 The Very VERY Stale Bread: Lost Desert Saga
by no1_tails_fan
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20th Day of Relaxing, Y23 Headline: Exclusive: Image of Lost Desert Make Some Noise Grandstands Causes Controversy Body: ALTADOR | An image of Team Lost Desert's Make Some Noise grandstand from their matchup against Moltara which surfaced early Sunday morning has caused controversy.  The image, featuring multiple robot clones in Lost Desert colours, has renewed calls for the Altador Cup committee to review Team Lost Desert scores and calls for the squad to be disqualified.
Fans are in an outrage over this image. 'It is totally unfair,' Techo Superfan said, 'Lost Desert has countless robots doing all the work, and we're doing the hard labour ourselves in cheering on our favourite teams! My throat is so sore from trying to outscream them. Lost Desert should get an automatic last place.  Others supporting Team Lost Desert deny any wrongdoing. 'Disqualifying Lost Desert would be very unfair to those of us who have been putting in a lot of work supporting our team,' A longtime Lost Desert supporter said, 'Even without the robots, our team would still be dominating the cup. I don't see what the big deal is anyway! Team Virtupets has a lot of robots on their team, and no one ever complains that they're cheating!
Left Defender Luvea Trivon says he supports all his fans, 'I welcome all Lost Desert fans to cheer us on at the Yooyuball matches,' Trivon said, 'While all of our supporters are dedicated and amazing, they're far too quiet. So, I enlisted the help of an elite cheering squad to cinch us that win. The Draik then taunted as he abruptly played Sweet Victory out of the portable loudspeaker he brought with him, 'So what if we have a little extra robotic support in the grandstands. What are you going to do about it? It's perfectly legal under Altador Cup Rule Amendment 25 that robots are allowed to compete in the Altador Cup proceedings.' ----- 23rd Day of Relaxing, Y23 Headline: Brightvale Loses Match For Minor Spelling Error Body: ALTADOR | The Lost Desert squad won their match by default against Brightvale today after it was revealed there was a spelling error on Brightvale's pre-match paperwork.
'We have zero tolerance approach to spelling errors,' a representative from the Altador Cup Committee said at a press conference today, 'The fact that Brightvale misspelt something on their signup sheet is utterly reprehensible. We cannot let such heinous misgivings go unpunished. 'I understand many people have concerns about the legitimacy of the Lost Desert squad, but frankly, we have more important things to worry about!' [image insert: http://i.ibb.co/J38F0R2/What.png] In the signup sheet in question, the name of right forward Reb Weemelott was misspelt as Rob Weemelott instead. This forced the Nimmo to be unable to play as he was not recognised as a player for Brightvale that matchup. The resulting action meant Brightvale was a player short and was forced to forfeit.
The blame was placed solely on none other than King Hagan of Brightvale himself, who oversaw all the team's Altador Cup paperwork. 'This is unmitigated chicanery!' King Hagan announced to his subjects in Brightvale earlier this morning, 'For this unwonted erratum of my chirography to have precipitated our own anomalous ceding to the Lost Desert troupe is a veritable indignation! 'For the committee to exclude the miscreant mountebanks bedevilling the Lost Desert squad only to put weightage onto the infinitesimal solecism of our progeniture's administrivia manifests in unequivocal ineptitude!' We are still trying to decipher what King Hagan said. ---- 24th Day of Relaxing, Y23 Headline: Tensions Run High As Desert Squad Under Scrutiny Body: ALTADOR | In a shocking development, the Altador Cup Committee has announced they will be launching an official investigation into the Lost Desert squad this year. This comes after the team has been accused of suspicious plays, and the revelation that right defender, Luvea Trivon, hired an elite robotic cheering squad to help them win the Make Some Noise contests.
'Alright, fine, whatever,' a member of the Altador Cup Committee said today at a press conference while rolling her eyes and sighing exasperatedly. 'From what I have heard from the community, Team Lost Desert are a blemish on the face of this year's cup, and we're taking certain steps here, and someone somewhere is going to have to do something about it.' The committee member suddenly danced off mid-press conference singing about how she likes 'to dance a little sidestep'. The response from the community has been split, while some welcome the announcement, others have expressed their concern. 'This is complete and utter Scarabug dung,' a long-time Lost Desert supporter said, 'I can't believe that they might be punishing the entire team for the behaviour of a few bad actors.
I'll admit our Make Some Noise results are a bit suspicious, but our Yooyuball team is 100% legitimate! There's no way the robots could have been manipulating the players on the pitch! Tensions escalated on the Yooyuball pitch today between members of the Lost Desert squad after Left Forward Derbi Azar received a yellow card for picking up fellow teammate Luvea Trivon, then throwing him into the opposing team's goal as if he were a Yooyuball in what was frankly an astonishing play. 
It is said that Team Captain Leera Heggle will not be reprimanding Azar for this action. ---- 27th Day of Relaxing, Y23 Headline: Altador Cup Committee Corruption Exposed! Subheading: Stop or else war!' Queen Fyora Threatens Body: ALTADOR | An investigation by The Very VERY Stale Bread has revealed a corruption scandal within the Altador Cup Committee. It has been revealed that the Altador Cup Committee has been taking bribes from various teams to fix matches and predetermining the outcomes of matches before they even began. The Lost Desert Scandal is just the latest, and the only one they have been caught in the act.  It's the reason why we keep asking for donations for our team each year, despite being the winner of it on three separate occasions,' a Kiko Lake player told The Very VERY Stale Bread anonymously, 'Each year, we win and do well, but the Committee keeps asking for more and more Neopoints each year.  It's getting really hard to sustain for such a small nation like ours, and we are struggling to even get salaries because the Committee is taking a larger and larger portion of our fundraising proceeds each year. It really needs to stop! It's bleeding us dry! Kiko Lake is not the only team affected by the corruption scandal, as other teams like Faerieland have been caught in the crossfires before, only to have taken the blame entirely for the corruption. An exclusive interview with Faerieland's regnant Queen Fyora revealed the truth of Faerieland's fourth-place finish in the thirteenth Altador Cup, and the allegations of foul play the followed.  'I'm comfortable breaking my silence on this issue,' Queen Fyora said, 'The prolonged damage to Team Faerieland's reputation, whatever it may have been, has been far too much considering what it is. Enough is enough.
'Morale has been at an all-time low come Altador Cup time, and whenever possible, the Committee likes to remind everyone that "Faerieland was cheating"'. Queen Fyora revealed the situation and conditions of the deal she struck with the Altador Cup Committee for the thirteenth cup: 'The Altador Cup Committee approached me with a proposal to secure Faerieland the title. 'I negotiated with the Altador Cup Committee a princely sum, a significant portion of my Hidden Tower profits, to discreetly secure Faerieland the Altador Cup victory. 'Unfortunately, the Committee completely botched it and very, very obviously fixed matches in Faerieland's favour.  'The Committee very publicly announced that Faerieland had been cheating throughout the cup, and continue with that narrative today. I had personally threatened them to come forward to King Altador himself with my story, but they threatened back, expressing that they would permanently ban Faerieland's participation from any future Altador Cup proceedings. 'I thought it would raise morale for our home team, and let other lands know Faerieland is still a force to be reckoned with despite our crash down to Neopia, but I realise now my actions were wrong. To make matters worse, we did not even win the cup that year, let alone get a podium finish. Lost Desert has an enormous wealth between the two kingdoms of Sakhmet and Qasala. I suspect they pooled their resources together after being approached by the Committee as I was, and once again, the Committee has botched it, and will once again shift the blame to them as they did to us.  'I suspect Altador himself is aware of this situation, seeing how well his team is going this year, and although Faerieland and Altador have historically had a very close bond, I warn him: If this extortive behaviour from his Altador Cup Committee does not stop next year, I will personally be extending an olive branch to Princess Amira and Prince Jazan to form an alliance, and we will go to war over this.' ------ 1st day of Swimming, Y23 Headline: Altador Cup Committee Releases New Merchandise In Wake Of Corruption Scandal Body: ALTADOR | In an attempt to distract from the ongoing corruption scandal, the Altador Cup Committee has announced they will be releasing a new line of Altador Cup Player Action figures with new hats. The Altador Cup Committee is providing a sneak peek of the prize shop for this year's supporters', a press release released by the Altador Cup Committee earlier today read, 'We are excited to announce the release of a new line of Altador Cup action figures complete with snazzy new hats. The response from the Altador Cup community is divided. 'I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it,' Techo Superfan said, 'I didn't know I needed this in my life, but those hats are so cute!
'As long as The Altador Cup Committee keeps releasing quality merchandise like this, I'll continue to support them no matter what!' However, the leaders of the various nations involved in the Cup were not happy with the announcement. 'With malice aforethought, The Altador Cup Committee is wantonly obfuscating the asseverations of malversation made by Queen Fyora earlier this week,' King Hagan said, 'Brightvale comports with Faerieland to requisition that King Altador intervene.'
King Hagan's brother, and regnant of neighbouring Kingdom Meridell, King Skarl, offered a differing opinion. 'Keek, ah dinnae hae ony idea o' whit mah smartybreeks bro'er say, 'n' ah ne'er will. 'Dem whit Queen Fyora say ur wor'yin', bit Meridell stauns by Altador 'n' 'is Cup Committee.' As he was speaking, an assistant whispered something in his ear and King Skarl abruptly left the press conference. After waiting for a few minutes, a photographer for The Very VERY Stale Bread snapped this picture. [IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO STRONG WORDS FROM KING SKARL'S GUARDS] ---- 5th day of Swimming, Y23 Altador Cup Committee Investigates Themselves; Finds No Wrongdoing ALTADOR | The Altador Cup Committee has revealed they conducted a formal internal investigation into the Committee in the wake of allegations of bribery and corruption made by Queen Fyora last week, and have announced they have found they are completely innocent. This comes after a rare event of solidarity in which the Kingdoms of Brightvale and Darigan Citadel both backed Queen Fyora's claims, and called for King Altador and the Council to intervene. 'We understand there have been allegations of foul play directed at the Committee,' a spokesperson for the Altador Cup Committee said, 'We have launched an independent (from outside) reviewers internal investigation and have definitively concluded that we are not corrupt.
'You should just accept that now Altador are the champions of the cup, as it should be. It's what we deserve after all these years. 'Faerieland are cheaters and always will be, and so are Lost Desert. So...' The representative of the Altador Cup Committee then blew a raspberry and walked off in such a fashion that at least one member of the gathered press fainted in shock. 'This so-called investigation by the Altador Cup Committee is utter tripe!' Lord Darigan announced in a rare public appearance before being interrupted by a distant 'chicanery' echoing from somewhere below the floating citadel.
'Of course, they're going to say they're not corrupt; only an idiot would believe them,' Lord Darigan continued, 'I have no reason to believe Queen Fyora would make such a serious allegation without substantial proof. 'The Altador Cup Committee should be independently investigated by an external source. 'I know too well the effects greed can have on a kingdom. I pray that Altador corrects this before it is too late.' While the Kingdoms of the Lost Desert have remained silent on the issue, a source close to Qasalan Royal Family unveiled some insider information. 'I overheard the King saying that that old coot must be senile if he doesn't see what's happening under his nose,' the source revealed to The Very VERY Stale Bread.  'I do find it a bit suspicious that Lost Desert is being scapegoated in a way like Queen Fyora described, only to make way for Altador to take home the cup.
'It's almost as if the Altador Cup Committee planned this from the get-go. It's a little too coincidental for our liking.'  ----- Disclaimer: The preceding articles were first written and published at The Very VERY Stale Bread during Altador Cup XVI. All articles are written as satire, with comedic intentions in mind. You can keep up with The Very VERY Stale Bread at www.neopets.com/~megawonderful
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