A Gentleman's Diary

     Every day as I sip at my morning cup of milk tea, I ask myself, "What did I ever do wrong to deserve being surrounded by such insanity and lack of refinement?"

     I'm a Baby Gelert of integrity, grace, intelligence, and elegance. My motto is, "When in doubt, pinky out." I can distinguish between types of tea based on taste alone, and Gourmet Food is the only food suited to my sensitive palate.

     In short, I am a pup of high society. Balls and tea parties are a regular part of my social calendar.

     So being adopted into this bizarre family of five was quite the shock. At first I thought that I'd been adopted by the perfect family. My sisters and mother were very kind to me and were at my beck and call. They did everything they could to make me comfortable. My mum even bought me a top hat, tuxedo, monocle and moustache, just as I had requested of her. I was quite pleased with my overall appearance and was confident that I would be quite the hit at any future parties I would attend.

     Therefore I was completely confused when one week after my adoption everything began to change. It was only then that I discovered the true faces of my family. From beneath the mask of normal emerged a host of characters who I still have yet to fully understand.

     Gryffony is the epitome of insanity. She's actually quite intelligent, but if you look up idiosyncrasy in the dictionary, rather than a definition, you'll find Gryff's picture.

      Instead of allowing me to awaken each morning with an alarm like a normal Neopet, she bounds into my room, flops herself onto my bed, and whines, "I'm booooooored."

     What can I possibly do to resolve such a dilemma? She knows that I can't think straight before I've had my tea and scones in the morning! Besides, she's told me on multiple occasions that I'm more boring than watching paint dry. At first I was quite offended, but then I came to realize that she is simply unable to understand my depth of character.

     When she's not drawing on the walls, she's bouncing off of them. She's always off on some adventure, dragging anyone who can be convinced to accompany her through mud puddles in hopes of obtaining imaginary treasure that some random speck on the wall has beckoned her to find.

     Last week she dragged poor Adenora along with her on her latest quest. While I'm sure she meant no harm, their "outing" left poor Adee traumatized. While Adee didn't say much, she did mumble the words "prisoners" and "Darigan Citadel." She couldn't sleep for days afterwards. Mum was quite furious with Gryffony and grounded her. Then Mum remembered that Gryffony is an Eyrie and can therefore, fly, and that perhaps "grounding" her was not the best, let alone even a possible, punishment.

     Another day, Gryffony claimed she and her constant petpet companion Osiris the Anubis had been to Jelly World, and that the free jelly had been delicious. Everyone knows that Jelly World is a myth and that it doesn't exist. When I told her so, she said she had proof that it did and pulled the nastiest jelly I have ever laid eyes upon from her pocket. It was orange and completely filled with lint. She said it was called Lint Jelly and then proceeded to take a bite out of it. It was absolutely horrifying.

     At least my older sister Lombus is crafty. I may find her rather immature, but she is a master manipulator. If she asks Mum for something, chances are it will be in her hands within the hour. As a puppy, I thought I was the king of "sad puppy eyes." Then I met Lombus. If a seemingly terrified Baby Kougra gazes deeply into your eyes while entreating you to loan her Neopoints so that she can get home, be warned. She is probably two blocks from her house and is going to pocket those Neopoints the moment you look away.

     Lombus has actually been banned from the Soup Kitchen. After going there every day for three weeks to get soup without actually eating it, the Soup Fairy began to have her doubts. Lombus always took it home, claiming she was saving it for her poor, starving siblings. The Soup Faerie, who has an incredibly kind heart, believed Lombus for a time. Besides, how could such an innocent and adorable looking pet do any wrong?

     It turned out that Lombus was taking the soup and selling it for a fairly large profit, convincing gullible customers that it was a new gourmet soup that she had managed to get her hands on although it had yet to be officially announced.

     I'm quite sure that she has a brilliant future as a con artist. The other day I caught her talking to Honest Pete about his so-called "business practices." Mum would have been horrified had she known, but then Lombus reminded me of a certain unflattering photograph of me that she has in her possession, and so the secret remained safe with me.

     Adenora is another story completely. Of all of my siblings, I thought we would get along best. I was tickled pink when Mum told me that she was adopting a bookworm! She's polite and very well-read, quite the delicate young lady. As of late, she practically lives at the bookstore. So I found myself quite cheered by the idea of having great literary discussions with her. Finally, I would have a sibling who shared my taste for fine literature, and perhaps if I was lucky, tea as well. I imagined us delving deep into The Complete History of Wockies and analyzing prevalent themes found in The Life of a Double Crosser. We could discuss the merits of being a Seeker and our shared fondness of our hero Professor Lambert!

     The day Mum brought her home, I was teeming with excitement, ready to depart into a new world with my dearest companion. Instead, I found a Cybunny with large glasses hiding behind Mum's legs. I decided to appeal to her sense of elegance by greeting her with a calm and collected, "Salutations."

     Adenora's eyes grew as wide as dinner plates and she became short of breath. She had barely stuttered out a "Hello" before she had scampered off and hid in her bedroom.

     Flabbergasted cannot possibly convey my surprise at her reaction. How dare she show such an enormous lack of common courtesy?

     Of course, Adee has grown less shy with the passage of time, but I have yet to share with her the stimulating academic discussions of which I dreamed prior to her arrival and she still speaks mostly in a whisper. She spends most of her time holed up in her room reading or sighing and looking at a picture of a Gelert named Tartyne. I asked Mum what was so special about this guy that made him better than me, but she merely answered that she'd tell me when I'm older.

     What does being older have anything to do with it? I'm already a genius! What does she take me for, a baby?

     I simply cannot believe that of all the families in Neopia, I was chosen by this one! Why could I not have been adopted by a family of artists or professors? Is there no family in Neopia better-suited to my sophisticated and refined tastes?

     I wonder if it is possible to put myself in the pound.

      How long it will be until I myself descend into the throes of madness?

     Yours faithfully,

     Albeon

The End