The Wonders of Neo Fungus

Also by cibola

The following word will cause one (or more!) of three reactions:

a) Screams

b) Hurl

c) Death

What utterly horrible, squishy, slimy, terrifying thing could cause such reactions? None other but fungus, of course! When most people see or hear of fungus, a disgusting, moldy granny's bathtub comes to mind. And hey, we can't blame you for recalling these sickening images. But really... in the nick of its uber filthiness, Neopia couldn't be what it is today without this stuff. Why? Allow us to explain. :)

Chomby and the Fungus Balls. Only the BEST BAND OUT THERE, people! If Neopia didn't have fungus, this classic rock band would have some cute, goody-goody name... like Chomby and the Ballerina Balls. *puke!* Who would want to go see that? And besides – by visiting at the Tyrannian location, you get one of the coolest, grooviest avatars out there. It's a win-win!

Or, if this substance was absent from our world, we wouldn't have the legendary Chomby and the Fungus Balls game! Sure, its dead, decaying self is off in some game graveyard, but that doesn't mean it isn't still awesome! At one point in time, it was a great source of entertainment for the upbeat escape artists of Neopia, and even after its tragic passing, it still is! The point of this old game is to help a blue Chomby reach a star somewhere on the gameboard without touching a moving mushroom or fungus ball. As the levels progress, it can be almost impossible to complete!

And who could forget the Fungus Caves? If that slimy, green goo didn't exist, neither would Neopia's beloved Krawks today! In order for a Krawk petpet to become a Neopet, it must munch on some of this green fungus that grows and thrives in the damp cave. So do this easy math: little Krawk + fungus = awesome Neopet!

And, as I'm sure most of you are aware, there is Neowart Fungus, probably the best Neowart cure out there. This type of fungus can help those gross, itchy warts on your back go away in minutes. You'll be looking like a star in no time. It doesn't get much better than that, folks!

And then there's that other best-selling game - Lost in Space Fungus! (It's quite alive, too, may I add.) This game features an unknown orange Grundo whose space shuttle is broken. It only moves in circles! You have to guide him across outer Virtupets Space and make sure he doesn't get swallowed up by evil space fungus. If there was no space fungus, however, the game wouldn't be fun. No more said. But if you want to show your appreciation for this exhilarating game, why not download the screensaver on Neopet's screensaver page?

Oh, but this isn't all! What about all the exclusive fungus merchandise? For all those serious TCG card collectors' decks to be complete, you'll notice that that they all have the one and only Giant Space Fungus TCG card. This card has the breath-taking photo of a space fungus (in space) spurting its gross green slime at something. The sun and meteors are in the background, too, so it's quite pretty. 'Chomby and the Fungus Balls' is also a great addition to any NeoDeck. A must-have for Neopians around the globe, for sure.

Now, for all you younger pets out there, there are a few cute toys and literature for you to enjoy! Some of these great amusement devices include:

• Fungus Ball Yoyo (comes in a pretty purple and green!)
• Attack of the Giant Space Fungus (fun tentacles on the cover to play with)
• Orange Fungus Petpet Ball (big, fluffy orange and green frizz - great for all fun-loving petpets)
• Malevolent Fungus Pencil Case (holds all your school supplies!)
• Space Fungus Plushie (pink plush for all to squish – looks like the real thing, too!)
• Space Fungus Action Figure (have a 'blast' with this goo-squirting figure)
• On Tour with Chomby and the Fungus Balls (a great book for intermediate readers)
• Malevolent Fungus Plushie (malevolence in plushie form – how fun!)

Oookay. Almost finished here. If your neopet has some other undesirable illness that cannot be cured with Neowart Fungus, why not try Bubbling Fungus or Crumble Fungus? Bubbling Fungus can be found at Kayla's Potion Shop in Meridell, while Crumble Fungus is sold for around 2,000 NP at Remarkable Restoratives. Just ask your physician before using any medicated product, kids! ;)

And now, last (but certainly not least), yummy food to satisfy all your fungusy needs. These delicacies are rare, remember, so they may or may not be a little pricey! The only fungus foods on the market right now are:

• Hairy Fungus Salad (complete with the chef's hair itself!)
• Eyeball Fungus (okay, now that's just gross... )
• Space Fungus Sundae (my personal favourite – includes lotsa different ice-cream flavors!)

    Now, I know all of you are just LIVING to be able to experience the joys and wonders of Neopian fungus right now, but hold your Unis. What if this all wasn't here? What if this substance, like a special book, just... poofed? Think of the fungus caves. There'd be no Krawks! Or what about Neowart Fungus? That old Poogle living down the road would never look the same again! Now, don't fret – I'm sure fungus will never disappear for good, but there are ways you can help 100% guarantee this. Here are some tips!

Water the fungus! If you see fungus lying around or even starting to call that corner of your bedroom its home, water it! For it to create its goo, its body must expand (by absorbing water) so it's big and strong enough to keep the goo.

Don't give that Krawk petpet too much fungus! Believe it or not, they only need about half a cup of that Fungus Cave fungus for the transformation to take place. If you don't want this fungus to become endangered, take what you need -- and no more! (This goes for the use of fungus remedies, as well)

Finally, keep playing those games! Well, fungus-related games, actually. There was a time when Neopians hated fungus and wanted to get rid of all traces of it (or in other words, before you read this article), but by showing your appreciation of fungus and goo by playing these games, it'll ensure uncivil acts like these never occur on the face of Neopia again.