Moo-vers And Shakers; The Top 5 Kaus of Neopia

     Grab a tall glass of cold milk, because we're coming in hot with number five, Martha!

     This fiery member of the Brute Squad may be a Kau of few words, but don't let that fool you. Martha prefers to let her weapons do the talking, and in that way, she is VERY articulate. This reporter wasn't able to get an interview, but did have a very interesting "conversation" with the business end of Martha's Uncomfortably Large Rock of Pain. Ow. This reporter is scheduling a trip to the Healing Springs, and soon. The Brute Squad is lucky to have her! Ow...

     Number four is notably less violent, but a crusher of dreams nonetheless. It's the Fruit Machine Kau!

     Right in the centre, the Fruit Machine Kau is arguably the most important part of the Fruit Machine. It's no use if you line up two Tchea Fruits with the Fruit Machine Aisha and Fruit Machine Lupe, only for the Fruit Machine Kau to land on a Cheops Plant! No stranger to being what either makes or breaks a Neopian’s day, An interview was secured with this integral part of Sakhmet's community during a lunch break.

     "It's a fun enough job," The Kau shared, "But it's not for the bleeding heart. We see more losses than wins, and we are running a business here technically, after all. Though I suppose seeing someone's face light up after winning big makes it all worth it in the end. Care for a roll? It could be your lucky day!"

     This reporter did not win anything, but was encouraged to come back tomorrow for another spin.

     Coming in at cool number three is Kalandra, the mystical fortune-teller commonly found playing Round Table Poker.

     Kalandra, like any good seer of respectable standing, is practised in many forms of future sight. When confronted with the question of if she is trained in cartomancy, the practice of using cards to tell the future as made popular by light faeries, however, her response was as follows.

     "I am hesitant to share, for fear of being misconstrued. I am trained in card readings, this is true. The future that the cards do see is never one that pertains to me. Whichever way the game does go, I'm with the table, and the last to know."

     Translation: She can read cards, but she can't use them to win. Don't worry folks, she's a clean player! While playing her poker face is stone cold and unflinching, deep in concentration. This unwavering expression comes from years of round table poker experience, and makes her one tough customer to beat at the table. Gamble at your own risk!

     Another card player coming in just shy of number one is Kalora the Kau at number two.

     She's got a sharp eye for tells and isn't afraid to call out anyone. While on a seemingly perpetual holiday, Kalora has climbed the ranks of Cheat! and earned her seat at the card table. Though she might have a bit of a morally questionable streak, for a Cheat! player that is a quite desirable trait. Rumour has gone around about Kalora seemingly developing a habit of possessing sticky hooves, and an admiration for shiny and expensive things of which then proceed to mysteriously vanish with nary a trace.

     "Who, me?" Kalora had gasped in indignation when confronted, "Why, I've never done anything wrong in my life, ever! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a game to win. Security!"

     Shortly after being shooed away from the Cheat! hall by some very polite gentlemen, this reporter spotted some peculiar hooded figures in a dark alleyway lined with scattered macaroni and glitter glue. This reporter also, coincidentally, suffered a visit from Altador Cup Team Kiko Lake donation collectors shortly after. A half of a ham and cheese omelette was donated, which may or may not have been this reporter's lunch. Sigh.

     This momentous occasion has been long-awaited by many, and now, finally, the very best Kau in all of Neopia. The creme de la creme of all Kaukind. After careful consideration and several milkshakes, the title of the top Kau goes to...

     Countess Emerald Mayfeather Treepippit!

     This noblewoman is a mechanical enthusiast, a valued patron of Tangor's Workshop, and also graciously donated a not insignificant sum of Neopoints to a certain publishing house to pay for certain Uncomfortably Large Rock of Pain damages and certainly did not bribe this reporter with money in order to be placed at number one. She also declined to comment. Her generosity most clearly is too great for mere words. Her hair is also incredibly shiny, her fashion taste is impeccable, and she smells like lavender. Fresh lavender. Yes.

     Of course, the standings held within this article are entirely subjective. There's no reward for being the top of anything, much less being the top Kau, and the most important Kau is now and always will forever be;

     Yours!

     Consider adding a Kau to your family today, by creating one, adopting one from the pound, or morphing one of your existing pets into a Kau with their consent. Kaus are kind, delightful Neopets that would love nothing more than to be your new friend.