Lupe vs. Chia: Reason Behind the Madness?

I started asking my Lupe, Atroel, a few questions.

ME: Jeez, what’s your problem?! Why don’t you like Chias?

ATROEL: Mmmm….Chias…..

Despite my relentless drilling I was back to where I started. I knew I would have to ask an older, more experienced Lupe. After slaving for minutes over Neopedia articles, I prepared myself for what I knew would be a tough interview.

ME: Jeez, what’s your problem?! Why don’t you like Chias?

BALTHAZAR: I beg your pardon?

ME: Why…don’t you…like…Chias?

BALTHAZAR: You must be confused, I don’t like faeries.

ME: No way. You don’t like those pretty little guys?

BALTHAZAR: Yeah, there’s like a whole article in the Neopedia about it.

ME: My bad. But seriously, Balth - is it okay if I call you Balth?

BALTHAZAR: No, not really, no.

ME: Fair enough. But there are no instincts in you that really dislike those round little Chias?

BALTHAZAR: Nah, they’re okay. Especially with applesauce.

ME: What did you just say?

BALTHAZAR: Nothing.

And so with nothing gained but a few notes on applesauce, I decided that I needed both a new opening question and a better interview. I decided to mix things up a bit.

ME: So where do you stand on the Lupe vs. Chia rivalry?

MEEPIT: Meep?

But that pretty much proved to be a complete waste of time. I realized that it would probably be for the best to stick to interviews that would be spoken in a human language, a realization that wouldn’t be without its share of rewards. But to make sure I didn’t have a one-sided argument, I decided to find a dumb Chia who wouldn’t sound very knowledgeable. Why? Because I’m biased like that.

ME: Hey stupid, what’s with you and your stupid Chia friends? Why are you afraid of Lupes?

SIR FUFON LUI: Rapscallion! How dare you besmirch my family's good name? En garde, you shameless reprobate…

ME: What?

SIR FUFON LUI: Watch your mouth or I’ll poke you with my really sharp sword.

ME: Yeah okay, Coward McCowardton.

SIR FUFON LUI: How dare you! When the Lupe raiders were on the way to town did I run in fear? I most certainly did not! I sliced those pathetic raiders to ribbons and sent them running with their tail between their legs!

ME: Yeah, sure you did.

SIR FUFON LUI: I did.

ME: Don’t suppose you can prove it?

SIR FUFON LUI: There’s like a whole article in the Neopedia about it.

ME: Oh.

Despite my intelligence, I was once again outwitted by a neopet with an odd moustache and pointy sword. I promised myself to never let that happen again. I knew my general good judgment of stupidity had failed me, but my formula (weird facial hair + dumb name= very stupid individual) had proven incorrect. So rather than make a fool of myself again, I went with an interview that would surely be of a more intellectual nature.

ME: You seem to be a scholarly thinker. What do you think started the fight between Lupes and Chias? Chia pops perhaps?

JELLY CHIA: Gluurbbb.

It was at this point that I all but gave up and went home. The only things that kept me from doing so was my journalistic drive, my desire for knowledge, and the fact that we were all out of chocolate anyways. I knew there was still one creature old enough to provide the answer to my age old question, a creature who resided deep in the Haunted Woods.

ME: Hey, you’re really old, aren’t you? I mean ancient, right? You must know why Lupes and Chias don’t get along.

ESOPHAGOR: Feeedd meee…

ME: Can’t this wait? I need you to answer some questions.

ESOPHAGOR: Fiinndd meee myy fooodd aaandd I wiilll reewaarrdd yyoouu...

ME: *grumble*

So one Slime Sundae later, I returned to the Esophagor.

ME: Uh…here’s your food.

ESOPHAGOR: MMMMMMMMmmmmmm Nowww essoophagorr happy!!!!

ME: Well…uh…that’s good. Slime Sundaes were never my personal favorite, but hey. So can you answer my question now?

ESOPHAGOR: Margaret Skeith dieeddd innn thhee yeeear 32 BN.

ME: That’s a shame but I didn’t really ask-

ESOPHAGOR: Geett mee morre foodd anndd I wwiill telll yoou thee pllaaceee...

ME: I really don’t care about tha-

ESOPHAGOR: Feedd mee…

I could tell that this interview was going nowhere fast, but I suppose that’s what I get for talking to a perpetually hungry blob. I wracked my brain trying to think of the Haunted Woods’ intelligent inhabitants but nothing really came to mind. I mean, it’s not like there was anyone there with big oozing brains popping out, I mean, c’mon, right? I thought of other knowledgeable Neopians such as Fyora, but I knew that she would never have the time for me and my silly questions. So at last, with a heavy heart and unanswered questions I headed home.

I sat for and pondered my lack of both chocolate and answers for several hours before I could come to a reasonable conclusion.

It seemed that some rivalries in Neopia simply could not be reasoned. Just because Chias come in several edible flavors and look like big jelly beans doesn’t mean Lupes should want to eat them. And just because Lupes look way cooler than them doesn’t mean Chias should be jealous. I added this conclusion to my notes with a sense of accomplishment.

“You're not seriously going to end your article like that, are you?” asked Atroel.

“Yes,” I said smiling. “Yes, I am.”