A Sloth's Fan Gift Ideas for Valentines Day

      That’s right readers, this is SlothFan127 signing in once more for this extra special Valentine’s Day edition of the Neopia Central Almost Official Sloth Fan Committee Newsletter. And what an edition it shall be. It’s time to show our love for Doctor Frank Sloth, PhD and at the same time share the joy with the light of your life too. Something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve.

      We are here, in this edition, to talk about sharing passion with each other, whilst also bestowing admiration on the one supreme being that truly matters. And, in modern society, there is but one true way to convey such feelings and emotions to one another. That’s right dear readers, physical purchasable possessions. Stop your handicraft this very second! No one wants a wonky piece of knitting or a card with quilling on the front. The object of your affections will not care for that! (Especially not Suzie from science club, believe me, I’ve tried.) No, nothing screams LOVE like spending cold, hard Neopoints on one another. Embrace the latest trends of buying trivial objects, just the way the terrible Doctor himself would.

      However, one might scream at the top of their lungs, “But, SlothFan127! I have no idea which Sloth related items and memorabilia are best suited for the celebration of Valentine’s Day. Can you help me make a careful decision by way of a curated selection of various goods… along with a description including but not limited to your personal appreciation of the items, their relationship with Doctor Sloth, as well as their overall appeal?” To which I would answer two things. First, stop screaming and catch your breath as that is quite an unbelievable mouthful, and second, but of course, my fellow Sloth admirer. I happen to have exactly the Article for you.

      Which brings us to today’s topic: a selection of perfect Sloth-related gifts for your crush or loved one. Let’s not delay it any further, and jump right in the meat of the matter, with our first option:

      Chocolate Dr Sloth - Now chocolate? That is a true Valentine's Day staple. However, how are you picking the chocolate in question? Do you really believe a silly anatomically incorrect heart will actually make someone’s very much anatomically correct heart soar? I think not! Perhaps a chocolate sculpture of dear Doctor Sloth, carefully crafted (but not hand crafted of course, definitely mass produced) in the Chocolate Factory. That is bound to make eyelids flutter. If you’re going to earn affection then an effigy of the Doctor is just the way to do it. Show them what you’re about!

      Dr. Sloth Heart Plushie - Remember what I said about anatomically incorrect hearts? Yeah forget about all that. If you are going to embrace consumerism, do it the correct way: with a picture of our space conqueror overlord emblazoned directly on a gigantic cartoonish heart cushion. Many Neopets are very partial to plushies, present company included. This lovely item is surely the key to any discerning Neopian’s heart.

      Dr. Sloth Flower Bouquet - Now now, do not let the name deceive you. This item might be called a Flower Bouquet, but it’s not really the flowers that are the focus. When the recipient sees this item, they will instantly be greeted by the ever grinning face of the Doctor himself. The ribbon on top? (I say on top because there is also a ribbon below, but that one is quite literal.) Actually, the emblematic ribbon is the cloak surrounding the whole thing. With wrapping like that, any true Doctor Sloth lover will swoon instantly. And if they don’t, you ask? Why are you even talking to this person!?

      Sloth Gummies - What screams Valentine’s Day more than a handful of gummies, that just happen to be vaguely shaped like the greatest villain of all time? That’s right. Many, many things. But oh my dear Doctor, these are so cute. Have you seen those little red eyes? How do they even get those three little hair-like strands to stay stable and attached on top? How are these gummies even made? Where are these gummies even made? The best part? The taste is… well, no, the taste is actually very normal and average and unspectacular. But the visuals are great. Anyone would love this. I would love this. Are you taking notes?

      Dr Sloth Collectables - Some of you, dear readers, will I’m sure gravitate more towards the more erudite of your peers. This is therefore the ideal gift for them. Books make you more intelligent, this is a fact. Books about Doctor Sloth make you wise, this is the truth. So it stands to reason that books about Doctor Sloth and his collectables and memorabilia are potentially one of the best gifts on the Neopian market. Can you even imagine? Reading about Doctor Sloth themed items, with page after page of comments and descriptions about objects themed around the terrible mighty Doctor. What kind of person reads something like that?

     Dear readers, you tell me. You. Tell. Me.

      Dr Sloth Sling - Maybe the target of your affection is less into food and reading. Maybe your taste is more questionable, and they like something more practical. Like fashion. Now, have I been called unfashionable one, or twice, or even twelve times? Perhaps more... Well, yes I have.

     That’s not entirely the point, actually.

     Either way, this absolutely lovely bag has great material, a fringe, and a fantastic pattern sure to make anyone swoon. You can trust me. I think. At least with something like this over their shoulder, your crush will have somewhere to keep a handful of Sloth Gummies for you.

      Return of Dr. Sloth Valentine Card Set - I’m sure many of you not only have great taste, but amazing creative prowess as well. Well then, this is just the item for you. This array of 3 cards, perfect for fellow Neopian Lee’s gallery actually… will give you the perfect space to write your very own ode to the Doctor. Paired with wonderful graphics commemorating the return of the mightiest Doctor of them all, your words are sure to touch any who set their eyes on them. Is your loved one still unconvinced about the supremacy of Doctor Frank Sloth? This is your chance to change that. Get writing, dear readers, and be inspired. It’s your turn to spread the word!

      And that, my friends, is a wrap at last. Just in time for you to pick one of the above treasures and wrap it up for your love. I genuinely hope you all have a great time this upcoming Valentine’s Day, and, thanks to our help, great success with wooing as well. I’m certain that any reader of our illustrious publication won’t require too much assistance, yet perhaps I have given you the little push you needed to make this day a day to remember.

     Impress your crush, your family, and your friends - get them ready for the total, absolute domination of our future great space master, wherever he might be right now. Show your love with the one true thing that matters.

     Loyalty.

     To Doctor Frank Sloth.

     This, once more, has been SlothFan127. Signing off.