Castle Planners Journal: The Cheese Incident

      But Gaius could see many more things than just pristine red tiles. He could see the Turmaculus napping, various vendors hawking their wares, a poor sap tumbling down the cheese rolling hill, and most interesting of all, he could see Sir Borodere doing rounds along the castle walls, inspecting the guards on duty. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but it was comforting to know that the castle was so thoroughly protected.

      He scribbled down descriptions of the locations of a few tiles that looked like potential problems and started heading down the long staircase. Somedays, he wished he could just chisel away the stairs of the spiral staircase in order to make a slide so he wouldn't have to scramble down so many stairs. Gaius begrudgingly made his way down all of the stairs to the hall on the 4th floor. Lazlo, the Chamberlain and Gaius’s boss, had his chambers not too far from where Gaius was now, so he decided to pay him a visit. He gently tapped on the metal of the door hinge with his claws.

      Lazlo quickly appeared. “What is it?” He opened the door and spotted Gaius. “Oh! It’s just you. Whew, what do you need.”

      “Nothing in particular. Just finished surveying the tiles, and it's looking better than usual. Anything else pressing while I’m up here?” Gaius asked.

      “No... This week King Skarl is out visiting his brother in Brightvale, so everyone’s workload is a little lighter. Enjoy the time off… I know I will.” Lazlo said, smirking before closing the door. Before he could, Gaius could spot an unfinished jigsaw puzzle and a big bottle of Dandelion Burdock soda. Gaius could tell he was treating himself.

      Now that Gaius was mostly done for the day, he figured he could treat himself too. As he returned to his desk in the library’s niche, he was reminded of how sore his back was from being hunched over his blueprints all week. The new Uni stables were taking forever to finish. He figured he would take it easy this time. Should he go exploring to look for more secrets in the castle, or maybe head outside for a bit?

      “Oh, hey Gaius!” Lisha noticed Gaius enter and could see he was lost in thought. “What are you up to?”

      “Good afternoon, Lisha!” Gaius turned to notice the young Aisha putting the last book in her arms back on the shelf. “I was just trying to figure out what I would do with the rest of my day...”

      “Oh, want to come with me? I’m about to pester my brother. I just wrapped up my duties here!” Lisha invited Gaius.

      Gaius perked up at the idea of getting to meet with Sir Jeran Borodere up close. Gaius always felt nervous about approaching Jeran, because the Champion seemed so important. This was a perfect excuse! “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!”

      They both headed out of the castle together to the inner gardens. Now that the flooding issues from a few weeks back were taken care of, the gardens were thriving, and many people, nobles and commoners alike, were enjoying the space on a beautiful day. Gaius and Lisha looked around for the blue Lupe. Eventually, they spotted him climbing down a ladder from up on the castle walls. He had just finished up doing his inspection.

      “Brother!” Lisha rushed in for a hug.

      Jeran was unable to move while being grasped so tightly, so he gave her a pat on the back in return. “Someone’s excited. You finish up in the library?”

      “Yes, we came out to bother you. Are you finished work yet?” Lisha asked.

      “We?” Jeran looked at Gaius, as he gave an awkward wave. “Oh! You must be Gaius.” Jeran reached out to shake his hand. “I heard about your adventure with Lisha in the catacombs. That mud was a mess. Thanks for taking care of that.”

      “Oh yes, no problem! I was just happy to help.” Gaius tried downplaying his importance.

      “But the catacombs were very cool! So much to research down there, can’t forget about that!” Lisha was still excited by getting to be part of that historical find.

      “I’ve always wondered what kind of secrets the castle held. I swear I found a secret room once when I first came to Meridell Castle As a youngin’, but I lost track of where it was... It’d be really helpful if I could find it again.” Jeran lamented.

      “Oh, I love studying the secrets of the castle. Maybe I can help you find it when you get some free time!” Gaius was excited by the idea of a hint towards another hidden passage.

      “Sounds g-” Jeran’s voice was drowned out by the sound of a guard shouting.

      “INCOMING!” the Draik shouted, and then dove out of the way.

      All three of them could feel a sudden quake in the ground. Jeran rushed to try and cover Lisha and Gaius with his own body. Then a loud BANG as rocks and stones from the wall started blasting out from the wall. As quickly as it started, the commotion was over, save for a chalky dust cloud, and the sound of small pebbles finally hitting the ground at different times.

      When they all stood back up, and checked to make sure everything was fine, they saw a large hole in the side of the castle walls. Jeran immediately scrambled to climb back up the ladder to the top of the castle walls to check on the guards. Gaius immediately sprung to action to check on the hole, and search the rubble for anyone trapped. Thankfully both confirmed that everyone was safe, but what had happened?

      Gaius looked at the large hole, something about it was quite strange. It was almost twice the size of him, and it was just barely off the ground. Thankfully it didn't cause the wall to completely collapse, but the hole was easily passable by anyone. Their defence had been breached!

      Gaius could be heard barking orders to various guards and knights in order to prepare for a potential threat. Gaius knew that standing where he was probably wasn't the safest bet if they were being invaded, but something about the hole felt off to him. He started digging through the debris for clues while the knights mustered around the breech.

      “What happened?”, “Are we under attack?”, “what could have made a hole that big?”, “Is anyone hurt?” Various knights were murmuring over each other trying to assess the situation.

      “Come over here Gaius!” Jeran called for him.

      “Give me a sec, I’m looking for-” Gaius strained as he lifted a bunch of rubble out of the way. Planks of wood and cemented stones shifted around him until he spotted something that stuck out, a pattern of bricks. “Looking for what caused this...” Gaius bent down to try and pick the strange object up, but was interrupted by yet another voice.

      “Is the earthquake over?” a royal pet asked from hiding behind a bush in the gardens.

      “Yes, it seems to be.” One of the knights looked out the hole and could not see any attackers.

      Now that the situation was known to be safe, Gaius was allowed to return to doing what he did best: Fixin the castle. He quickly requited a few knights who volunteered to help clear the debris.

      “Pile unbroken stones on the left, knock any cement off as best you can in a pile over there, and then any wood and other material go to the right.” he instructed, as the whole area was crawling with activity. Among the knights helping out, Jeran, Tormund, and Rohane all chipped in. Gaius almost felt bad about putting them to manual labour but knew that the big hole in the wall was more important. He was in the flow of the moment, but something bothered him about the hole in the wall.

      “Where should I put these planks?” Tormund asked Gaius. Gaius looked at the planks that the yellow Lupe was carrying and could understand why Tormund didn't know where to put them. They were severely beaten up, damaged from rot rather than impact, and were far older looking than usual. This was the key to sparking Gaius’s realization. The planks of wood didn't make any sense!

      “Why are there even planks?” Gaius thought out loud.

      “Um… I don't know. I just have them. Where should I put them?” Tormund shrugged.

      “Oh, um... Over there.” Gaius pointed to a cleared-out spot in the garden.

      Gais looked at the sides of the hole, where many other old planks were leaning. Curious, he pulled them down. With the planks gone, he could see a strange message written in charcoal on the solid stone wall, clear as day. “If you are reading this, it has begun once more. Brace for the invaders: It’s the breech’s encore. -Dozzer” Gaius read the poetic message out loud to the knights around him. “What do you think it means?”

     The moment of contemplation for the cryptic message didn't last long before Tormund piped up. “It sounds like a prophecy! If the walls are breached here, then an attack is imminent! It says so right there!” Tor announced.

      “But by who?” asked Rohane, clutching at his armour nervously.

      “It’s gotta be someone who’s invaded before. Surely the Darkest Faerie is not back again is she?” Tormund worried aloud. “Or perhaps it’s a roving band of Lost Desert Raiders? I remember from history class, they tried invading many, many years ago!”

      Jeran thought for a moment. “You are not wrong. There’ve been many different invading forces. I think the only group that hasn’t tried to invade yet is Brightvale, and that's because of our closeness.” Jeran turned to the other knights. “Be on high alert while we figure this out. I think we need to look into our other sources to figure this one out. Until then, fixing this wall is the top priority!” He commanded.

     “Now then, who’s Dozzer?” Jeran asked, contemplating the person who left the message.

      “Maybe they were an old castle sorcerer, or seer. They would have had to have been some sort of magical person to leave a message like this in the right place for it to be found...” Rohane suggested.

      “Oh man. If only we had a warning sooner!” Tormund complained.

      While everyone listened to Tormund’s worries, Gaius was only half listening. He was trying to figure out how to repair the wall. More specifically, how the wall was supposed to go back together. Where did all these wood planks go? He hadn’t expected so many inside the walls.

      “Guys, I need to go grab my notes. Perhaps they might shed some light on this. Just keep clearing out the space. We need as much debris out of the way before we can start rebuilding. Morris, Boris... Where are you?” Gaius looked for the two fresh-faced squires.

      “Here!” They called out and ran up.

      “I need you to go to the Builder Guild and let them know that we need a 2 tonne order of cement, they will need time to prepare the order, so be quick!” Gaius scribbled down the exact mix and blend he needed on a sheet of paper, signed it, and handed it to Boris.

      “And no dawdling!” Jeran backed up Gaius’s command.

      Gaius ran off to a hidden corner of the gardens. He decided that taking the secret passage behind the hedges would get him back to his desk in the library as fast as possible, so he slipped in. At his desk, he started flipping through his plans and blueprints. He found the plans for the walls pretty easily, having created an exact copy of them as a young lad. His family’s long history of being Castle Planner meant that they had to constantly update the plans, but redrawing them was great practice for children apprenticing with their parents.

      “Just as I thought. The plans don't call for wooden planks on the inside, only as framing on the outside!” Gaius confirmed to himself. Just as he was trying to consider what it all meant, a loud bang shook the walls of the library. Gaius immediately rushed out of the library, and into the hall with windows facing the gardens. He opened them up and poked his head out. He saw another hole had been punched through the castle walls! What he also spotted was an odd pattern of bricks that were half hanging out of the destroyed wall.

      “We’re under attack! It’s happening!” Tormund could be heard panicking.

      “Form ranks!” Jeran commanded, trying to get back control of the situation, while Tormund panicked a little. It took a few seconds, but eventually, the knights all formed a shield wall along the breech. As the dust cloud settled, Gaius could see that the damage was quite severe with damaged wooden planks and stones visible. He now knew that the first event was no accident. Maybe that prophecy was coming true... What did Dozzer know that they didn't?

      He had to figure it out, but more importantly, he needed to fix these walls, and fast! He returned to his desk and started pouring over the notes section of the wall blueprints. If there were helpful techniques for shoring up breeches, they would be there. He read through the notes: Cut stones, then sand polish edges for tight interlocking fits. If the White Stone Quarry is low, similar stone can be found to the East of Brightvale. Use smaller stones in the curved areas for a smoother curve... All these tips were unhelpful. But then he spotted the name Dozzer on the blueprints.

      “Oh? What’s this name doing here?” Gaius looked closer. Dozzer’s name was listed as the original draftsman of the blueprints. There were 6 names below indicating who had worked on updating the copies, with Gaius’s name at the bottom. “Oh!! Dozzer must have been a Castle Planner!” Gaius pieced things together. “Okay Dozzer, let’s see what else you had to say about this invasion.” Gaius went to look for an archived copy of Dozzer’s journal.

      Outside, the knights stood at attention, watching the trees surrounding the castle moat. Another rumble, and a flash of red burst out of the treetops. BAM Another impact! The knights ducked out of the way of the falling debris.

      “We’re under attack!” A knight cried out from the ranks. People who had been enjoying the nice weather in the castle gardens quickly rushed inside now that it wasn’t safe.

      The third impact made Gaius rush. He found a journal with Dozzer’s name on it, and almost tore the fragile pages apart in his rush to open it. He started flipping through as fast as he could until one passage caught his attention.

      “The walls have been breeched yet again. This invasion of cheese wheels is going to be the end of me. This cheese rolling fad has gone too far! I’m trying to convince the Queen to ban the practice, but She insists on maintaining tradition. I’m getting tired of repairing these walls. I’m running out of materials to repair them with, to the point where I’ve started having to fill the walls with wood, and merely put up stone facades... I can only hope that this fad dies out soon... But knowing fads, I’m sure it will come back again.”

      “Brick cheese!” the Bori exclaimed as he raced off to let people know what was going on. His short legs betrayed how fast he wanted to run, but eventually, he arrived at the glut of Knights blocking the main hole in the walls.

      “It’s cheese!” He proclaimed without context, to a sea of confusion. “I think it’s just wheels of cheese that escaped!” Gaius went to sift through the rubble again. Eventually, he found that brick pattern from earlier. It took some effort, but eventually, he wrested it from the pile of debris and held up a wheel of brick cheese for all the knights to see.

      “Oh, Well that’s a relief. But still, just in case, let’s keep our defences up while we sort out this problem at the hill.” Jeran put the knights at ease but did not dismiss them. “Gaius, Rohane, Let’s go pay the cheesemonger a visit.”

      “Ooh! I know of an old sapper tunnel that can get us most of the way there!” Gaius excitedly offered, taking any moment he could to geek out about the castle’s features.

      “I- I’d rather just walk. Tunnels are a bit tight.” Rohane wasn’t keen on the idea. Gaius agreed, and they headed out the gate and across the moat.

      All three of them raced over to the steep hill where people have been engaging in the traditional tumbling of dairy for many many centuries. It was a wildly dangerous sport, but people did it because of the thrill of the chase, and mixed in with an occasional free cheese. As they got closer, they were nearly run over by a huge wheel of brick cheese being chased down by a green Grarrl.

      “Careful!” She shouted as she ran past, pushing the cheese faster and faster. Eventually, she could be heard shouting as she got her final time “31 seconds! Getting closer!”

      The knights noticed that the Grarrl was not going after her brick cheese, which continued down the hillside, before it bounced off a tree stump, and landed in a ditch with an earth-shaking thud. The Grarrl started climbing back up the hill, and came back up to the knights, who joined her on her trek.

      “What are you doing?” Jeran interrogated her.

      “Practicing. I’m trying to set a new cheese rolling world record. I read about the times that were set a long time ago before regulation cheese was introduced. I’m trying to practice to get under 30 seconds! I’m so close!” She proudly explained. “The whole world will know of Posey the Cheeseroller!” She said with a gentle flex.

      “But why are you not retrieving your cheese?” Rohane asked, knowing not to let on too much as to the strife at the castle, as they all reached the top of the hill. “They just roll off. Do you not reuse them?”

      “Because it’s less exhausting to just have a lot of cheese at the top of the hill. I can practice longer this way!” She showed off a large stack of brick and stone based cheeses. There were at least a dozen ready to go cheeses that were much larger than the usual fare.

      “And are you aware of the damage that your runaway cheese is causing?” Jeran questioned.

      “Damage? There’s nothing around here but trees! Why?” She scratched her head.

      “There’s currently three large holes in the side of my castle walls!” Gaius revealed. He couldn’t keep it in any longer. “Please stop launching those projectile cheeses down the hill!”

      The Grarrl gasped. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea! I thought the moat would protect it!”

      “No, they have been launching up and over the moat, and straight into the walls. It’s made quite the mess.” Rohane explained.

      “If I can’t train, then I will never get to set the record.” Posey was crestfallen.

      Gaius thought for a moment, imagining himself as a piece of cheese, curled up in a ball, rolling down the hill. A dizzying thought, but soon he hit inspiration “I think I know how to solve this.” Gaius said, trying to make both parties happy.

      After two weeks, Gaius had completed a new idea for dirt embankment at the end of the cheese rolling hill. Any wayward cheese would just roll up and back the dirt ramp. Posey was happy to lend her strength to the construction crew to help things move along as quickly as possible. Now any escaped cheese, even if it wasn’t regulation, would stay by the cheese rolling hill and Posey the Grarrl was finally able to practice to heart’s content, but King Skarl confiscated half of her brick cheese wheels to use as building material to fill the holes in the wall.

      By the time King Skarl returned from his trip, they had not finished repairing the walls. Skarl was furious at first, but eventually calmed down knowing that everyone was

      “Looks like the previous holes in the wall caused by the last cheese rolling fad were repaired quickly and cheaply. This made them much more prone to damage by the cheese-based ‘attacks’ we had recently. By filling the holes with bricks and stones, instead of sticks and wood, they should be far more sturdy. Skarl was quite happy to serve what he called poetic justice, since his walls would be repaired with the bricks used to break his walls.” Gaius recorded the week’s events into his journal.