Incomprehensible Oceanography of Neopia Syllabus

     Welcome back to another course taught by yours truly! The smoke has settled since last time I emerged upon the scholarly grounds, this time with a new assistant at my side! (She’s still new, so be nice! OR ELSE!) Either I am truly beloved by Brightvale University or budget constraints have made them desperate for adjuncts. Regardless, I prevail! *AHEM* All of you benefit from my sage wisdom and knowledge of SCIENCE! Just call me Doc, everyone does. In prior classes, I explored the depths of Neopian lore. What better way of continuing those depths than by going to literal depths! Seeing as you willingly signed up for this course, you of course know that I speak of Neopia’s mighty waters. Far more than a bathtub, the countless depths are sure to hold some truly alien secrets that Neopiankind was not meant to know! But thanks to me, you too shall know! Some may go mad, some may perish… from excitement! All in all, you have made these risks aware of yourself upon entering a class instructed by me.

     SCIENCE Lecture: WEDS 11:30 - 23:30, SCIENCE Lab: THURS 00:15 - 9:30 (You are all young and spritely, you can handle this schedule far better than I! The sacrifices I make for you…)

     Course Texts: "Chilling Sailor Tales of Neopia"*, "Comprehending SCIENCE - 4th Edition!!!!"**, "The Unexplored Maraquan Depths"

     Course Website: Htad’Vaor-TjmM’mq.Blargaharblarg.Ech

     Instructor: Legally, calling me anything other than “Doc” can lead to trouble…

     Office Hours: -1:00 - 26:00 Monday, Thursday, Fyorasday, Friday

     neomail: I still do not use neomail. But, as a man of the 21st century, psionic neuroimplant message linking will allow me to receive your notes.

     phone: My lab assistant claims she needs it for some course on technological augmentation. You’ll likely hear from her via [REDACTED]

      About This Course

     Prerequisite:SCI1313 A SCIENTIFIC look at Conspiracies and Mysteries None of Incomprehensible Oceanography will make sense without the contexts and methods from this course. How else can you separate the harbingers of doom from the fakers?

     Prerequisite:ARCANE1008 The terrifying depths of the Occult While magic is just misunderstood science, this course has several labs on harnessing the powers of the watery void. A must take!

     Central Premise: Throughout this course, you will learn why it’s best not to go into the ocean. Likewise, why Maraqua is a submerged oasis in an endless wasteland of horrors. Uncover half-truths, full truths and nothing but the truth from a wide variety of sources. These range from olden tales to research notes to the esoteric incantations of maniacal cultists. If time permits, we will showcase some of my theories, which are time-tested, infallible works of primary literature. You will agree with me!!

      Main Objectives

     * Students will learn a wide variety of topics and participate in lots of discussions. The following will be expected when the course ends.

     * Examine how unfathomably alien the watery world below us truly is.

     * Study various water samples to draw conclusions on similarities and differences between strange organisms.

     * Understand what makes a healthy ecosystem, an unhealthy ecosystem and a nightmarish ecosystem.

     * Succumb to paranoid anxieties brought upon by grim revelations over the futility of existence and how the depths will outlive us all.

     * Complete a bathysphere as part of a group final project, plunging into the depths yourself to uncover new lore for next semester! (It’s free research!)

     * Use sonar and other technologies to read and map the deep. Try to discover sunken temples and idols made to distant deities.

     * Plea for mercy for the cults that still revere these forces.

     * Gain the proper sea legs to sail upon the ocean.

     * Risk losing those sea legs to giant monsters that eat legs.

     * Study cuddly, adorable sea life!

      Topics of Discussion During the Semester

     * Why so many tentacles? - Why aquatic aberrations share so many traits

     * Pressure, what Pressure? - How to survive water pressure anywhere!

     * Graverobbing from Shipwrecks - How to avoid detection from authorities and avoid hauntings from ghost pirates!

     * Oceanic Black Holes - Yes, that’s a thing that exists

     * It Came From The Seas - Giant Monsters slumbering beneath your shores

     * Why do I have gills now? - Deep-Thing Poison and Aquatic mutations

     * Much, Much More!!

      Expectations of Students:

     *Upon entering, I expect you to learn. Don’t stop learning, replace your sleep with learning. All time is learning time.

     * Any questions are solely because you don’t understand what I have said. Any attempt to question me directly is incorrect.

     * If you are a marine Neopian, non-Maraquan and spouting propaganda for the Dread Father of the Submerged; you will be considered a Deep-Thing spy! Beware!

     * Do not tamper with equipment, as you are liable to suffer in many different excruciating ways.

     * Repeat After Me: There is no cognitohazard in the water. There are no bodies in the water. You do not recognize them. There is no anomalous research foundation.

     * Trouble students are used as bait for the next Deep-Thing lab.

     My grandfather’s mighty naval vessel is an old craft. Treat her nicely and you’ll be treated well back, No guarantee against sea sickness.

     * Ever wonder how the figurehead of my grandfather’s naval ship has an eerie glow? Cheat in my class and find out! (It’s hungry and craves souls)

     * Cheating results in being thrown in the cosmic void in the boiler room (we'll cover the void in a lecture!) Also, you could be expelled.

     * Students who plagiarize deal with the same punishment as cheaters.

     * Excursions on various field trips will no longer be covered by the college's insurance plans. Many within the university financial department are former students and they’re well aware. So it’s out of pocket for any issues! Sorry.

      Grading and Grade Policies:

     * Tests: As with previous classes, I always write my tests in code. If you’ve been paying attention, your mind will psychically correct the glyphs and symbols into coherent speech. Failure to do this will result in a 0 for said exam. Study hard, use energy to broaden your mind. I still refuse to incorporate multiple choice or matching questions, as my students shall not be coddled. Furthermore, there will be NO WORD BANKS!!! Do not miss more than two exams total, as I’ll fail you for being too lazy to understand my brilliance..

     * Participation: All students are expected to partake in SCIENCE! You can ask (good) questions, provide better answers or show that you care about the wonderful water around us. Inactivity, including from fear, will result in points being docked from your total. Follow the agenda of this syllabus and thrive. Much as before, questioning this course's ethics counts as a bad question.

     * Labs: Immediately after your lecture, you will be given a brief break to regain composure and sanity. Following this allotted time, you will be expected to conduct yourself in the laboratory. Unhinged or frightened personalities will see their lab grades drop. We are strictly professional in the world of SCIENTIFIC experiments! At some point in the semester, you may called upon to be a test subject in order to help showcase the experiment to your class. This is a great honor, do not bring disgrace upon yourself. Should you volunteer without the need for me to choose, extra credit options may be available.

     * Term Paper: A term paper will be due at the end of the semester. Use this time to reflect upon both the sinister reflections in the waves and the incredible skills you have accumulated throughout this course. Explanation of how you obtained grim secrets of the foamy deep. To receive complete credit, please glorify Doc in supreme exaltation. Points will be removed for more than two insane revelations of the apocalypse.

      Grade Breakdown

     * Tests 20%

     * Participation 15%

     * Labs 10%

     * Term Paper 10%

     * Randomly Determined Number from Super Computer RNG 240%

      Additional Info:

     During labs on the campus, I expect you to wear a proper and functional wardrobe. This of course means to dress like a SCIENTIST! Also, please tie any hair back. Not only is this for your own safety, but it complements the science jacket better.

     As with other courses, laboratory sketches must be pristine recreations of the subject at hand. I am expecting no less than Senior Art Major quality from my budding scientists.

     Eating or drinking during the lab is strictly forbidden, unless you are taking part in a lab that involves sampling one of the many organisms we have previously captured. Should this become an ongoing issue, see above with cheaters and trouble students.

      Class Schedule

     Sleeping 18/19

     * The World is a giant egg, a giant Peadackle will hatch from it!

     * Welcome to a World Below - It’s Larger Than You THINK!

     * Meet the Class, find the Deep-Thing spies!

     * Lab - DISSECTION!

     Sleeping 25/26

     * Somewhere Beyond The Sea - Hidden Civilizations of the Deep

     * Hey, that’s not Maraqua

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Esoteric Ocean Charting

     Awakening 1/2

     * Black Holes? IN THE SEA? - They exist now

     * Dimensional Lesson Crossover - Remember this one, class?

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Understanding Rifts on the Bottom Floor

     Awakening 8/9

     * The joys of Water Pressure - Folding like cardboard!

     * We Aren’t Meant To Be Down Here!

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Submerge problem students and see what happens

     Awakening 15/16

     * EXPLODING WATER! - Part 1

     * All about things that explode in water, it’s safe!

     * Lab - Explosive Substance Water Lab (stand back at least 10 ft.)

     Awakening 22/23

     * EXPLODING WATER - Part 2 - This time with totally-not-contraband! (They were LIBERATED from Sloth, thank you.)

     * Lecture from Doc’s Lawyer: All of this is LEGAL! (Probably)**

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Big Boom? NO! BIGGER BOOM! BIGGER SPLASH!

     Running 1/2

     * Water Samples - How clean is your water? IT ISN’T!

     * Yes, your water is being tainted: Paranoid Conspiracies for your Water Supply

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Water and Micro Chemical Sampling

     Running 8/9

     * The SCIENCE of Sailing - From rigging to swabbing to getting lost to SCURVY!

     * Piratical Fun - An excuse to use my grandfather’s ship!

     * Lab Test on the Waves

     * Lab - A PIRATE’S LIFE FOR ME! (With help from Krawk Island)

     Running 15/16

     * Sunken Ships - Sunken Treasure!

     * Lecture from Doc’s Lawyer: Ship Grave Robbing For Fun & Profit!**

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Looting Ships/POSSESSED BY GHOST PIRATES!

     Running 22/23

     * GIANT MONSTERS - Kaiju in the Ocean

     * Friend or Foe?: Giant Monsters and Neopia

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Let’s wake one up!

     Running 29/30

     * Deep-Things - The Secret Scourge of Maraqua!

     * The Dread Father of the Submerged! - The foul eldritch king of the Deep-Things!

     * Lab - Going where Strange Aeons Lie! Visiting a Deep-Thing Ruin!

     LATE SPRING BREAK - PLEASE CLICK THE DIGITAL LINK I HAVE MENTALLY SENT YOU. WE WILL HAVE A LECTURE ON PREPARING SUSHI.

     Running 29/30

     * Build-a-Bathysphere - Making a miniature submarine

     * Oceanautic Engineering for Beginners: You’ll be fine

     * Temporal Distortion from Deep-Thing Ruins: Is it a coincidence?

     * Sushi Video Test

     * Lab - Testing your Bathyspheres

     Eating 5/6

     * Deep-Things II - More Dark Ocean Arcana

     * What does this taste like? Sweet Deep-Thing Elixir!

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - Don’t Worry, the Gills are Natural! Ingesting Deep-Thing Poison

     Eating 12/13

     * OH NO YOU DON’T - Exposing and purging Deep-Thing Body Doubles!

     * Fighting off Cultists of the Submerged

     * Learning about cute sea creatures

     * Lab Test

     * Lab - CHAAAAARGE!

     TEMPORAL CORRECTION

     Eating 26/27

     * Prep Final Exam

     * Final Questions! (Your last chance!)

     * Releasing captured souls from Grandpa’s creepy figurehead

     Hunting 3/5 (Because 4 doesn’t exist anymore)

     * Final Exam

     * Final Statements

     * Newfound Fear for the Horrors of Neopia’s vast blue!

     And with that, I welcome you to realms below that we were never meant to explore! May you withhold going mad until final exams are graded. With this class, you may gain an appreciation for fishing, sailing or diving. Or if it applies to you, staying as far away as you can from any source of gathered moisture lest it finds you because it will always find you and you can’t escape! THE WETNESS WILL TAKE YOU! *ahem* No matter. I hope you'll have as much fun as I do teaching this class. May we all learn something together and make it a truly memorable semester.

     SEE YOU ALL IN CLASS NEXT WEEK!

     Yours in SCIENCE!!!,

     Doc

     **Doc’s Lawyer, [REDACTED], does not actually endorse any of these activities. Furthermore, they are being manipulated against their will.