The Tale of Woe: The Musical! - Part Five

Sophie: Let’s start digging! We’re on a mission.

Gilly: Shouldn’t we try and get permission?

Sophie [sighing]: Fine, little miss goodie-two-shoes.

You want permission? Well, then, whose?

Gilly: Who cares for the graveyards in these parts?

He probably has some helpful charts

Or tips to tell us where to dig;

The cemetery’s awfully big.

Bruno: Why don’t we check out that hovel? [pointing to the caretaker’s shack. They go to it.]

Gilly: Maybe its owner can lend us a shovel. [Gilly knocks, and an irate (and somehow familiar) blue Yurble answers the door.]

Yurble: Grrraaaaaaggghhh!

I’m so mad I think I’ll burst!

Caring for graves is simply the worst.

I’ve dozens of grudges and can’t let them go,

And anger’s the only emotion I know.

I’m full of ire, choler, and wrath!

I hate these graves, and I hate math!

I hate janitors, I hate cooks,

But what I hate most? I lost my books!

Now how can I tell whose grave is where?

Thinking about it makes my temper flare.

I need those books so I can flaunt

My grave-tending skills. Now what do you want?

Sophie: We wanted to unearth some tombs.

It won’t be a problem, I assume.

Yurble: Not a problem? How wrong you are!

This request is most bizarre.

Gilly: Mr. Yurble, if we can find

Your precious books, will you change your mind?

Yurble: I guess, but I’ve looked everywhere.

You’ll never find them.

Gilly: They’re right there! [She points into his house.]

Yurble [spoken]: Where?

Gilly [spoken]: Propping up that table leg to keep it from wobbling.

Yurble [spoken]: Oh. Hang on. [He goes inside, then returns, holding his books.] Yup, these are the ones. I’m a little embarrassed. But I guess this means you can dig. Now GO AWAY! Grrraaaaghhh! [He tosses a shovel on the ground, returns inside and slams the door.]

Sophie: Well, that wasn’t too much trouble.

All right, Bruno, grab the shovel!

[The trio mimes digging up graves and testing the bones during the following song.]

Gilly, Bruno, and Sophie: Dig and test, dig and test.

Working like we’re pets obsessed.

Test and dig, test and dig,

This graveyard certainly is big!

Bruno: I toil to shovel up the earth

And open the caskets: a grisly job.

I guess that death’s a bit like birth –

We join, and then we leave the mob.

Sorry for getting too profound,

It’s just that digging is so boring.

And so philosophy abounds

As a way to keep from snoring.

Gilly, Bruno, and Sophie: Dig and test, dig and test.

Working like we’re pets obsessed.

Test and dig, test and dig,

This graveyard certainly is big!

Gilly: I fetch ingredients for Sophie

And test the bones once they’re exhumed.

We deserve some sort of trophy;

But if we don’t do it, Neovia’s doomed!

This one’s not it, and neither is that;

This process will certainly take a while.

Sorry if I sound like a brat,

But playing with bones just isn’t my style.

Gilly, Bruno, and Sophie: Dig and test, dig and test.

Working like we’re pets obsessed.

Test and dig, test and dig,

This graveyard certainly is big!

Sophie: Making potions, stirring brews;

We must work hard, this is no game.

No time to slack, no time to snooze:

We must discover the Spirit’s name!

This is tedious, make no mistake,

(Curses on that sly Ilere!)

But I have more potion to make –

We might not have enough, I fear.

Gilly, Bruno, and Sophie: Dig and test, dig and test.

Working like we’re pets obsessed.

Test and dig, test and dig,

This graveyard certainly is big!

[Gilly holds up a bone and pours potion on it; it begins to glow.]

Gilly: I think I’ve got it! This is the one!

Bruno: Finally, our work is done.

Sophie: Give it to me, let me see. [She examines the bone.]

This one’s it, I do agree.

And now to read the Spirit’s tombstone!

Finally his name will be known!

[Sophie bends down to read the stone, the cries out in frustration.]

Sophie: The stone is broken! There’s no way

To read what was once written there.

I think that, much to my dismay,

We’ll have to get the books; compare

The names upon the other stones

With those within the tomes.

Then we’ll identify the bones

And be a step closer to saving our home.

[Gilly knocks on the Yurble Caretaker’s door. He answers it in his usual custom.]

Yurble: Grrraaaaaaggghhh!

What is it now? What do you need?

Gilly: Could we have those books to read?

Yurble: If you want them, here you go.

Now all of you, leave me alone! [He hands Gilly the books and slams his door.]

Gilly [spoken]: Here are the books. Now to cross out every name...

Sophie [spoken]: That would be really, really boring to watch. I mean, if anyone happened to be watching us, they’d get fed up and probably leave the theater. So let’s just skip to the end of that process.

Bruno [spoken]: Yeah, let’s not do the crossing-out song. It isn’t that good anyway.

Gilly [spoken]: I thought it had a nice tune. Oh, well, let’s just skip it.

Sophie: We’ve been looking through these books for days [She winks at the audience.]

I’m ready to set them all ablaze!

Gilly: Don’t give up, we’re almost done!

This page is the final one!

[They cross out several more names, then triumphantly cry out:]

Gilly, Sophie, and Bruno: Jubart Igig!

Gilly [spoken]: What a weird name.

[Lights down. Scene change: Sophie’s cabin, interior. The cottage is dominated by shelves of potions and ingredients.]

Sophie: Now that we know the Spirit’s name, we can call him hence.

The potion, though, will need someone to pay a great expense.

The Spirit needs another’s body to occupy this plane,

Someone strong enough to hold him in and to contain

His potent magics. How could I ask this of either of you?

Bruno: I’ll do it, Sophie. I’m willing to drink your summoning brew.

Sophie: You cannot, Bruno! What if I make some sort of mistake?

Bruno: I trust you, Sophie, so that is a risk I’m willing to take.

Sophie: Very well, then, thank you, brother. We owe you a debt.

Gilly: But don’t get ahead of yourselves! The potion’s not made yet!

Sophie [annoyed]: Thank you, Gilly, for astutely pointing that part out.

Now make yourself useful, don’t just stand there and pout!

Get me two ounces of bumroot from that shelf over there.

Don’t laugh; it has a silly name, but it’s powerful and rare.

And now to add some bronze sansam; one sprig should be enough.

Next, in goes some slorgblossom (a handful of the stuff).

Crushed jurpleberries to speed the magic and win the spirit’s favor,

And finally a pinch of salt to give the thing some flavor.

[While Sophie has been singing, Gilly has been fetching the ingredients and Sophie has been adding them as they’re named. Now she stirs her cauldron with her staff and pours the red and white mixture into a flask which she gives to Bruno.]

Sophie: Now, brother dearest, are you sure you want to take this chance?

If I mixed the potion incorrectly, we could be in trouble.

Bruno: I’m sure. I’ll drink it willingly, then go into a trance,

And let the spirit into me. I’ll do it on the double.

[Bruno drinks the potion in one gulp. There is no smoke or outward indication of magic, but we can tell that Bruno has been possessed by the change in his posture and demeanor: he now stands taller and speaks with great authority.]

Spirit of Slumber: Why have you called me here? What am I to do?

Sophie: Undo a spell which you cast; it is long overdue.

Release Neovia from its eerie sleep,

Wake its inhabitants from their slumber deep.

Spirit of Slumber: I can undo the spell if that is truly your desire.

Sophie: Yes, that’s my wish, and when you’re done you can once more retire.

Spirit of Slumber: Very well then. Let us go back to the cursed town.

Sophie: Perfect! Come on, Gilly, Bruno, let’s all head back down.

[Lights down on the cottage. Scene change: Neovian street from Act I; however, it has been ravaged by time. The house which was once Sophie and Bruno’s is run down, practically in shambles. The cobblestones are broken and scattered, the lampposts are rusted and bent. Gilly, Sophie, and Bruno (possessed by the Spirit of Slumber) enter stage left and stand in front of the remains of the house.]

Sophie: How this town has changed

From what I used to know.

But now that I’m estranged

I feel sadness, although

It somehow doesn’t impact me

The way I thought it might.

For all the disrepair I see

I know that I can right.

Come, Spirit, undo your spell

Make this ailing village well.

Spirit of Slumber [spoken, arms raised]: Let my spell be undone!

[White smoke covers the stage. When it clears, Bruno is lying on the ground, stunned, no longer possessed. But, more remarkably, several townsfolk have appeared on the streets, looking as they did before taking Krawley’s potion.]

Sophie [spoken]: It worked! Everything is back to normal!

[Edgar and Alice emerge from the wreckage of their house. It seems that a happy reunion is in store.]

Sophie [spoken, with great emotion]: Mother... Father...

[Suddenly, something goes horribly wrong. The townsfolk, including Edgar and Alice, begin to twist and change into the forms they took under the potion’s effects. Then, they are warped further, becoming hulking monsters. The transformed townsfolk advance menacingly toward Gilly, Bruno, and Sophie.]

Gilly [spoken]: Uh oh...

To be continued...