The Adventure Before Dinner: Part Three

     “WOW!” I shouted. “I didn’t know Neohomes came in that version!”

     “The Darblats must be hatching some sort of world domination plot in that castle made of ice!” Puppy shouted. I scowled.

     “How cliché - of your stupid little ‘birds’ and ‘hatching’ combo, and of the fact that they’re making up a plot in a remote castle made of ice. I mean, there are not enough villains hatching up plans in regular, everyday places, like coffee cafes. That is an excellent hatching place! Or a nest, if you actually meant that literally and the Darblats really are hatching something, like perching on top of it and waiting for it to crack...”

     “I did not mean that literally.”

     “Okay. Then that was major cliché of you.”

     “Whatever! Let’s just follow them!”

     We rowed and followed them, trying to keep out of sight of the Darblats so they wouldn’t get suspicious that we were following them.

     “I don’t think hiding is doing us much good,” Puppy whispered, “considering they watched us follow them all the way here!”

     When we looked back up, the current had drawn us closer to the island.

     “Okay, we’ll have to go in a back way,” Puppy said. “That way, we won’t be seen.”

     “Everybody guards the back way,” I told him. “It’s the most obvious place for intruders to come. I mean, back doors and back windows and little mouseholes are just begging to let people in! They won’t suspect us if we go through the front!”

     “In what universe would that make sense?” he snapped.

     “Every universe except backwards universe! And back-doors-always-work universe!”

     After that we had a stare down. I would win those, but Puppy’s stupid face is not that interesting. I always get distracted by things like chocolate and clocks and Carmarillers and clouds. Honestly, grass is more interesting than Puppy’s stupid face. So, I lost, and he yelled “Ha!” and he started paddling us towards the back entrance, and I was feeling all grumpy inside so I crossed my arms and refused to play I Spy with him, even though he didn’t ask. If he would have, though, I probably wouldn’t have! Maybe I would have. If he came up with a really good one.

     He paddled us around, and I looked up at all the icicles and tower spires and the many Darblats running around to and fro.

     “Puppy,” I said to him, “I think this is their kingdom.”

     “Wow, it’s such a big kingdom.”

     I think he was being sarcastic.

     “Look at all those machine parts they’re carrying,” he whispered, though I don’t know why, because unless those little aquatic flightless bird Petpets had super-duper-hearing, they couldn’t have heard us. “And man! Look at that snow monster!”

     I looked.

     It was a BAD snow monster. The kind with huge arms and a big frown and little eyes.

     “Let’s stay away from those,” I suggested.

     “Why didn’t I think of that?”

     We got to the sandy beach, which seemed quite tropical considering the huge ice castle hovering over it, and we hid the boat behind some rocks.

     “Okay,” I whispered. “How do we get in?”

     “Well, you see that back door over there?” he whispered. I looked where he was pointing. There was a large wooden door framed in the ice.

     “Uh huh.”

     “Well, when I count to three, we’re going to run towards it and walk inside.”

     I waited for a few moments, in case there was more to the plan.

     There wasn’t.

     “Really?” I whisper-yelled. “Just walk up to it?”

     “Run to it.”

     “Whatever! That thing is guarded with guards and guard towers and guard locks and all other things and we’ll never make it in! And once we’re in, what are we supposed to do then? Just go around asking, ‘Hey! Where do you keep your world domination plots and/or suspicious activities?’”

     Puppy stood up with a half-smile.

     “Umbreon!” he said happily. “I am so proud of you! You thought this through!”

     “Yes, I did!” I whisper-hissed. “And I know that we should go through the front door!”

     “This is the most cliché place ever!” he said. “You said so yourself! They always leave the back door completely vulnerable!”

     “Yes, but it’s more cliché for the hero – which is me – and the sidekick – which is you – to try to break in through the back door and get caught! That happens way more often!”

     “I am not your sidekick!” he whisper-hollered. “At the very least we are equal partners! And I would say I’ve been more heroic throughout this venture!”’

     “What? What have you done?”

     “I played I Spy!”

     “That is very heroic,” I admitted. He continued.

     “And I was the one who realized there was a trap door! And I was the one who discovered the footprints! And I did most of the rowing while you complained about me not playing a game again while I was trying to concentrate on the greater scheme of things here and figuring out the plot!”

     “You did not do most of the rowing!” I whisper-corrected angrily. “And I am your owner! Putting me in a place of authority! Making me the hero!”

     “No, Umbreon! You’re the one who accompanies me and does stupid things that I have to correct that keeps the story going?”

     “You’re what the story’s going.”

     “THAT’S NOT HOW THAT JOKE WORKS!”

     And that was when we both looked behind him to see a giant snow monster guard blocking out the sun.

     “BWAAAHHHHGGGGAAAAHHHHARRRRGGGGAAAAHHHH!” I screamed. Puppy screamed too, and then he looked at me like I was crazy.

     “I couldn’t choose which screaming sequence I wanted to use!” I told him, and then we both screamed.

     “Run for the door!” he shouted, and we both ran.

     I don’t really want to narroratorate this part for you. It was rather embarrassing, and humiliating, and I got snow in my socks. And a little bit in that awkward place between your shirt and your neck, where snow always seems to get into it and it gives you goosebumps on the top of your arms but not really anywhere else and it’s just weird.

     But I will sum up for you, so that you do not have to bear the shame with us. Basically, we found out that there’s this evil Krawk-Queen-of-the-Darblats-lady who built an ice cream shooter-a-nator and she put it in the very middle of the castle and plans on shooting it out of the little moon-window-gazer-thing-on-the-ceiling (I don’t really know what you call them) and giving the whole world brain freeze so she can use that opportunity to take over the world. To be honest, I thought it was a refreshing change of scenery that her plan involved ice cream, but not the shooter-a-nator part because that’s pretty cliché. And our house used to be the cover-up for storing the ice cream and they used the secret passageway to get the ice cream to a boat where they transported it to the island with the ice castle and they needed a machine part for the shoot-a-nator but since the Darblat couldn’t find one in our basement, he went and stole a Dubloon because those work okay too, apparently. And then we followed him. And ended up in the clutches of a snow monster. So that’s what happened, and then the awful, bully, embarrassing snow monster threw us down in the dungeon and we had to sit there and wait to get brain freeze. I usually like ice cream, but not when it’s used for evil. Or when I’m drowning in it, but I guess that qualifies for evil, too.

     “Do you want to play I Spy?” I asked Puppy when we were sitting there.

     “No.”

     So I looked back down at my feet and waited for our brains to freeze.

     We sat like that.

     And we sat like that.

     And we sat like that.

     And I kept waiting for Puppy to break the silence, but in the end, he didn’t.

     “Pssst.”

     We both looked up.

     “Pssst.”

     “Is that you, Umbreon?” Puppy asked me.

     “No,” I told him. “At least, not consciously, but maybe they broke me already and I’ve gone crazy and I was talking without me realizing it.”

     “Pssst! Over here! In the grate!”

     We walked up and looked into the little vent on the wall, which was now glowing. Both our mouths dropped open. I opened my mouth because he opened his, but I think he opened his because of shock and fear.

     We both stood on our tippy toes to see.

     And there inside the grate was a flaming Scorchio! And not just any flaming Scorchio, but the Defender of Neopia one!

     “Oh my gosh!” I whisper-fan-girl-screamed. “I am like such a huge fan of yours!”

     “Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Did the Defenders of Neopia send you?”

     We both shook our heads.

     “Blast it!” he hissed. “I sent them the distress call days ago! The transmitter must be fried from all this snow!”

     “You’re fried from all this snow,” I whispered quietly.

To be continued...