An Interview with the Altador Cup Prize Shopkeeper

Kuszemi: Hello all! Now that the curtain for AC has fallen, we’re here at the Altador Cup Prize Shop to reap the fruit of our hard work, so to speak. Mystery Island took the biscuit this year, closely followed by Tyrannia, then Kiko Lake, whilst Haunted Woods came last for the second year in a row, despite my pal Mortigan’s spirited if sometimes hapless defence. As a completely impartial journalist for the Neopian Times, I didn’t participate at all, and I’m here now to interview the Altador Cup Prize Shopkeeper, who will be telling us a bit about the AC XI prizes today.

(Kuszemi turns to the AC Prize Shopkeeper, who is a slightly sanctimonious-looking pink Kyrii with a stylish quiff and smart, sharply creased robes.)

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Greetings! The effort you put into supporting your Altador Cup team not only helped to improve their standing in the tournament, but it also earned you prize points for use at the tourney's Prize Shop. Now that the Altador Cup has come to a close, it's time for you to have a look around and decide how you want to spend those hard-earned prize points. Yay!

Kuszemi: Hi, I’m Kuszemi from the Neopian Times.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: I know you are. I signed your papers.

Kuszemi: Yes, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I was wondering if you could walk us through the prizes for this year. That’s quite an impressive collection you have there.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Isn’t it, though? That’s what I keep telling everyone. So will you be taking any of these home with you?

Kuszemi: No, I’m just the messenger. So, about the prizes.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: I think I heard you mention Mortigan. Team Haunted Woods, isn’t he? Dreadful, dreadful performance. (moves around to one of the stalls at the back) I’d recommend he get one of these. (brandishes a Yooyu Salt Lamp)

Kuszemi: (sincerely nonplussed) What would Mortigan want that for?

AC Prize Shopkeeper: (with a cackle) Well, all that salt from coming bottom of the league table for two years in a row has to go somewhere, if you catch my drift?

Kuszemi: (frowns for a second, then rolls his eyes) Oh. Ah. I see. Very funny, that. Say, aren’t you supposed to be impartial, as the AC Prize Shopkeeper?

AC Prize Shopkeeper: (still snickering) Even you have to admit that they performed shockingly.

Kuszemi: Whatever you say. (jumps back in fright as he sees the Yooyu Cactus) Oh, goodness gracious! What in the name of Coltzan is that?

AC Prize Shopkeeper: (picks up the Yooyu Cactus and flaps it at Kuszemi, who edges away warily.) This cute little fellow? Nice, isn’t he?

Kuszemi: If you want to be scared witless, then yes. (picks up the Yooyu Knuckle Duster) See, this is so much cuter!

(The Yooyu Knuckle Duster scrunches up its face in an angry snarl and smashes Kuszemi with a golden starburst, flooring him.)

Kuszemi: OW!

AC Prize Shopkeeper: (grins in a not entirely friendly way) Lethal little fellow, though you wouldn’t know it to look at him. Packs a hefty 14-icon attack, and is the new favourite of Battledome players. Quite affordable too at 180 points.

Kuszemi: (is still shaking his head, trying to clear his vision) Yeah, I can see that. These things should come with a warning.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: You might find this more to your liking. (scoops up a Water Yooyu and puts it in Kuszemi’s lap. The Water Yooyu coos at Kuszemi.)

Kuszemi: Awwh! He’s not going to squirt me though, is he?

AC Prize Shopkeeper: That’s the last thing he’s going to do.

(The Water Yooyu bounces happily on Kuszemi’s lap, and the latter plays with it absentmindedly for several moments whilst the AC Prize Shopkeeper moves around the shop, straightening his prizes.)

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Are we feeling better, then?

Kuszemi: Yes, we are.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Here, have a cookie. (proffers a plate of Altador Cup Cookies to Kuszemi, who takes one.)

Kuszemi: Tasty.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: 10 points a plate. Though no need to worry, this one’s on the house.

Kuszemi: This is quite nice of you.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Well, what can I say, I’m a nice Kyrii.

Kuszemi: (gestures at the shelf of wearables) That’s a very impressive collection of clothes.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Yes, we’ve got the whole outfit here. Backgrounds, dresses, armour, rackets even, you name it we have it.

Kuszemi: And the armour comes in all 18 styles, I see.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Yes they do! Very affordable they are too, at only 30 points each.

Kuszemi: Do we have a stamp this year like we did for last year, then?

AC Prize Shopkeeper: As a matter of fact we do. (picks up a Altador Cup XI Commemorative Stamp and hands it to Kuszemi) 3000 points apiece.

Kuszemi: (looks slightly astonished) Well that’s a bit expensive. I remember them being considerably cheaper last year.

(The Water Yooyu clambers onto Kuszemi’s ruff.)

Kuszemi: Yowch! My dear Yooyu - I don’t mind you getting my clothes wet, but I spend an average of 4 hours on shampooing and conditioning my ruff every day, so I would really appreciate it if -

AC Prize Shopkeeper: Here, allow me. (plucks the Water Yooyu from Kuszemi and neatly sets it down in a nearby crate, and hands Kuszemi a Tissue Dispenser Book.) You can dry yourself up with that.

Kuszemi: Sorry, I think I’m going to need a lot of tissues.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: That can be arranged. (grabs an armful of Tissue Dispenser Books and deposits them in front of Kuszemi.) Knock yourself out. They only cost 25 points a box anyway.

Kuszemi: Um, thank you. By the way, do you happen to know what time it is? I forgot to bring my watch with me.

AC Prize Shopkeeper: (looks at the Yooyu Clock sitting snugly on his mantelpiece) Well, it’s -

(He is interrupted by the sound of his door crashing open. The NC Mall Altador Cup Shopkeeper is standing there, looking deeply unamused.)

NC Mall Altador Cup Shopkeeper: Oi, you overgrown Kyrii! If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times - stop parking in my space!

AC Prize Shopkeeper: (straightens up slowly, picking up several Yooyu Knuckle Dusters) Or what?

NC Mall Altador Cup Shopkeeper: Or this!

(He brandishes a Shining Sun Staff, which releases a powerful surge of dazzling light. The AC Prize Shopkeeper immediately retaliates with the Yooyu Knuckle Dusters, which emit twin starbursts. Kuszemi hurriedly scrambles for cover as the two Shopkeepers duel intently, the air cracking static)

Kuszemi: And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our interview for the day. Charming - um - prizes to be had at the Altador Cup Prize Shop, even if some of them are a bit dangerous, or wet, or both. Remember to redeem your prize points! The Shop is open all year round, 24-7. This is Kuszemi for the Neopian Times, live in Altador.