Fifty Ridiculous, Outrageous, and Just Plain Stupid Ways to Spend Your Neopoints (And Some Decent Ones)

Now I’m sure ninety-nine percent of us reading this, including myself, call the events described in the paragraph above a work of fiction. But what if you do have extra cash saved up, and you have no clue what to do with it? How about donate it to a guild or something? Or… waste it!

Here are fifty, ridiculous, outrageous and just plain stupid ways (and some decent ones) on how to stupidly spend your hard earned cash!

50. Donate it to Maraqua to help turn the ruins of its old city into a museum.

49. Give it to the Tombola guy so the next time I go there he won’t be asking for cash!

48. Try and bribe the Rainbow Fountain Faerie.

47. Buy grammar and spelling textbooks for all the Tyrannian villagers! (They need them, trust me!)

46. Buy soap for the pirates on Krawk Island. (They REALLY need it!)

45. Blow half of it on Black Pawkeet Slots and use the other half to pay to pay a psychologist to help get rid of your gambling addiction.

44. Buy grass seed and lots of lamps for the Darigan Citadel. It’s too dark and not green up there!

43. Buy cheese. Cheese is good…

42. Buy as many Pan Galactic Gargle Slushies as you can. Just don’t drink too many at once! Ow!

41. Pay the Neopets Staff to name a Neopian holiday after you!

40. Bribe Skarl and Darigan into another war.

39. Fund an expedition to find out what happened to Kass. *sniff*

38. Invest in pie. Pie is good…

37. Buy picture frames for very old and valuable Neopian Times issues that you’ve collected.

36. See if you can buy the Neopian Times.

35. Give your Neopoints to the defenders of Neopia to help them abolish crime.

34. Or donate it to whoever’s the new big villain that started a plot that hopefully doesn’t have characters that say cheesy things. After all, Neopia would be rather boring without a war every few months.

33. In fact, why not just give it to Sloth so there will be a slim chance of a Sloth war.

32. Buy as much chocolate as you can.

31. Buy paper and pens to write pointless Neopian Times Articles.

30. Buy Eggplants.

29. Buy Razul some beauty products. He needs them.

28. Invest it all in stocks that are never going to give you a profit.

27. Buy 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 cans of prune juice.

26. Prune juice…ick!

25. Buy the fanciest paper you can find to write your one-million word Neopian Times story on. Then buy a fancy quill and rainbow ink! It’ll look so pretty…

24. Buy lots of food to you won’t have to leave your house while you’re writing your one-million word story.

23. Buy all the garden gnomes in Neopia and burn them! BURN THEM I SAY!! They’re evil!!!!!

22. Give it all to the Hidden Tower!

21. They don’t need it, but who cares!

20. Buy enough paint to paint the sky pink!

19. If you’re feeling evil today, bribe some fire faeries into melting the ice caves for you. The trouble is finding a bunch of evil fire faeries. Burn, ice, burn!

18. On second thought, bribe a bunch of dark faeries to block out the sun. Freeze, Neopia, freeze!

17. Please don’t hurt me for the above statements! Blame the Meepits! The Meepits told me to! They said they’d paint me pink if I didn’t put the above statements in here!

16. Buy an escape pod to escape from Meepits if you upset them.

15. Or better yet, buy me an escape pod. I think I might need one in the near future.

14. Fix up Cockroach Towers. Hey, people on a budget need adequate living conditions! We’re not just cheap and frugal, we’re...really cheap and frugal! And…yeah.

13. Buy everyone in Neopia calendars that say it’s Friday the Thirteenth! Then put ladders in front of their doors so they have to walk under them. Mwhahahahaha!

12. Or if you don’t want to carry the calendars around from house to house, just buy the ladders.

11. And buy something to carry the ladders around in so you don’t crumble under the weight.

10. Or you’ll be spending all your Neopoints on medical bills!

9. Buy carpeting for the Space Station. It needs a comfort and décor boost. Seriously, steel is so Year 3. And why not go for a couple of paintings and houseplants while you’re at it.

8. Make a house completely out of chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate. Mmmm…chocolate. Especially white chocolate. Mmmm…white chocolate.

7. Spend it all at Kelp. Although this reason is quite stupid. Unless you are a rich Maraquan, why would you even want to eat anything made out of kelp? Kelp ice cream, kelp soup, kelp salad, kelp cocktails, and I’m sure there’s kelp in all those vegetarian dishes. I don’t know about you, but kelp equals yuck! I think the only upside to it is that kelp is healthy.

6. Experiment time! Get 699 Neopoints (that was a completely random number that I happened to have out of my bank account at the time.) Play the wheel of Knowledge. I now have 199 Neopoints and a copy of Advanced Poetry. Play the Wheel of Excitement. I now have 249 Neopoints. Play the Wheel of Mediocrity, or as my brother calls it “The Wheel of Merchandise.” Ok, yeah I know he’s weird and can’t seem to read big words right. Now back to the experiment. Play the Wheel of Mediocrity. I now am back to 199 Neopoints and Pudding_is_cute_12_3 is being bitten by a Pterodactyl. Now go play the Wheel of Misfortune. Eeep! I don’t like this one. And…and…oh no not the Pant Devil! Oh, wait, phew, it missed that. I got seventy Neopoints. I, however, lost 30 Neopoints and now have 169. And now, if you can afford it and feel like wasting two hours, go play the Wheel of Monotony. I just lost 530 Neopoints, won a book of poetry, and got my Kougra bitten by prehistoric flying lizards. What next?

5. Help fund the Meepit Neopia Domination organization. Meep! Noooo! Must… not… fall… for… Meepit… tricks!

4. Find a way to stop the Meepits!

3. School Supplies. They have no purpose!

2. Buy cosmetics for your Mutant pet!

1. Go holiday shopping for next years holidays! A Year 7 gnome will be awesome in Year 8!

Well, there you go; fifty crazy ways to spend/waste your Neopoints. Now, I’m going to go get revenge on that Pterodactyl!

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome!