quite allergic to cheese. Pate a la Kelp seemed to be the best option, if I didn’t mention the word “vegetation” out loud. Our other selections included the Ocean Platter, Kelp’s Signature Ice Creame and Lemwart Fizz. By now, we were all quite excited about the food – quite a difference to the monotony of omelette and glowing jelly.

The waitress offered to calculate the bill before we were served our meals – I agreed on the off chance I had to run to the bank; I had only 700np in my pocket and thought I should indulge my pets just once…

Until the waitress handed me a bill for 66,800np. I almost choked on my own tongue when I saw the bill and stood up immediately – I was not the slightest bit interested in a meal that cost the same as my Neohome. My pets shuffled out, clearly disappointed.

The snotty looking host made his way over to us, most likely used to out of towners walking out because the food was far too expensive. I merely pointed out that for the price he was charging, I could go to Faerieland and dine gourmet.

Which is why I have been banned from Kelp for the unforeseeable future.

Cost: approximately 70 000np for a four course meal.

The Lost Desert

The evening we made our way to the Lost Desert, many of the merchants were packing up, which was very disappointing and quite strange. We split a tchea fruit between us and visited Coltzan’s Shrine but decided to return after the drama ended.

Cost: 25np for a quick snack.

Faerie Food Inc - Faerieland

Possibly the best takeaway food in the world, this is a favourite stop for my Neopets, especially at midnight; the Light Faeries tend to come out and it’s a very pretty sight. We like to picnic in front of the Healing Springs. If we don’t get too close, the faerie doesn’t even mind. Much.

I highly recommend the Crazy Crispy Tacos, Fruity Faerie Dipping Fingers and (if it’s a special occasion), the Chocolate Faerie Log. Fun, delicious and mid-range family dining.

Cost: approximately 4000np – depends how well you haggle.

Grundo’s – The Space Station

Can I say eww? I most certainly can. And that world sums up Grundo’s in one word – mass produced goo for the masses. Back in the day, my pets insisted we try it and I admit, I was intrigued; and the Cherries Jubalee are a common sight on our table at Christmas. The Cheese Manicotti was rejected by all four of my pets, and I believe the leftover Squashed Salisbury Steak is growing a new sort of fungus in our fridge. Are your pets used to fresh food? Avoid Grundo’s at all costs.

Cost: approx. 1300np. Plus doctor’s appointment for next day.

Food of Meridell– Meridell

I must admit, I really wish I could remember to come here during daylight hours, when it is a lot more pleasant. Since a run in with Illusen (get your own darn pie, lady), I have avoided the place like the plague. But I am indulgent when it comes to my pets, so I wore a disguise. I was the biggest Chia anyone had ever seen!

We tend to Pick-Our-Own berries, which is very entertaining and delicious. If the Potato Counter Owner is feeling generous that late at night, he’ll sometimes roast us up some potatoes and we’ll eat them along the river as the sun comes up.

If my pets aren’t too hungry, we play Cheese Roller a few times to win some cheese to put on the potatoes, or just nibble at on the way home.

The Brightvale Fruits shop is notorious for closing at eight at night and not catering for the Midnight Snacking crowd and I frown upon that.

Cost: around 1000 np for the berries and the Cheese Roller games.

Food of Tyrannia – Tyrannia

Omelette and jelly are the two most economical foods of Neopia, but I won’t dwell on that. The food of Tyrannia seems to be a bit blood thirsty and meat-like for me. I can highly recommend the Tangy Tyrannian Cheese and Crackers for the ideal snack; I often send my Neopets to training with Cheese and Crackers as a snack. Ransaurus Steak, Bargasaurus Steak and Archaesaurus Tail all tend not to be deboned... and there was the incident where the tail was still kicking. But my Aisha survived and is a sworn vegetarian. Only for the meat lovers.

Cost: approximately 1200np for four dishes plus free omelette

Food Club – Krawk Island

This is quite top secret, but the night we ventured to Krawk Island, I forgot our dubloons, and we were turned away from the Golden Dubloon into a horrible storm. Luckily, the members of the Food Club had drunk quite a bit of ale and were happy to let us in to dry off and to sample some of the dishes before the competition the next day. The food we were offered was a Cheese and Tomato Sub, a Cinnamon Swirl, some Negg Stew and a Grapity Slush. All delicious, and the patrons there really are friendly – as soon as I agreed to putting a bet on.

Cost: 160np for bets.

Food of The Island – Mystery Island

My pets have trained on Mystery Island for a rather long time, and we tend to nap at the Training School until we leave at dawn. We often stop for snacks at Island Food. Cocoa Juppies are the Negg of the future, whilst shrimptail with Kelp sauce made us quite thirsty and sick. Funnydew Melon will cure every thing from Neopox to Bloaty Belly, and is something I often bring home with me.

Cost: 1000np.

Food of The Mountain – Terror Mountain

Having to make the trip to pick up our scratchcard stocks every night, often we bunk with Mika and Carassa in exchange for some Hot Soup bought especially from Neopia. Before we head off to Mika and Carassa’s home, though, we usually pick up some food. Slushies are always a favourite, the highlights being Mystery Berry Slushie, Sour Blue Slushie and Strawberry Blend Slushie, especially combined with a bag full of Sherbet Lemon Chia Pops.

My only complaint is that after visiting Terror Mountain and staying in Mika and Carassa’s igloo, and eating all this snowy, cold food, my pets and I always end up with colds, which results in a large Hot Soup consumption, and a week in bed. If you’re heading off to Terror Mountain, rug up, take lots of hot food with you, and maybe by Chia Pops and Slushies from your Roo Island vendor.

Cost: 1500np. Slushies aren’t cheap.

Café Kreludor – The Moon of Kreludor

I find the Moon of Kreludor unpleasant because on the particular evening we visited, breathable oxygen was -28% and I was turning blue. We finally arrived at Café Kreludor, after hearing it was like Grundo’s, but edible and classy. We were ready for a feast of Moon Cheese Sandwiches and Jelly Pie. But we were going to be disappointed. All the Café had that night was Kreludan Rocket Cookies; the cook had gone home, and a pathetic looking Neopet looked guilty when my Uni started to cry – possibly because she was hungry or because she couldn’t actually breathe, we will never know.

Cost: the cookies are 1000np each.

Neopia Central – Neopia

Since I started writing this article, my pets have had the flu, the Neopox, severe depression around mealtimes and several rather serious bouts of food poisoning. I myself have had my Chia disguise confiscated due to scaring the locals, and I have turned an unfortunate shade of green – possibly because Illusen heard I had been in Meridell, possibly because I attempted to eat the fungus-covered Squashed Salisbury Steak that remained in our fridge, we shall never know.

So, when we woke up at three this morning, hungry and nervous about today’s plans, we were all rather relieved today was Neopia Central and set off. And I must say, we ate more food that usual – the things enjoyed by all were Spicy Chicken Burrito, Mushrolivepepper Pizza, Pepperoni and Mushroom Pizza, Large Super Lemon Grape Smoothie, Veggie Hot Dog and Strawberry Aisha Cookies, which we ate under the Money Tree.

Maybe it was the fact that we spent twice our budget on our meal, or we all walked away without food poisoning or the chills, but it was the most gratifying midnight snack we’d had. And now, since most of the vendors are used to us tramping about before four in the morning, they leave the leftovers for us.

Cost: 2 500np.

End Note

The most valuable lesson about food in Neopia, is that next time a certain Uni refuses to eat her vegetables, or my pets turn their nose up at a second helping of Glowing Jelly, all I have to do is remind them of Grundo’s… and there isn’t a crumb left on anyone’s plate. And that, my friends, is priceless.

And the Neopian doctors are still trying to turn me back the right colour, and due to the fact I am now green with purple spots, I have been given back my Chia costume. If you see a six foot Chia, it is not the food you ate at Kelp; it is just your friendly neighbourhood scratchcard dealer.