 Von Roo's Tale
by chat_adik
--------
Also by akeyz
“Ha ha ha! I won, as planned! You fool!” Count Von Roo said imperiously, baring his fangs at the baby Acara.
The Acara burst into tears and ran to her sitter, a Darigan Draik. The Draik, upon seeing her reaction, glared at Count Von Roo.
Von Roo shrugged. “What can I do? She lost, I won. That is how the game is played. You knew what would happen when you play. Now,” he said, “it is getting late. Leave my home at once- or you shall suffer the consequences!”
“What consequences?” the Draik asked, going near the caped Blumaroo.
Von Roo bared his fangs. “This!” he said, hissing. ~*~
“This is the dumbest thing I have ever read,” Von Roo said, throwing the draft.
“What is wrong with it?” Amelia the Aisha asked. “This is how Neopia portrays you. Give them what they want.”
“How,” Von Roo asked, “can this be my life story? I don’t even speak that way!” He mimicked, “'Leave my home at once--or you shall suffer the consequences?' That is absurd. The entire Neopian world would die laughing reading this drivel.”
The Aisha glared disdainfully. “This is your story. I was paid to do this. You signed a contract, remember?”
Von Roo glared back. “I do remember. I wish, though, that the agency would send someone more...,” he trailed off.
“More what? I am the best there is. No one is better than me. Everyone looks up to me. How dare you say that I am inferior? Do you know what Fyora said when her book came out? She said that-”
“You are rambling,” the count pointed out. “I do not wish to hear you talk nonsense.”
When the writer merely gaped at him, Von Roo continued, “I have been treated horribly, and wish to redeem myself to the citizens of Neopia. I wish to befriend them, not to scare them. I know that I have been evil, but I wish to change my ways. I will be nice to them.”
“Now who’s rambling?” Amelia said under her breath.
“I heard that!” Von Roo said, and sighed. “I guess I must start being nice to you, too. Oooh!” he said, looking out the window. “There are little creatures outside my home. I shall greet them and invite them into my humble abode.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you!” Amelia shouted at his retreating back. He merely ignored her.
“OUCH! HOW DARE YOU LI... LITTLE MONSTERS ATTACK ME! I AM COUNT VON ROO!”
As soon as he entered the house, Amelia burst out laughing.
He glowered. “What is wrong with those... those things? I was merely extending an invitation, and they bit me!”
She shrugged. “I warned you, didn’t I? Those pink petpets are called meepits. They may look innocent, but they are really evil creatures. Like you,” she added. “But you don’t look innocent at all- you look like, well, Count Von Roo. Now, are you sure you want to change your image?”
“Yes,” he said determinedly. “I will not give up just because of a minor setback. I have achieved greater things than that, and I was only half-trying. I shall devote all my time into undoing my wrongs.”
“What about your book?”
“You can follow me and write my journey to redeem myself. I am sure that would be a great story. I am Count Von Roo, after all.”
Amelia considered it for a moment. She nodded. “It’s a good idea, but we have to get their approval first. I think they’ll approve, though- who has heard of an evil villain willing to turn a new leaf?”
Von Roo scowled. “I am not evil- I am merely not good.”
Amelia snorted. “And I’m the tooth faerie.” Clearing her throat, she said, “So, let’s assume that it was approved; where would we go first?”
“How about Meridell? Is the blue, fat king still there?” When the Aisha nodded, he said, “Great! We can begin there. I’ll have him wrapped around my finger.” ~*~
“I can’t believe it,” the Blumaroo said incredulously. “Why wasn’t I permitted to enter the castle?”
“It’s because of what you did during the time when-”
“I know what I did.” Von Roo cut her off. “But that was so long ago. You’d think that he’d forgive and forget.”
Amelia answered, “Well, he is called the grumpy old king for a reason, you know.”
Von Roo scowled. “Yeah. He’s old. You’d think he’d be forgetful.”
“Um,” Amelia began, “you are old, too, you know.”
“At least I don’t look old,” Von Roo retorted. “He, on the other hand, is-”
“Count Von Roo and Amelia the Aisha,” the page announced. “The king will see you.”
Both of them exchanged looks.
“Did you do anything?” Amelia asked. “I thought that he didn’t want to see us.”
“No, I did not,” Von Roo replied. “But he wants to see us now, so let’s not waste any more time.”
And with that, they both went to see the king.
“BBBUUUUURRRPPP!” A loud grumbling followed trays upon trays of leftovers leaving the hall. Von Roo entered the hall. Amelia sniggered. “No wonder, the King just had his lunch.”
“Oye there! I haven’t got all day; spill it!” King Skarl bellowed, rubbing his bulging belly while nibbling a toothpick.
“What?! What is this? I asked for an appointment to redeem my look as a-” Von Roo stammered.
“The joke! The joke! You must give him a ruddy joke!” Amelia cried in disbelief. “Don’t you know how things go in here? Now get over with some silliness or we’re going to lose our heads, literally.”
“Ok, ok, now here we go...”
King Skarl listens as you tell your joke... Q: What do you do if fierce Peophins has eaten too much tin of olives? A: You offering a tin of what what what!
An unbearable silence filled the hall. All were hushed up. It was a very common joke, after all.
“Didn’t that Korbat get butchered with the same joke before the king had his lunch?”
“Oh no, the king will be soo angry now.”
“What? That joke again? What’s wrong with that guy?”
“Mommy, I’m scared...”
All eyes were now on the King, impervious to the crowd, as they all waited for the King’s reaction.
Von Roo and Amelia looking confuzzled, bewildered at what would happen next...
You've done it! King Skarl is in hysterics! King Skarl Says: *hehehehehe* That was a really great joke! I give it a 757 out of 1000. You're brilliant! You must take this gift from me: King Skarl hands you: Golden Stalk Stale Bread He also gives you 522 Neopoints! ~*~
“What? What nonsense is this? What will I do with a stale bread and a golden stalk? And what am I- a beggar for him to give me this measly neopoints? I am COUNT Von Roo! Let me get back and sink my fangs at that King!” Von Roo said angrily.
“C’mon,” Amelia said. “It could have been worse! Did you see the Shoyru behind us? King Skarl was so angry he tossed them out of the castle.”
“But then going here was such a waste of time!” The count was pacing furiously. “Let’s go someplace with much more grandeur than this filthy place...”
“Where?” Von Roo replied, “How about Faerieland?”
“Are you kidding?” Amelia scoffed. “I don’t think Queen Fyora would let you set foot in Faerieland.”
“Why not,” he said, frowning. “We’re friends, you know.”
Amelia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s why she ignored you during the Faerie Festival last year.”
Von Roo narrowed his eyes. “I just played a trick on her! How did you know that? Only a limited few are invited.”
The Aisha merely smiled. “I don’t reveal my secrets.”
He snorted. “Oh, that is so corny. Why did the agency send someone like... you?” Before Amelia could reply, he said, “How about Krawk Island then? I haven’t been there for years. I wonder if it’s still the same.”
~*~
“It’s still the same,” he commented. “Cap’n Threelegs’s still there. I thought that he would be out of business years ago. Now, where should we start?”
Amelia shrugged. “Well, how about the academy, then?”
“Not there.” “Why not? You know him, after all.” He said sheepishly, “I, um, played a trick on him too.” “What? How juvenile. You know, you’re not a kid- you are a mature Neopian.”
He scowled. “What’s wrong with acting like a kid once in a while?”
“Nothing’s wrong with that,” she answered. “But come on, how many pranks have you played on people? And you want them to like you? A lost cause.”
“Fine,” he said, “I won’t play tricks anymore. If I can help it,” he added. “Now, how about Smuggler’s Cove? I don’t think I’ve been there before.” “Got dubloons?” “No, do I need them? I’m just going to talk to them, anyway.” “They have a policy- it’s called: no money, no service.”
He grumbled, “What is happening to Neopia nowadays?” But he went on and exchanged his neopoints for dubloons, complaining all the way.
“Happy now?” he asked, once he got the dubloons.
“Ecstatic,” Amelia deadpanned, walking towards the cove.
“Are you trying to get us into trouble?” a pirate bruce asked once they entered, “Visiting the Smugglers Cove too much is a bad idea... you don't want to attract attention to our... activities, do you?”
“I merely want us to be friends,” Von Roo blurted out. ~*~
“You could have made small talk before you said that! Look what happened; we got kicked out- again.”
“You have enough material to do my biography anyways. Just... skip the bad parts.”
She laughed. “Then there won’t be a book.”
Von Roo glared at her. “Just do it, and send me the draft once you’re done.”
“All right already,” she said. “Sheesh, you are so uptight. But don’t blame me if nobody reads the book.”
“Of course they’ll read it,” he said, “and after reading it, they will see my true color.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” ~*~
After a few weeks, the draft was sent to Count Voo Roo. As he had instructed, Amelia had taken out the embarrassing parts. He liked what he read. “I like it,” he said, as soon as he saw her. “Great! Then we’ll iron out the kinks and publish it. Like the contract says, you’ll-”
He cut her off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now publish it already. I can’t wait.” ~*~
After a few months, the book was published. It was entitled: Von Roo: The Real Me. It became a bestseller. However, instead of being in the non-fiction part, it was placed in the fiction section.
“Oh well,” Amelia said brightly, once Von Roo confronted her, “it is a bestseller, anyway.”
The End
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