25 Ways to Get Your Question into the Editorial

We all want to know more about the mysteries of Neopia, and there is only one place for us to find the answers to our questions: the Neopian Times Editorial!

Now, as we have all learned from Mr. Coconut, the Editorial is not random in the slightest. The TNT staff members who look over the questions and pick the most dignified, deserving, and due questions look through hundreds before picking those that will be blessed with an answer by the almighty powers that be. So how are we to pose our questions to get them recognized and answered by the Editorial staff?

Luckily for all you questioning Neopians, we have come up with 30 tips for getting your questions published for your enlightenment! If you follow these guidelines, I am utterly certain that you will get published!

Or, at the very least, publicly ridiculed by TNT.

On to the list!

1. Throw things at the editorial staff. –Despite repeated claims to the contrary, we all know that the editorial staff will rarely publish a question unless you throw a gift at them. Cookies, dung, and Meepits seem to be the top choices.

2. Constantly use gibberish and chat speak. – TNT has a weekly staff tournament in which each staff member tries to decipher n00b questions, so yours would fit perfectly there. Hint: the chat-speak translator always wins.

3. Ask a question about (avatar here). – Because SOMEBODY in the Editorial staff has to know exactly how to get the Bonju or Cellblock avatar.

4. Be vague. – TNT likes it when you make a good set-up for a joke. How else can they be expected to be funny?

5. Submit a question like you are ordering fast food. – “May I have one new avatar every week, with extra sparkles... actually hold the sparkles, they make my eyes hurt. Give it to me to go, thanks!” Classy.

6. Complain about a glitch. – Obviously, TNT has not fixed the glitch because they want to have broken games, and complaining will change their minds.

7. Do not actually ask a question. – “I like to eat fried Chia Pops” is more likely to get published than any question you could possibly ask.

8. Ask where Adam and Donna went. – It is of the utmost importance that TNT acknowledges that Dr. Sloth took them away a few years ago.

9. Ask a question that has already been answered several times before, preferably in the last editorial. – You have to make sure they meant what they said the first time.

10. Ask for your username to be removed. – Because THAT’S not suspicious at all. Instead, it adds an air of mystery around you, making your question more appealing.

11. Keep your username in. – It gives TNT the opportunity to publicly ridicu... I mean, praise you... if they publish your question.

12. Ask about how to solve your personal issues. – TNT IS your psychiatrist, psychologist, loyal dog, and best friend all in one, so I assure you that your question will be honestly answered.

13. Constantly submit the same question over and over again. – You will increase not only the chances of a staff reader seeing your question, but also of the staff reader’s anger level increasing steadily until they want to tear your question to shreds! Good job!

14. Constantly submit the same question over and over again. – See what I did there? It works!

15. Have all your friends, Neofriends, dog, and baby cousin ask the same question. – Same principle as #13, this will ensure that a staff reader not only sees your question, but also rips out his or her hair in frustration, inevitably resulting in an answer.

16. Ask to be paid for your questions. – TNT wants to pay you for your awesome two sentences. In fact, they will feel guilty if they do not, so you might as well ask.

17. Ask to be paid in Neopoints for your questions. – Even better, asking for Neopoints shows you really care for the Neopet economy. You care enough to throw it completely out of line, no less. Therefore, you deserve to know more about Neopia.

18. Ask why your previous question was not answered. – The general Neopian population is psychic, so TNT can publish questions asking about other unpublished questions since everyone knows what said questions were anyway.

19. Ask about Jelly World. – I’m sure TNT will admit it exists someday. (If it exists at all, that is.)

20. Submit an article-length question. – TNT was kidding when they said “1000 characters max”. Long questions are ALWAYS better.

21. Advertise an offsite page, product, or school play. – Just because the Editorial is in the Neopian Times does not mean it has to be about Neopets!

22. Ask about/reveal the ending to a cancelled Neovision show. – Every user who reads the Neopian Times absolutely must know about what you used to watch on Neovision, so TNT loves to publish these questions.

23. Ask where and when Albert Zafara died so you can finish your Brain Tree quest. – Not only does this make perfect sense since the Brain Tree quest is timed, but it also seems to be the only way to get this information. There is no Quest board, after all.

24. Neomail or E-mail your question to a staff member directly. – It will stand out because you are contacting them directly! Everyone else has to use the form, but you, sir or madame, are special.

25. Mention Mr. Coconut. – TNT has to say goodnight to something, after all.

So the next time you want to submit a question to the editorial, remember these tips. Not only will you bring attention to yourself, but you will also create questions that some might categorize as “compelling”, “interesting”, “disturbing”, or “crazy”. These tactics are all either proven to work by past editorials or by common sense. So in conclusion, ask away, dear Neopians, because TNT is ready and willing to answer your questions if you just ask politely like a total “genius”.

Disclaimer: Neither I nor Anna takes any responsibility for any public humiliation caused by TNT as punishment for asking idiotic or pointless questions.

About the authors: Mauvus (Alex) has had one question published in the Editorial in the past. Caw138 (Anna) has had none. They are therefore both qualified researchers in this area.