The Crumpetmonger's: A Guide to Buying Pastries

But before you reach for those Neopoints, consider- what pastries are the best? Which would my pet like best? Hard questions, especially with so many tasty options... and types of pastry! Where to start?

Now, seeing as this guide cannot tell you what every kind of pet would want from the Crumpetmonger’s, I will instead provide you with the step-by-step guide of how to find your pet’s dream pastry, and an example case for one of my own pets. Also, I will be reviewing my personal top five pastries towards the end.

You must start by considering your pet’s color. If they are painted a fruity color, this would indicate a non-fruit pastry, or at least avoidance of pastries containing that fruit. The same goes for chocolate pets. If your pet is Maraquan, it’s a good bet to just steer clear of a fish-related food. Either they eat fish 24/7 as an under-the-sea dweller, or they have strong moral opinions against eating fish. As for biscuit pets... well, I’d just say to steer clear of the Crumpetmonger’s entirely.

Now that you have (possibly) eliminated some pastries, think on your pet’s species. Is your pet a Skeith? Perhaps they would appreciate a Drumstick Pie, chock-full of meaty goodness. As for Flotsams, Jetsams, and Koi... it’s like the Maraquan pets. Don’t get them a Fish Pie. Or anything related to fish.

It’s time to consider your pet’s personal food likes and dislikes. Have a pet that’s vegetarian? Don’t get them meaty foods! Have a chocolate-obsessed pet? May I recommend a chocolate scone, or, better yet, some chocolate creampuffs? If your pet’s all about healthy foods, but wants a change from the food shop, maybe you should steer clear of sugar-laden foods, and go for a better option of a cheese scone.

Now, you have a final list. You have two options- buy them all, or select one. How do you select this last one? Of course, you have more choices. You can go with the lowest price, saving money. If your pet’s into the gourmet, look and see if any are rare. Probably not, but you never know. Or simply go through the steps again and again until your list is narrowed down to one food.

Here’s an example, with my own Wocky, Jessie45780. She’s vegetarian, a limitation. For this example’s purpose only, let’s pretend that she absolutely hates any food colored red of any shade.

Jessie and I enter the shop, searching for a good treat. In the shop there is:

• Chocolate Cream Puffs
• Veggie Stew Pie
• Tomato-Basil Scone
• Cheese Scone
• Beef Stew Pie
• Lemon Tarts

Okay, we can rule out the Beef Stew Pie, because of the vegetarian thing. The Tomato-Basil Scone is also out, because of the color red. We have ruled out two options.

She’s not painted, so there are no food limitations on that. We will now further eliminate our options down, seeing as I want to find the best possible food for my beloved pet.

The Veggie Stew Pie has a slightly reddish tint to the sauce, so I’m going to knock that off the list as well. We’re down to the Chocolate Cream Puffs, the Cheese Scone, and the Lemon Tarts.

How to choose from here? None of the foods are red and none contain meat. Jessie isn’t a gourmet pet, so that’s not a consideration. Alright- you’ve guessed it. We’re going by price.

The cream puffs are around 2,350 Neopoints. The tarts are in the 1,200 Neopoint range. And the scone is the cheapest, at about 920 Neopoints. Which will I buy? The cheese scone, of course. I can actually buy two of them for about what I can by one of the cream puffs.

And there you have it- finding a food for a picky pet.

Now, my personal top five. I have long been a customer at the Crumpetmonger’s, and I have found that some pastries taste better than others. Here, I will put them into a list, ordered from the great-but-not-splendid to the best.

1.) Mini Crumpets

The perfect snack for the road, or as an afternoon treat. They’re small enough to stick into a pocket (though you may want to find a bag to protect your crumpets from pocket lint), or into a backpack for eating during a boring math class... just don’t let the teacher catch you! They always make you share... stupid math teachers... no offense meant! Their only drawback is their best feature- being small. There really should be more of them...

2.) Berry Tarts

I like these because there’s more variety than in an ordinary lemon tart. Not just that lemony flavor, which, while delicious, can get boring. You can pick your favorite berry, as the description says, or take them all! These tarts are perfect for an afternoon tea or a summer get-together, although they are enjoyable all year round.

3.) Tomato Basil Scone

Ruled out in our example, but delicious all the same. This scone is amazing around lunchtime. If you add some cheese (I like mozzarella), and maybe some toppings like sausage or peppers, you can create your own scone pizza! This is a great recipe for when you want pizza but don’t really feel like fighting the crowds at Pizzaroo. And it’s not too well known, so don’t spread the word around, or these scones will go faster than any slice fresh out of the oven at that pizza place!

4.) Rosemary-Bacon Scone

Yeah, I like scones, but this is a long-time breakfast favorite. It’s perfect with some scrambled eggs, mixed with fresh, ripe tomatoes, and then served with tea. I find that this scone just adds that right taste of delicious, bacon-y, goodness to make a breakfast complete. It’s delicious, but one overshadows it.

5.) Chocolate or Vanilla Cream Puffs

Mm... cream puffs. They’re delicious. One of my all time favorite foods, now made with love and care, and served to you fresh by the Crumpetmonger. I personally like the chocolate kind better, being a chocolate fanatic, but the sweetness of vanilla is good, too. They’re a little pricey, or at least the chocolate ones are, but worth every Neopoint you spend on them. They go with everything- any recipe you like. And they make great afternoon, morning, or midnight snacks.

And there you go... how to choose pastries and my top five list. It’s a guide to shopping at the Crumpetmonger’s and a guide to pastries as well. And next time you visit the Haunted Woods, be sure to visit this shop of delicious, wonderful foods. Don’t go to the Breadmaster’s bakery. It’s lame. It’s overrated. It’s crowded. Go to the simple land of Neovia, and get their pastries. The ones that are made with a care the Bakery’s will never know. Not that I’m opinionated. Nope, not me.

See you at the Crumpetmonger’s, dearie.