"Icky"

     “Morning, Carl,” the Lupe said as he shuffled into the staff room, stifling a yawn. He selected his own card from the rack on the wall and punched in.

     “Heyyy, man. You look chipper!” Carl ribbed him as he pulled the chains over his head and dropped them into his briefcase. “I heard you took the morning shift. Brutal.” The Quiggle snapped his briefcase closed and saluted his colleague. He paused in the doorway on his way out. “Chomby and the Fungus Balls concert tonight — you going?”

     Dormyrse looked a little sheepish. “Ah, no, I’ve got plans. You have fun though!”

     “Busy guy!” Carl grinned. “Maybe next time. Good luck out there.” He pointed a finger-gun at the Lupe and strolled out the door.

     “Thanks.” Dormyrse gave him a wry smile. “See ya later.” In reality, his plans for tonight were the same plans he had nearly every night: go home, have some dinner, do the daily Roodoku in the Neopian Times, read for a bit, go to bed, and go back to work the next day. He wasn’t opposed to doing other things, but more often than not, his friends’ social schedule revolved around things like parties, concerts, Poogle races, the Battledome, the Altador Cup… He didn’t know how to tell them he hated crowds. The lower-key gatherings were few and far between, and he tended to get a bit lonely in the time between them.

     He sighed, sipped his coffee, took a clipboard under his arm and moseyed over to the huge tree. The Money Tree smiled as he approached; he waved back in greeting. A few Neopets were there picking through the donated items. This was a fairly quiet time of day for the tree. It was a good time to work on his quotas.

     The Ghost Lupe ambled up to a purple Mynci, casually reached into its pocket and pulled out a pawful of Neopoints. The Mynci was too preoccupied with treasure-hunting to have noticed, even if the Lupe were visible. Dormyrse walked back to the staff room and set his coffee on the counter. He poked through the coins in his paw, counting aloud under his breath. “…Four hundred eighty, four hundred ninety, four ninety-six…” he muttered, bracing the clipboard into his belly so he could write down his total. “Lovely.”

     He opened the cash box and poured in his handful of coins. He reached for his coffee… and felt something cold and slimy instead.

     Dormyrse yelped and yanked his paw back as though he’d touched a hot stove. The Neopets at the tree startled at the sound, turning to stare in his direction. “Ghosts,” the Mynci whispered. “Creepy…”

     The Lupe, wide-eyed and furious, stared at the luminescent blob perched on the rim of his coffee mug. He was momentarily paralyzed with disgust, his slimed paw frozen in a shape like a Grarrl’s claw. The blob was a Ghost Goople, and it was licking its lips in delight at the taste of this magical bean juice.

     “You little—!” Dormyrse snatched up a wad of napkins and wiped the ectoplasm off his paw as best he could. He grabbed a second wad of napkins and gingerly sandwiched the Petpet between the two napkin-wads. “Ugh!!” He shuddered at the squishy sensation as he lifted the Goople off his coffee cup. It started to ooze out the bottom of the napkin sandwich. “Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew!!!” The Lupe sprinted back toward the tree in a panic. Just as the Petpet was about to drop out onto his paws, he chucked the napkin sandwich as hard as he could. The Goople sailed through the air and landed among the donated items with a wet splat. It cooed happily at the napkins fluttering down around it.

     “Ugh…” Dormyrse turned and headed back toward the staff lounge to wash up properly, drooping with post-adrenaline exhaustion. This morning was a little more eventful so far than he’d expected. He splashed some water on his face, ruefully poured his tainted coffee down the sink, and went back to work determined to turn his day around.

     For the next hour, he was a model employee. He dutifully logged donations from the Wishing Well and gathered up bags of trash for transportation to the Meridell rubbish dump. He stole a few thousand Neopoints for the tree. He even did a bit of theatrical moaning and chain-rattling in his downtime, for ambience. Dormyrse hummed contentedly as he reviewed the log on his clipboard for clerical errors.

     He was distracted from his calculations by a soft chirp. The Lupe looked around, then down at his feet. The horrible little blob was back. It gazed up at him with big, shining eyes. He glared down at it with revulsion. Dormyrse stomped to the donation pile and picked up an old boot. He stomped back, bent down and scooped the Goople into the boot. He placed the boot back on top of the pile and tied the laces tight with a pretty bow. He admired his handiwork with a smile. He didn’t notice the tree’s disappointed frown.

     Sure enough, within a few minutes, the boot was gone. Dormyrse whistled a little tune while he organized donated items. He pickpocketed a few more pets. He watched, bemused, as someone filled the donation pile with dozens of tiny Neopoint pouches. He materialized and screamed at some pets who tried to take more than their daily allotment of ten items. He watched with satisfaction as they took off running with their tails between their legs. It was days like today that made him proud of his work.

     The Ghost Lupe’s good mood soured as he came upon a mouldy Petpet bed with a glowing blob of ectoplasm nestled in it. “Seriously…?” he sighed. The Goople perked up at the sound of his voice, burbling happily. Dormyrse folded the bed around it like a disgusting taco and put the whole bundle into a soggy cardboard box. He tossed a few plushies into the box to conceal the bed and grinned a Slothy grin. The slimeball was no match for his cleverness.

     The Goople was back within thirty minutes. “Why can’t we get rid of you?” Dormyrse grumbled. He tried putting the Petpet into a toy pirate ship. He tried zipping it into a pencil case. He tried wrapping it into a scroll. He tried hiding it in a bag of Neopoints. Whatever he tried, it was back at the Money Tree within the hour. The tree watched his efforts in silence.

     Finally, the Lupe was out of ideas. His shift was almost over. Dormyrse stood staring at the Goople, paw pressed against his mouth, deep in thought. It oozed over a pile of clothing, leaving a slimy trail, and stopped to nibble on a rotten apple.

     No one wanted it. It was all alone in the world. He’d had a few hours to wrap his head around the sad thought. It was disgusting, but it was still a Petpet. It deserved a better existence than living among the trash and eating mouldy leftovers. What a lonely life, he thought, with a pang in the pit of his stomach. The Goople blinked up at him, chewing on a mouthful of rotten fruit. He let out a long sigh.

     The Lupe turned and walked back to the staff room. He hung his clipboard on the wall, straightened the cash box, picked up his coffee mug. A ghost Kiko clocked in for the afternoon shift. They nodded at each other in greeting as Dormyrse clocked out.

     Dormyrse trudged back to the Money Tree. Scarcely believing what he was doing, he crouched down by the Goople and held out his coffee cup. “Well, come on, Slimy.”

     The Petpet stared at him for a moment, as though it couldn’t quite believe what was happening either. It moved hesitantly toward the Lupe, then oozed into the cup. Dormyrse straightened up and pointed a finger at the Goople in his coffee mug. “Stay,” he said sternly. It stared wide-eyed back at him.

     He started off toward home, holding the cup awkwardly away from his body. “We’re having Negg Lasagna for dinner. You’ll probably enjoy it more than the Money Tree food,” he said. The Goople trilled with joy and bounced up and down in its cup. The Money Tree smiled warmly. Dormyrse couldn’t help smiling too. “By the way… Do you know how to play Kacheekers?”

     He would have to figure out life with his slimy new friend. First things first: he was going to buy a new cup for his coffee.

     The End.