The Case of the Angry Archivist

     Time: Is it always dusk here?

     Chesterdrawers: Greetings! I’m Alabaster Chesterdrawers, and I can guarantee you won’t find any finer antiques than right here at Chesterdrawers’ Antiques! What can I help you with?

     Winston: Prigpants and Swolthy said you’d be the guy to see about anything old and mysterious. What do you know about the thing that was found in the center of the Geraptiku ruins?!

     Chesterdrawers: Oh my! You did come to the right place. Was this ‘thing’, as you put it, a ruby of unusual size? Perhaps larger than yourself or your skeptical Vandagyre companion?

     Winston: That sounds about right, for the thing we’re looking for anyway. How’d you know?

     Chesterdrawers: Oh dear, oh dear…if it’s missing then it’s worse than I feared. The relic you seek is an ancient one indeed! Older than any records. There are no mentions of when it was made or why, only how it was used. It grants its owner an incredible power at an unspeakable cost, often more than its would-be wielder was prepared to pay. It’s terribly unstable as well and is the cause of many of Neopia’s seismic events. If it has fallen into the wrong hands…You must find it at once!

     Winston: That is what everyone keeps telling us… -Outside the store.- Okay. Apparently, what we’re looking for isn’t just some dusty museum exhibit; it’s actually some kind of unstable, magical, end-of-the-world liability? Great. No pressure, right?

     Detective Chicken: …bah…

     Winston: Well, ‘magical’ and ‘unstable’ seems to eliminate Keynes from suspicion. What would an inventor do with something so unreliable and unpredictable? That just leaves Lady Branscilla, Ella Manner, and Gilda Glenworth. I guess we’re already in Neovia, so we might as well start with Lady Branscilla. Her sheet mentions a friendship with a Baffington and Tippens. Maybe they can tell us if she’s been up to anything shady and mystical.

     Scene: Haunted Woods

     Time: Still seemingly night

     Tippens: Welcome to the Spooky Shindig Society! Would you prefer to start with the Aggressive Casserole or the Spider Licorice? Perhaps an Eyeball Slushie to wash it all down?

     Winston: …maybe later? Right now I have some questions. What do you know about Lady Brancilla?

     Tippens: Lady Branscilla is one of our most generous members. Why, if it wasn’t for her, surely our first eating contest would have ruined us entirely! I don’t have a single bad word to say about her!

     Winston: Hm…I could have guessed she was into the spookier side of life by just looking at her. How about you tell me something I don’t already know?

     Baffington: Oh, Lady Branscilla isn’t just “into spooky things, she’s the real deal! She’s even had lessons from Edna and everyone knows Edna doesn’t help just anyone.

     Winston: Hm…Edna the witch? That sounds like a lead to me… -Dodges more spooky food offers and makes his way to Edna’s Tower.-

     Edna: Welcome to my home…I deal in magic spells and potions. I’m searching for the missing ingredients for my latest spell…eheheheh. If you find them for me, I will reward you with a treat. Interested?

     Winston: We don’t have time for that! What will this leftover Gummy Rat Stew get us?

     Edna: Ooooo, how did you know exactly what I needed before I knew myself? Do you possess your own gifts in need of training?

     Winston: Actually, we came to ask about another student of yours, a Lady Branscilla.

     Edna: Oh yes…Her…She came to me with an interest in the preservation and maintenance of ancient mystical items. I turned her away, of course. But she was very persistent and I hate persistence! So I taught her what I needed to in order to make her leave. She was a quick study at least. For that I am thankful.

     Winston: (Hm…a sudden interest in ancient mystical items…That’s suspicious enough to keep her on the list!)

     Scene: Glenworth Estate

     Time: Actually night

     Detective Chicken: Gahk!

     Winston: I know, I don’t like it either, but this Glenworth doesn’t seem to have any friends and we can’t exactly trust those twins to tell us anything useful. Just keep your beak shut and we’ll make it out of here before anyone notices us.

     Detective Chicken: -Struts away in a self-righteous huff.-

     Winston: Whatever, buddy. I guess I’ll start in the ‘M’s’ for magical? Or maybe the ‘A’s’ for artifact? That is what that stuffy old bird called it… -A door creaks open and a sliver of light stretches into the room followed by the fluttering of feathers. Detective Chicken hurries towards an open window. Winston scurries after him.- What happened?! What did you do?! What…do you have there?

     Detective Chicken: -Drops a book which falls open.-

     Winston: ‘Heroes, Legends, and Power’, huh? And look at all these notes around this story about a king with a magical crown. What you have here is evidence, buddy. Good work!

     Scene: Just outside Faerieland

     Time: Midday

     Winston: (I know it’s the last of our advance, but that last caper was enough excitement for me. We’re doing this one legal.)

     Ella: Your booking said you needed a tour around my plane before we set off? You know it’s my home, right? Eh, what harm could it do? I mean, it’s not every day I get chartered for a round trip around the whole of Neopia. And paid up front. Whatever you weirdos want, I guess. This here is the cockpit…

     Detective Chicken: -Rushes over to the controls and starts pecking random buttons while Winston sneaks away to inspect the plane without supervision.-

     Ella: -After a solid half hour of wrestling Detective Chicken away from various controls…- Get out of here, both of you! And if you think you’re getting your fare back, you’re loonier than an ice vendor on Terror Mountain!

     Winston: -Outside the plane.- Well, that was an expensive trip three feet to the left, but at least I got a good look at her cargo hold. There was hardly anything in there to strap down a sofa, much less to keep something unstable from shaking the world apart. With the pilot off our list, only Branscilla and Glenworth are still under suspicion. Both had some sort of recent interest in magical items and both had the time and the help to pull off the heist. We’ve questioned acquaintances and even searched a home. What’s left for us to investigate?

     Detective Chicken: Bahgack…

     Winston: No, I don’t think asking them nicely to confess is going to work! We need a new angle. Some kind of different… What is that?! -A bright red light suddenly shoots up over the tops of the still-ruined turrets of Faerieland and pierces the clouds above.-

     Detective Chicken: Gah!

     Winston: Yes, I do think that might be a clue. Now come on!

     Scene: North of Faerieland

     Time: Evening

     Winston: I thought this route looked familiar, this is the Glenworth Estate! And we’re also pretty close to where the heist took place… Of course, how did I not see it earlier?! It had to have been Gilda! Who else could have hidden the thing away before anyone saw it? Now we just have to tell the archivist and… -The ground starts to shake and whole trees come out of the ground before disappearing into the red light.-

     Detective Chicken: GACK!

     Winston: Fine, we’ll deal with the megalomaniac before we close the case...

     Gilda: Hahahahah! Everyone will have to play by my rules now! Everything I see will be mine and everything that’s mine will glitter like rubies! No more parents, no more husbands, no more Neopets to tell me no anymore! Now I’m in control and you will all worship me! For love or for fear of me is the only thing still up to you!! Hahahahaha!!! -When she points, a ruby light shoots out and zaps anything in its way.- Hahahahah!!! That’s mine and that’s mine and that’s mine, too! Hahahah…YOU WILL BOW!!

     Lady Branscilla: Yes, I was afraid this would happen. Thankfully, the final shipment came in last night, so I am prepared for this very contingency.

     Winston: Lady Branscilla? So that training with the Haunted Woods witch was about this thing after all? Hey, we weren’t barking up the wrong tree after all, buddy.

     Lady Branscilla: Yes, very good, detectives, you have caught me. Be that as it may, we have precious little time for celebration. As you surely know, that is an artifact of immense power and even greater cost. I fear when it finally asks its due, the child’s tantrum will tear Neopia apart. I have everything I need for the ritual that will safely seal away the artifact’s power once again. However, it will take some time to complete. I will need the child distracted while I work my spell. Perhaps you two are up for the task?

     Winston: Well, buddy? What do you say? Do we have one more grade-A distraction in us? I’m thinking you should sneak up behind her and do that squawk thing you do. Then I’ll use this pocket mirror to shine her light back at her. That’ll buy us a couple…hey, were you always so red?...she’s staring right at us, isn’t she?

     Detective Chicken: Bahwak! -Detective Chicken flutters off towards the few remaining trees.-

     Gilda: I’ve never seen such a cute Yurble before. You are definitely mine! We will have a tea party! But first you must get a better hat! That hat is so…grey! Nothing will be grey anymore, hahahahaha!

     Winston: Right, a new hat, like your fancy crown there. Actually, I’ve got to tell you something about that fashion statement. I don’t know if you know this, but it’s going to cost you. Nobody’s been real clear on what, just that it’s a lot. Maybe you should just lose it while you still can?

     Gilda: What?!! No! Never! Nothing will stop me! NOTHING! -The ground starts to rumble.-

     Detective Chicken: -On a distant hill, Detective Chicken stands framed by the setting sun.- Cockledoodledooooo!

     Scene: Back at the Altadorian Archives

     Time: Morning

     Winston: Well, I can’t say it was my most comfortable case. A couple of those calls were pretty close. But we solved the case, and we recovered your thing.

     Finneus: ‘Recovered my thing’?! No one will trust us now that they know one of our future exhibits was used in such an incident! The Archive will be bankrupted!

     Winston: Then I guess it’s a good thing Lady Branscilla agreed to watch over the thing after all.

     Scene: Elsewhere

     Time: Simultaneous

     Lady Branscilla: Nils, dear, have you readied the facilities to my exact specifications? Of course you have. You always deliver perfection. Now, my dear, the real work begins.

     Nils: -Slowly closes the door and locks it from the inside.-

     The End.