Thrills, Ink Spills and Golden Quills

(Quilljoy the Aisha, who is a well established NT writer/artist, is pacing back and forth. Every so often she tips her holly covered Neomail inbox over. She is checking to see if any new messages have arrived for her, but there is nothing as of yet.)

Quilljoy:
I don’t ask for much this festive season,
A few messages from my fans would be somewhat pleasing.
To receive none so far - there should be no reason
Why my Neomail flow has been slowly ceasing.

(Singing..)
I’ve been questioning..
Where is the mail? Where is the mail?
It’s just downright insane,
That my recent events haven’t changed.

If the reader count is so strong,
Why, for a little fanmail, do I wait so long?
In this Neopia we are living in,
Readers - yet little feedback giving.
Where is the mail?

(She holds up the inbox sideways to show how empty it is inside. Removing the folded newspaper hat off her head, she holds it next to her heart and looks to the sky.)

Quilljoy:
Hopefully my next entry will gain more attention!
Next issue released of the NT,
I’ll go and make an indentation.
People will head straight to read my entry.

(A Skeith reviewer walks on stage and starts ranting about the famous who always have something to complain about. Then he storms off afterwards.)

Reviewer:
We see them in the NT,
And other online magazines.
Authors who crave sympathy.
All they do is grizzle and moan,
And go and pester Stone.
And talk about how cruel life can be.

I’d like to see them go a week,
Without a submission streak.
If they could spend a day or two,
Walking back in a newbie’s shoes,
I think they'd fumble and they'd fall,
On their past roots and all.

Lifestyles of the Cool and the Famous,
They’re always whinin’, always whinin’,
On gourmet food, they’re always dining.
Oh and if they have got a problem,
They just email the editor to personally solve them.

(Dark backdrop with buildings to represent the Catacombs. It’s night-time and Quilljoy’s sneaking around to submit her entry while no-one is around. She signs the details about her submission, on the bottom part of the giant cardboard version of the submission form.
A voice off stage sings softly, ‘In the Catacombs, the mighty Catacombs, the Author submits tonight..’ The lyrics fade out after the verse is sung twice.)

Quilljoy:
Read the Neopian Times, yo!
You can see the authors you know!
Who have been typing, griping about and hyping something!

(As an NT idol, she figures she can get away with submitting a sub-par story that breaks at least one ruling and still be published.)

I’m too raunchy for the Times,
Surely the NT is going to reject me.(Quilljoy laughs wickedly)

But I’m a role model, you know what I mean.
So I still write my stuff in the Catacombs.
In the Catacombs, yeah!

(Lights dim and a bed is moved into the middle of the stage. Quilljoy is waking up yawning and gets out of bed. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes she bumps into a big, oversized rejection letter standing next to her bed. It says ‘Sorry, your submission was rejected as it broke a ruling..’)

Quilljoy: (Quilljoy is so upset she doesn’t read the rest of the message. She’s outraged and gets prepared to go out and meet Snowflake to discuss her rejection.)

My heart is a spatula, flip-flopping.
Is this a sign that my Times career will soon be stopping?

(Scene change to an office where Ms Snowflake the Neopian Times Editor is working and humming a song to herself. Decorations are hung around and she has a cute little Christmas Scorchio plush on her desk.)

Snowflake:
(Work and work)
All the time, submissions keep coming.
(Work and work)
No matter how many, let’s hope form keeps running.
(Work and work)
Editing entries, ain't no place to be a superstar man.
(Work and work)
That's why I work, and work. Working at the Catacombs..

Worse than avatar collectors collecting leeks and halves of garlic bread.
This is the third time today - I’ve had this song in my head,

(Quilljoy the Aisha is trying to attract the attention of busy Ms Snowflake and in a rough dissatisfied tone of voice she says..)

Quilljoy:
All the..small rulings,
Say they aren’t so,
Snowflake, let it go.
Turn the rejection mails off
Before you go home.

Snowflake:
Sorry for the seeming lack of personal attention,
But I’m a little too busy now to discuss your rejection.

Quilljoy:
You’ve published me heaps of times,
Why should this be no different to any other submission?
If you reject me, I may use lose my writing ambition.

Snowflake:
Perhaps, re-read the rejection letter.
For the suggestions to make your submission better.

(Quilljoy swiftly moves off stage to do what Snowflake’s suggested.)

Snowflake: (Sighing at the author’s unruly diva like behaviour as there’s nothing she can do about it.)

Regulars dreaming of getting the upper hand,
Just like that Aisha who came in today.
By wanting to be published on command,
Sorry girl, but my ethics don’t work that way.

Every submitter has an equal chance,
For a shot at the lucrative quill of acceptance!

(Snowflake’s office set is removed, no-one is on stage except Quilljoy. She has her jumbo rejection letter at her shoulder to recheck. Beforehand she did not read the whole letter properly. It also states she was rejected for not being original enough.)

Quilljoy:
I’ve written stories that border on lame,
With plots pretty much the same.
Walked down the Catacombs, with my head down in shame.
Basically it’s all a sad memory.

As an author, I have lost my respect,
In every aspect.
But I ask you (Singing to a rolled up newspaper)
‘What in insanity?
Keeps leading me back to the NT?’

Maybe, it’s a sign I should move on..

(She was not just rejected for breaking some silly ruling. She suddenly wakes up to the fact that her publishing quality over time has gone downhill and her lack of originality shows badly. And because of this she has lost respect from the readers and author community.)

(Chairs are placed on stage where a circle of pets is sitting and discussing the Neopian Arts. The literary circle consists of a harsh Skeith reviewer, a fastidious Kacheek NT devotee and a Shoyru who is just the usual run-of-the-mill reader.)

Reviewer:
The Times has changed,
The stories just aren’t that diverse!
Seems to me the variety is getting worse.

Devotee:
But really should we blame society?
Or those poor submitters to the NT?

Reviewer:
Well, I think we should blame Kreludor! Blame Kreludor!

Devotee:
True, they aren’t a real country anyway. They are a moon!
(Devotee nods her head in agreement.)

Reviewer:
Back to talking about book reviews..
What in Neopia is all the fuss
About the book ‘Attack of the Space Fungus’?
The writer’s humour is stale bread dry,
With a plotline so bad it will make you cry.

(The Kacheek Devotee is an ex-fangirl of Quilljoy’s works. She recalls how her once favourite author made her big debut - then how she went from fan to famous to flop.)

Devotee:
She's already read the comics
She could note a good punchline
Cheesy Neos, Shoyru Squadron
Bucky, Moo Strip and so on!

She tried to be a fan,
And to submit works just for fun,
She tried for a grand section slam.
Tried to be the next Battlesunn.
As though it will help her get a hand
On a great hunk of Stoneman.

She was gonna be an author
She was gonna be a star
But now the auto form, is her greatest enemy.
She shrinks back into the fading spotlight.
At least that’s something she can get right.

Reviewer:
Like a half price sale at a Mynci’s store!
Yes, I couldn’t agree more.
Her quality has dropped,
Her star status has belly flopped.

(Bursts into song with his deep, tenor voice..)

Lady Writer in the NT
She had a certain quality,
The way her titles made you turn to look,
To catch your attention like a fishing hook.

I recall when her pieces had class and grace,
But now she just takes up costly entry space.

Lady Writer in the NT
She had brains, beauty
And a sharp tongue wit,
So did her career do a dummy spit?

Reader:
Fusspots!
Stop being too negative and brutal.

Reviewer:
So what?
It’s the effort that authors put in that is so futile.

Reader:
Just because you don’t like the NT anymore?
Doesn’t mean you can spoil other’s enjoyment reading it... (Shoyru Reader fades out speaking..)

(A fanclub of 4 Royal Female Uni who call themselves ‘My Little Stoneys’ have gathered for a meeting to talk about their idol - Stoneman3x. The spotlight is on one of the Unis who steps up to centre stage. Every other Uni is frozen in different poses.)

Royal Uni 1: (pointing to the other Unis)
Ha! They don’t even know the real name of Stoneman,
Yet these girls want to propose and ask for his hand.

If they were to ever bump into him they would say,
“Oh my gosh, it’s Stoneman3x! He rocks!
Please would you sign my ankle socks?”

(Holding up a pair of green socks and puts them down again.)

With mates TK and Sims getting jealous,
From Stone saying “Sorry, I’m more popular, fellas.”

Royal Uni 2: (Singing..)
My name is Little! And...

I'm a real fan of Stoney, yes I'm a real fan of Stoney.
All you other ponies are just imitating
Why don't you fake little Stoneys just give it up,
Just give it up, just give it up?

(Little does a ‘talk to the hoof’ movement and turns her face away from the other Royal Unis.)

I’m the real deal - from my Lucky Boot shrine,
The fanclub in which I devote time.

To prove to you, I’m not a wannabe phoney,
And I’m worthy of being a My Little Stoney.
I’ve stayed up late each and every night,
To compose something like our idol would write.

Royal Uni 1: Little, you couldn’t compose a single sentence if you tried..

(Little grabs her red furry coat draped over a log, she prepares to travel off to the chilly Catacombs to give her work to Snowflake.)

(Travelling through the Deep Catacombs, Little the Royal Uni is quivering from the intensely cold weather. She spots Snowflake drinking a warm cup of Borovan. Little is nervous with excitement, takes her story up to Snowflake and harmonises. Quilljoy has returned to the Catacombs but is hanging around in the background, not sure what to say.)

Little:
The time has come for me to go
From Times Fan, to Times Superstar
And faith is all I need, you know.

To lift my career off the ground.
My intentions are clear..
Not gonna fool around.
To make my Neopets owner so proud.

Snowflake, can you give me my fame?
Can you help me in this game - oh Snowflake?

Quilljoy: (Quilljoy places her Fire Faerie pen genteelly down on the ground.)
Like an apple must eventually drop from its tree,
This is the case of my departure from the NT
It’s your turn now, I’ve had my share of the spotlight.

(As the last snowflake of Winter falls onto Little’s nose, the publishing cycle continues of authors leaving while others begin their Neopian Times journey..)

Snowflake: (smiling sweetly)
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to appear...

(Little the Royal Uni runs up to Snowflake and hugs her. Just before Quilljoy the Aisha looks up to the sky and Snowflake has a few last words for her before she leaves.)

Chin up! Surely, the readers will miss you
You’ve inspired, been admired
I just hope this is the send off you desired.

(Quilljoy smiles slowly at Snowflake remembering happier times. She slowly walks away, then stops under a street light.)

Quilljoy: (Singing..)
Memories,
I’m no more in the spotlight.
I can smile at the old NT days,
I was so famous then
I remember my first gold quill pen
Now let Little the Uni’s Journey begin.

Fade to black.