 The 600 Million Neopoint Question
by pugnaciousilliterate
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I’m sure a number of you, on your daily escapades around Neopia, take part in
the rude but oh-so-addicting game of Test Your Strength. Those who do, I’m sure,
have noticed the alarming number of neopoints that is queuing in that bow-tie-wearing
Mynci’s jackpot. Every time I go up to play the game, my mind is always bombarded
with incredible images of what I’m going to do when I’m going to win that jackpot.
And that’s just it, it’s not a matter of “if” I’ll win, it’s a matter of “when”
I’ll win. The fate that tempts me to write articles is drooling over the fact
that the jackpot has reached nearly 600 million neopoints – quite a staggering
amount!
Taking this self-centered egotistical notion that I’ve arrived, I’d like to
compose an interesting article that dwells in the fancy of you winning the gigantic
jackpot. So here it is folks, another Inconspicuous guide – The 600 million-neopoints
question.
Doing Nothing
Ah yes, the number one thing you can do to annoy everyone in Neopia is to do
absolutely nothing with your gigantic sum of neopoints that you have luckily
stumbled across. Your name, which will be proudly displayed on the High Score
Charts, will confuse – and anger – everyone who will go to look at your lookup
to drool over your marvelous pets, gallery, trade, neohome, trophies, guilds
etc. However, if you want to play Pant Devil’s advocate, that exact opposite,
and most logical, thing for you to do is just to lock it up nice and tight in
the bank, and go about your daily business. Forget about it. After three months,
you’ll forget you even won!
Invest it all in ONE stock
Ah yes, the stock market. The wonderful little place where Neopians can lose
neopoints faster than they can say: “sell.” So, I urge the lucky winner of this
jackpot to go out and buy a stock - 600 million neopoints worth. Think of the
potential! Not only could you double your earnings (while watching your stock
rise slowly through out the months), but you could also watch it plummet to
its demise! POOF! No more neopoints, no more worry! Warning: I would advise
contacting a physician before taking any risks in the stock market. I’m not
liable – you can contact me through my Lawyerbot. * shifty eyes *
Ride the merry-go-round
Nothing makes a pet happier than a jaunt on the merry-go-round on Roo Island.
The breeze running through our fur, the happy laughter of children, and the
squeaky sounds of an unoiled death trap does wonders for our self-esteem. If
you come across gobs and gobs of neopoints, why not treat your neopets? Take
them out for a day (or a week, or a month, or a year) and spend it on the merry-go-round!
Rounding up, because I’m absolutely horrible at Math, if you win 600 million
neopoints, and a trip around the merry-go-round costs fifty neopoints per spin,
that’s 12,000 rides! Just think of how HAPPY your pets would be! (Note to self
– change neohome address and start living under an assumed name after this article
is published.)
Tempt the Tax-Beast/Pant Devil/Ghosts/Anything else evil looking to steal
your “hard earned” points
You evil, evil person you. Why would you even consider this option? Leaving
all of that currency floating around tempting every evil being of Neopia. Why
you yourself deserve center spotlight in the gallery of evil! I guess if you
go through with this harrowing endeavor, you earn the right to cackle evilly
whenever a ghost decides to steal a measly 100 neopoints.
Pull the Lever of DOOM
If you play Test Your Strength, chances are that you are compelled by bright,
shiny objects. If you haven’t been introduced to the Lever of DOOM, I suggest
that you go and visit as soon as you collect your neopoints. Not only does it
satisfy your curiosity, but you also can do it again, and again, and again,
and again in hopes that the lever of doom will A) give you an avatar or B) stop
punching your poor pet in the stomach!
Lab Ray/Petpet Lab Ray
One word: Zzzzaaaap!
Identity Crisis
Are you, or your pet(s), confused about who/what they are? Not sure what color
looks best on you? Well, now you have the neopoints to spend! Go out, buy every
color paintbrush, and have a painting frenzy! I’m positive that you will find
the perfect color! Huzzah! No more faux-pas about wearing white after Lenny
Day – with this much currency, who cares?!
Scratchcard Frenzy
You + Addiction = Lots of money spent.
600 NP + Addiction/600 million neopoints = Disaster.
Buy the other side of Neopia
The only reason why the general public has yet to see the other side of Neopia
is because TNT has horrible real estate agents. They fail to realize that the
Real Estate bubble cannot last forever, and keep holding out on selling, thinking
that they can get a better offer. If you are the winner of the jackpot, please
put TNT out of their misery and make an offer. They deserve it. And just think
what you can do with all that land. Marshmallow World, anyone?
Collect Meaningless/Worthless stuff
Fellow sand collectors, hide no more! If you win this jackpot you can partake
in the ultimate collecting. Just think about all of that sand. You can create
your own beach, island, or utopian paradise! And to gain all of that money back
after you spent it, you can talk to TNT’s real estate agents. They’ll buy anything.
Buy stuff for me!
And last, but certainly not least, if you are having trouble deciding what
to spend your hard earned neopoints on, do not fret, little one. Just bundle
it up in nice little packages (like a Royal Paintbrush, codestones, or books)
and zip them over to me, Inconspicuous.
Uh… maybe not, my owner seems to be reading over my shoulder, and judging by
the whack to the head, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. *whispers * Shh,
if you use the trading post, she will never know. *shifty eyes *
So, erm, anyway…
Playing Test Your Strength every six hours is tough on the heart. Every time
I pick up that mallet I dream of what I can accomplish will all of that dough.
I think of things that would interest me, my fetishes, and what my siblings
might enjoy. And this article makes me wonder if now is the good time to go
ahead and get into the real estate business, I really do think I can turn a
profit.
Anyway, Neopia, this is Inconspicuous signing off on another interesting article.
You keep on reading, and I’ll keep on writing.
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