Discoveries of Professor P. Shaw: The Feepit

Until now.

After many years and millions of neopoints, the great Professor P. Shaw has at last unraveled three mysteries of the Feepit. Says he of his brilliant discoveries:

“I was stunned to find how treacherously difficult it was to trace the lineage of one little petpet… but we have done it! The secrets of the Feepit shall no longer be ‘the secrets.’ Well, at least three of them won’t be.”

The scientific community is left reeling at this new breakthrough; many claim the results to be fake and fraudulent, invented by the professor to earn a few more neopoints ever since going broke. He retaliated, and as a result has agreed to publish this paper on the Feepits.

The first discovery the professor made was what he considered to be the most amazing of them all: Feepits are directly related to Meepits. Despite the fact they share similar names as well as a similar cuteness, no one has ever dared to try and link the two. Why? Simply put, why one would attack one’s cousin?

A favorite amongst younger Neopians, the game of Meepit Vs. Feepit was where many disapprovers of Professor P. Shaw turned to to support their reasoning. Says one G. Nome:

“This is utter baloney! This is more baloney-like than this sandwich of mine! Indeed, if the Meepit were related to the Feepit, why on earth would they be battling each other in all public?!”

In response, Professor P. Shaw says:

“What you meddling fools fail to comprehend is that this is but five Meepits and one Feepit. It is not an entire species, or even so much as a colony. We can easily deduce that there is some age-old feud between these Meepits and this Feepit, causing them to harbor a disliking for each other. Logic, dear Gnomey, logic!”

G. Nome fell silent after that, refusing to comment. Though many say it was simply dignity at being called ‘Gnomey’, most have accepted the silence as agreement with the professor. And so, with the authenticity of the claim proven, Professor P. Shaw is now forced to explain it.

Though he refuses to further any comment on this subject, he has said that they are both descended from – what else? – the Eepit. This prehistoric petpet, long extinct, has been found in the form of many fossils in both the Haunted Woods and Terror Mountain, the homes of the Meepit and Feepit.

What had happened is simple. The Terror Mountain branch of Eepits – the original branch, seeing as the fossils there date back further – eventually began to adapt from their barely furred look to better suit the coming ice age. Through natural selection, those with the fluffier fur (for insulation), bluer coats (as camouflage), and slower metabolisms (enabling them to store up a great deal of blubber like fat and energy) soon made up most of the Eepit population. Thus, the Feepit was born.

However, long before all this happened, a small group of Eepits were stranded upon an iceberg. The iceberg slowly began to drift away, eventually landing the Eepits in the Haunted Woods. Larger eyes were developed to make the most of the dim Haunted Woods lighting. Here, it was also warmer. There was no need for thick coats, and so that stayed as it was. However, Professor P. Shaw says that the pink color did not develop until the Eepits found a need to scare off the locals. The flamboyant color (coupled with the rather terrifying eyes) seemed to do the trick. And so they stuck on and stayed.

The second great discovery of Professor P. Shaw was the diet of Feepits. Though the population would like to believe these innocent looking creatures are exactly that, sometimes things are not what they seem.

Various sensory tests, as well as other experiments in both natural and domestic surroundings, have revealed the Feepit to be a fearsome predator. While some, trained for domestic living, can survive on simple petpet food alone, those feral ones in the wild must hunt. The helpless look draws in those unknowing until it is too late. And should pursuit be needed, these little fellows are more than adequately prepared.

Their eyesight is sharp, specially developed for spotting moving objects in the sometimes blindingly thick snow of Terror Mountain. Black little noses twitch this way and that, able to sniff out the scent of their prey from over a mile away. Also twitching back and forth are Feepit ears, which can single out the heartbeat of say, a Moach, in virtually any environment. Their feral teeth are sharp and serrated, filled with venom; tongues rough like sandpaper to help them make the most of a meal.

Feepits are known to be, like their cousins and descendants, social creatures. The hunting call is their famous cry of ‘Feep!’, while at other times their communication consists of soft rumbles, sniffs, whining, growling, and various other noises the Feepit windpipe is capable of producing. Working together in a pack, Feepits can bring down creatures as big as old Turmy or the Snowbeast.

After being ridiculed for challenging Professor P. Shaw’s first discovery, G. Nome refused to back those against the second. Taking the charge this time was an anonymous figure who went by the name Feepit_luver_2000_300.

Feepit_luver_2000_300’s supporting facts were weak. Here is an excerpt:

“lyk I dont belive u!!1!! da feepits r not ferocous at all!1!! ur just a scammer and a n00b!11!!1 im gonna reprt u rite now 4 lies!1!!”

Professor P. Shaw refused comment to that, saying he simply could not decipher it. In any case, the facts all pointed in his direction.

Thirdly is a little known effect of Feepit drool known as Frozen Ice. The tactic of using the drool had been invented by the Bori and used for years before suddenly dying out. It was only with great patience did the professor make the third of his discoveries.

Says he:

“Oh, I assure you, it was stunningly difficult. I won’t go into the details, but I will tell you it involved a midnight mountain climb, a map deciphering, three runes experts, taming a rabid Grarrl, and several millions of neopoints.”

Difficult, indeed.

Anyhow, after interviewing the only surviving Bori to know of Frozen Ice, the professor managed to gather enough information about it to consider it an ‘official’ fact.

Frozen Ice is what natives call the glassy-eyed stare most have once injected with Feepit drool. It is a form of sedative – completely non-lethal, though the recipients of it have complained of aftereffects of headache and nausea. The sedative was most likely a development used in the aiding of capturing and killing prey, though why the Feepits would need sedative when they have venom is still a mystery.

The professor is currently working on the ‘why’ part behind Frozen Ice. His most recent research points to a possible contest of strength. When time comes to select the leader of the pack, Feepits may judge contestants by the power of the sedative in the drool.

“That’s assuming Feepits actually have the brainpower to judge.”

Ah, yes. That was a barbed remark from an old time colleague (and present day rival) of Professor P. Shaw’s, Sir S. A. Gacity IV. He is known for a staunch belief in the fact that pets are undeniably the smartest of all creatures, and even humans cannot compare. For him, even suggesting the intelligence of petpets would be like suggesting Snorkles could fly. Non-faerie painted Snorkles, that is.

Professor P. Shaw responded with:

“That’s only because YOU are too dumb to see they have it!”

What could only be called a catfight proceeded that, and – oh, dear! It seems as if the sir and the professor are currently tackling each other! Oh… oh dear… Nurse! Nurse!