How To Be a Royal (Who Needs a Paintbrush?)

Ever wish you could be like those dashing aristocrats… but do not want to hand over 1,750,000 Neopoints? Perfectly understandable, of course. All those Neopoints and for what? A pretty new dress and a tiara? You can do better than that, ladies! You just need to bring out your inner princess.

Step 1: Pampering

You may have noticed how your royal counterparts have such an air of elegance and refinement about them. How they hardly need a crown at all to look absolutely lovely. See those princess, for example? How soft their fur, how their hair just falls in those cascading locks,- (Yuka: Those “locks” hardly cascade. Perhaps drip.)- Those smooth paws and ears. Two words: MOISTURIZING and CONDITIONING.

I highly recommend the Whirlygig Lotion. Smells simply divine but still gentle on sensitive skin. Don’t worry, the purple tint washes away after a day or so. Wear thin cotton gloves over your paws when you go to bed after you slather on some ointment. You can moisturize with no effort at all! Good bye, chapped skin, we will not miss you!~

For you ladies who wish for your hair (or feathers) to truly shine, deep conditioning is the answer. I think the Pebeanjay Conditioner or the Gnorbu Conditioning Shampoo will do the job. Such soft, luxuriously gleaming hair that will be the envy of all. Health, too, is important for your hair. The Herbal Shampoo, chock full of vitamins and nutrients will display your hair at its best.

Step 2: Attitude

No one is a true noble unless you are a royal inside and out. Noses in the air, ladies! Practice those sniffs. The snootier the better! Do not be afraid to tell people how much better you are than them. It is true, is it not?

Scenario 1: (incorrect)

Elizabeth? How are you? Would you care for some borovan? Have a seat over here.

No. No, no, no, no, no. That is simply NOT it!

Scenario 2: (correct)

Ah, Miss Elizabeth. That Neopox cleared up, has it? Well, do not come too close to me anyway. You could still be contagious. Be a dear and use the paper cups, would you? This is hand-painted china and I would not want your germs all over it.

Brava! That is the way. You cannot go about with GERMS on your person. Perish the thought.You are a royal, make sure everyone knows that. Be sure to tell even strangers on the streets (repeatedly) how you are a royal and how your blood is bluer than the sky.

You must never, and I mean never, pick up your own napkin, handkerchief, purse, compact, etc. if you drop it. Leave that to one of your maids. Your dainty paws must never touch the filthy ground or someone else’s hands. Always wear gloves. Silk or kidskin is best. If you really must, cotton or satin is okay.

Step 3: Speech

Never ever let something as vulgar as a contraction fall from your delicate lips. You are a refined and noble lady. Something as crude as “can’t” or “don’t” must never be said by yourself. You should always say, “cannot” or “do not”. Nothing else is befitting to a sophisticated maiden.

You must never be coarse or vulgar or say the phrase “What?”. “What?” is one of the most vulgar of terms and should never be uttered. The correct expression would be, “I beg your pardon? I must have missed that over the Neopian Philharmonic.” or else, “Could you please repeat that? I feel a little faint.”

Step 4: Manner

A lady never lets something as unsophisticated as a footfall escape her. Her footsteps should be elegant and completely silent. As a lady always wears slippers and never tap shoes, she will easily accomplish this if she carries herself properly.

A straight spine is also important. Does Princess Amira slouch? Does Princess Fernypoo? I think not! Perish the thought of a princess being anything but upright and graceful. It not only adds inches to your noble stature, but it allows for better nose-in-the-airing. Much easier, too, to look down your muzzle at someone when you have gained the advantage of sitting up straight. Think of that beautifully perpendicular line your spine makes with your chair! A straight back is all the more graceful, too.

Step 5: Dress

Yes, I know you must have looked forward to this part as much as I. Must you pay so much for a hat and scepter? No, of course not. A simple trip to your local clothing store will do the trick quite nicely.

The Fancy Pink Gown is relatively inexpensive (when compared to the paintbrush) and looks simply divine on anyone. You will want to get it specifically tailored, though, as a princess will never wear anything that has not been made specially for her. But no one has to know that it wasn’t ordered, right? That is the spirit.

Feel free to accessorize of course. The Koi Shell Tiara will look the best set atop your glistening curls while you keep your wand in your hand and order your subjects about.

You may have also noticed that many princesses wear pink; from eye-smarting bubblegum pink to a delicate mauve.

Also, princesses and ladies wear pastels, mostly. Light sky blue, pale leaf green; a painter’s palette of colorful choices awaits you!

This is what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. You don’t need to buy a paintbrush, you just need to bring out the elegant lady in you. Anyone can do, as easy as pie!

Note: To those readers who may be offended by the snootiness I imply of royals, I apologize. This is all in good fun and I have nothing against those with royal blood or those without. Please try to keep in mind that piece is for entertainment only. Also, the only way to get a royal painted pet is with the Royal Paintbrush, which you can find in the Hidden Tower (if you can find the Hidden Tower in the first place).