Exclusive: Captain Threelegs Unveiled

Me: Well Scatch, we've arrived at Krawk Island. Time to get rolling! Let's head for The Swashbuckling Academy!

Scatch: Aye aye Cap'n! *bites a dubloon* Phooey!

Me: Cut it out Scatch, we're supposed to be snooping, not letting everybody find out about our presence!

Scatch: Oops...

*Scatch and I reach the Academy without incident, unless you count Scatch's now sore mouth and loose tooth!*

Me: Okay Scatch, this is the big thing! We're going to be famous!

Scatch: Wow! Famous... Wait a second... how are we going to do that?

Me: (exasperated) Shut it Scatch! Why did I have to get stuck with you of all Neopians, a wacky Blumaroo who thinks that dubloons are food, and has naught for brains?

Scatch: Wacky... hey! That rhymes with Quacky! You're just lucky, I guess!

Me: Oh brother! Let's just get this over with, so I can get away from you!

Scatch: Oh, I can tell already, we're going to be partners for life!

Me: Anything but that! Oy, I bet that even Threelegs would agree that this is worse than walking the plank! HE wasn't stuck with a nutty Blumaroo!

Scatch: Hmm, I wonder if they have almond or peanut flavored dubloons?

Me: Gah! Dubloons are NOT food Scatch! How many times do I have to tell you?

Scatch: Huh? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, could you repeat that?

Me: Ugh! Oh nevermind... Come on, the Swashbuckling Academy is straight ahead! Hurry up!

*we approach the massive building, and enter, finding ourselves face to face (beak?) with Cap'n Threelegs himself*

Threelegs: Arrr! What ye be doing here, aye mate?

Me: Erm...

Scatch: Well, uh...

Threelegs: (annoyed) Ye be wasting my time, lads, do ye got dubloons for training or not?

Me: Actually Mister Threelegs-

Threelegs: That's Cap'n Threelegs to ye, or ye'll be swabbing the deck matey!

Scatch: *laughs at me:

Threelegs: Aye, ye too lad! Batten ye hatches, or ye might find me to be teaching ye a lesson that ye wont likely forget!

Me and Scatch: *gulp*

Me: Sorry Mist- I mean Cap'n! Now, as I was saying we're very interested in you, and we wondered if you could tell us a little bit about you?

Threelegs: Argh, ye're a plague, ye young Neopians! Well, I see that ye wont be leaving without something, so I'll say a bit, then ye leave, aye?

Me and Scatch: Aye Cap'n!

Threelegs: Ah, now ye're talking sense maties! Ask yer questions and be gone with ye!

Me: All right then... What is your favorite color?

Threelegs: Well Gold of course! Loot and dubloons be the only colors important to me!

Scatch: Dubloons... aren't those a type of dessert?

Me: Shush Scatch! Erm, he was just joking!

Threelegs: Ye better be lad, or I'll be slashing ye maroon!

Scatch: I wasn't joking!

Me: *elbows Scatch* Um, Scatch has a bad sense of humor!

Scatch: Ow!

Threelegs: (suspiciously) Really, eh?

Me: Anyways, What's yer saying Cap'n?

Threelegs: Argg, shiftless waisters! Either shape up or I'll have ye walkin' the plank!

Me: *gulp* Lets move on then... tell us a little about your life!

Threelegs: Aye, ye be nosy, for sure! Argg, fine! I was the finest pirate on the high seas, but I gave up my plundering, and sailing for life here on Krawk Island. Aye, those were the good old days!

Scatch: Wait, wouldn't they punish you, for being a pirate and everything?

Threelegs: Aye Sonny, they'd have, but I accepted a job here at the academy, for them to pardon me of all my pirating days! Aye, now I'm left only with buccaneers like ye, hopeless though ye are, hoping ye might be true seamen someday.

Me: Everybody's curious, including me, on how you lost your leg Cap'n.

Threelegs: Ye wont be hearing about that from me, ye seasick landlubbers!

Me: *Flip Captain Threelegs a dubloon to make him more apt to explain*

Threelegs: Aye, ye be stubborn , ye are for sure! Eh, but dubloons are worth it, so sit tight and listen!

Me and Scatch: Aye Aye Cap'n!

Threelegs: Long ago, when I was still a plunderer, an old buddy of mine told me of the treasure buried here on this island. I sneaked the map from him, and followed it to an abandoned cave. Now, I saw light, and I was sure that I'd found the loot! I came through a hole, and there was the biggest Krawk ye ever saw! He was a massive beast, but I wasn't some fresh waister! I fought, and then I used an old trick, that worked with an old coat, and tried to swing a punch at the monster. Somehow, the old Krawk got my punch IN his mouth, and he took me fore arm off, then and there! I somehow managed to escape with me life, and only me arm gone! Aye, now that be me story of me leg!

Scatch: Hmmm, well Captain, there's a rumor goin' round that you lost it in a freak accident... a Tombola accident; yer just to shamed to admit the truth! What d'you say to that?

Threelegs: (roars) Argg, ye'll be walkin' the plank tonight! Ye and the cowards who said that!

Me: Scatch! Now you've done it! Let's get out of here!

Scatch: Righto! Thanks so much Captain Threelegs! We've got to... er... earn some dubloons now, bye!

*We run away, and set sail for Neopia Central*

Me: Wow, we're sure to strike gold with this one!

Scotch: Strike gold! Ha ha, like dubloons!

Me: Oh great, don't even start!

Scatch: Ha ha! Lets go buy some dubloons Wolfie, I'm really hungry!

Me: *groan* How many times do I have to tell you...

Scatch: Hey look, under the water! It's Maraqua! Ooh, I bet there's lots of treasure there! *dives into water*

Me: No! You still have the notes with you! They'll be ruined!

Scatch: *pokes head above water guiltily, and takes out sopping wet scrap of paper* Oops... too late!

Me: Well, I guess that Cap'n Threelegs be happy... oh bah! I'm sending in the story anyways!

And that is the story of our adventures in Krawk Island, reporting to you for the Neopian Times, I'm Wolfie, reporter exclusive! Arrr!