Interview with the Pant Devil

The Pant Devil, a villain widely known for his evil greed, theft, and treachery, has always been feared by many. His ability to steal and terrorize has always aided him in his search for valuable items and prey. Why, though, we all wonder. And that is why I, Kali (crazy_monkey_luver_3) dragged along my friend and partner, Courtney (3dcourtney12044), while I completed my search of the Pant Devil.

It wasn't difficult, really. Courtney grabbed a heap of junk, piled it around me in the very center of the Haunted Woods, and told me what to do. I obliged and screamed, as she told me to, "YARD SALE! VALUABLE ITEMS! PRECIOUS ITEMS! ITEMS WORTH A LOT OF MONEY!" I added in a hiss to Courtney after gazing at my surroundings, "I don't see any valuable items in any of this trash, do you?"

Shortly after, the Pant Devil arrived and, in between roaring at us and telling us we were likely to be devoured by him for his evening meal, he chided us for tricking him and asked us what we meant by it. We told him our request, and he granted us an interview rather reluctantly.

And here is the said interview (after extreme editing in various places). Any form of damage to one's brain cannot be blamed on me or Courtney after reading this article.

Courtney: *nervously staring at the Pant Devil* Right, erm, nice to see you Mr., um, Pant Devil, sir. Now, before we --

Kali: *was gazing into space, daydreaming of a cheesy Meepit dance, but snapped out of it* Ooh -- OH! I have a question!

Courtney: *looking wary* Right, go ahead, then.

Kali: Why are you blue?

Courtney: *groans in exasperation*

Pant Devil: Well, before I started taking stuff, you see, I worked in the Toy Factory -- yes, hard to believe, isn't it? Well, it was actually my cousin, Elfrid, and my Aunt Georgina... or was it Uncle Ale? I really have no --

Courtney: I'm sure we'd all love to hear the ending to what I am sure would have been a thrilling story --

Kali: B-but -- I wanted to hear about Uncle Ale!

Courtney: *clears throat* Kali, have any real questions? *glares at her pointedly*

Kali: Oh, um -- well, Pant Devil, why do you steal stuff? 'Cause, once, I was playing the Wheel of Excitement, and you came up and stole my Codestone. You just steal stuff from innocent people! It's really unfair, you know, because what if --

Courtney: *claps a hand to her forehead and sighs as Kali drones on* Oh, what did I get myself into?

Kali: Hey!

Courtney: Oh! You're done rambling! Next question, then!

Pant Devil: But, I didn't even get to answer!

Kali: Yeah! *stomps her foot on the ground at the injustice* He didn't even get to answer!

Courtney: Oh, fine, go on then...

Pant Devil: You see, since I started working at the Toy Factory, I got this reputation as being "evil"... it sort of grew on me, you know, and since then I've just been sneaking up behind people, spooking them, and grabbing whatever they have... sometimes it's good stuff, you know, rare and valuable things, too. Then, usually I break them.

Courtney: Uh -- and why do you break them?

Pant Devil: *glares* It's -- it's out of -- of habit! Next question!

Courtney: Okay... why were you known as "evil" at the Factory?

Pant Devil: Well, it goes with the whole "Aunt Georgina" thing, only now I think it might really have been Uncle Ale, so --

Courtney: *rolls her eyes* You're as bad as Kali!

Kali: *backs away* Don't say that! He could steal something!

Courtney: *glances at her notebook nervously and flips through some interviewing notes* Well, um, er -- while we're on that subject -- I have nothing valuable, by the way, just so you know -- I take it you find joy in stealing, do you not?

Pant Devil: Well, "stealing", now that's a bit harsh...

Courtney: What! So sneaking up on people, scaring them half to death and taking whatever they have in that moment of panic isn't stealing?! Oh, it's borrowing, is it, borrowing with no intention of return? *continues ranting*

Kali: Don't mind her, Mr. Pant Devil, she's just a bit -- well, she's really very insane --

Courtney: *furiously glares at Kali* Me? Insane? You're the one who claims Meepits can talk!

Kali: *feels insulted* 'Cause they can! Wanna hear? MEEP! MEEPITY, MEEPIE, MEEEEP! MEEPER! *begins insulting Courtney in "Meepit"*

Courtney: *twitches* See?!

Kali: MEEEEP!

Courtney: You say I'm insane?

Kali: ...Meep.

Courtney: DO YOU, NOW!?

Pant Devil: *makes angry cat noise*

Kali: *backs away* Now I know who's a bit insane, not to mention crazy, a bit touched in the head --

Courtney: *snarls menacingly*

Pant Devil: *slides a hand into Kali's pocket and steals her Bottled Fire Faerie without her noticing*

Kali: *stops suddenly and stares into space like a Puppyblew that had just smelled the scent of a Snowbunny* *starts to sniff* Wait a moment... something smells different... I'M MISSING SOMETHING!

Courtney: How can you tell if something's missing by smelling?

*Pant Devil drops the Bottled Fire Faerie and the glass breaks. The Faerie zooms away in a blur of orange and red and Kali rounds on the Pant Devil*

Kali: Aha! I was right! YOU OWE ME A FAERIE!

Courtney: But how can you tell!?

Kali: I have a sixth sense. I'm just special, you can't, because you are simply weird that way --

Courtney: That explains a great deal -- special, yes, of course --

Pant Devil: *intervenes quickly* Next question, please!

Kali: Are you sad? Because when Neopets are sad, they turn blue, and I don't want you to be sad!

Courtney: *mutters* At this point, he's gonna turn red...

Kali: What?

Courtney: Oh nothing. Erm -- so, Pant Devil, is there anything you would like to take this opportunity to say to the world of Neopia?

Pant Devil: *draws himself up proudly* Yes! Watch out, human citizens of Neopia and Neopets alike, I'm always ready, I'm always out there, I am always watching... always on the prowl...

Courtney: *mimics quietly in a mocking voice* "...Always on the prowl..."

Pant Devil: What did you say!?

Courtney: Oh nothing.

Pant Devil: That's what I thought you said...

Courtney: "That's what I thought you said..."

Pant Devil: WHAT is with this sudden mimicking?

Kali: Meep.

Pant Devil: *glances at her inquiringly* Eh?

Kali: *fires up at once* MEEP! MEEP! MEEPITY! MEEP!

*Suddenly, Meepits of every colour and every size leap out from behind trees, in trees, in bushes -- everywhere -- leap out from hiding, chanting and shrieking in an echo of Kali, each with his or her own flaming torch in a return to her call. Thrusting a torch into Kali's outstretched hand, one rather large Meepit gives an almighty roar and all others bellow their approval as Kali, raising her torch high and still chanting ("MEEEEP, MEEEEEP!") leads the riot of Meepits down the shadowy, creepy path towards an unsuspecting village*

Courtney: *gazes, dumbfounded, at the very last Meepit as it scurries to keep up* Well, this is an ending no one is likely to forget...

Pant Devil: I'll say.

Courtney: Well, then, let me just conclude the interview, shall I? I have one last question, this one concerning your Uncle Ale and Aunt -- HEY -- GIMME BACK THAT NOTEBOOK, FIEND -- LET GO! THAT HAS THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW IN IT! GET BACK HERE -- VILLAIN OR NOT, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN, I WILL, BRING THAT BACK HERE --

*The Pant Devil cackles madly and zooms away, Courtney's notebook clutched tightly in his claw-like hands. Courtney does, indeed, end up hunting down the Pant Devil and retrieves the notebook with some forceful persuasion, although she is not in time to save the poor unsuspecting village from the wrath of some outraged Meepits and their leader, Kali*

Kali: Hey! I think the Pant Devil's turning red now!

Courtney: *grumbles and speaks through gritted teeth* Get out of it. You realize how much damage you did to that village? Houses caught fire, there were several injured Meepits, and half the village fled and is now living amongst the Brain Tree and its victims!

Kali: But seriously -- he's turning red! Look, the pale blue is slowly turning pink!

Courtney: Right... I don't think we'll be making too many more interviews for a while...

Kali: But he IS! He's turning red, look! *raises her voice* OI! PANT DEVIL! HOW'S YOUR UNCLE ALE DOING? And -- AND YOU STILL OWE ME A FAERIE!

*Courtney grabs Kali and pulls her roughly away*